Should you date a guy who has no female friends? | Metro News for whatever reason, i just clicked with guys better than girls despite my best efforts. it’s not a coincidence we are referred to as christ’s bride (john 3). to know your so’s friends before setting out rules for them. the wife cut all ties with the best friend to preserve her marriage at the expense of her children. the icing on the cake is that they now work in the same dept it kills me inside. she has told him they cannot be in contact anymore and has promised to discontinue the friendship. when called on it by me, scurried away like a young girl, embarrassed hopefully.: why does making friends feel so much harder than dating? don’t think it’s true at all that nobody should know you better than your spouse. you’re single, the best way to know if a relationship is platonic is to see if your (fictional) bf/husband, who is neither hyper or hypo jealous-sensitive compared to the rest of the population, wouldn’t be cool with it., that’s a very challenging situation to be in, but i do support the stance you’ve taken. my best friend of twelve years (who happens to be a girl) can practically read my mind. he admitted to regular heavy flirting (i did see a few emails and texts before he changed passwords), and he knew the status of at least one lady’s sexual relationship with her husband, which i believed was far beyond the boundaries of what he should know about another woman. so i dropped it and about a few days ago which now is a year later i found out that she is still talking to him and sending pictures of our daughter and her to him . opposite gender friendships (and any friendship, really) should result in communication between spouses to discuss the impact the friendship has on the marriage.! john and i were just talking about this subject because we see so many people who have best friends who are opposite genders. forty-six years of marriage is an incredible accomplishment, one that not many can say they’ve achieved. a close friendship – a real friendship, opposite-gender or not – should be a positive support to the marriage, and i’ll again say that limiting the possibility based on fear (and “better safe than sorry” is fear-based) rather than focusing on communication, respect and love is a mistake too many people make.” he knows how to handle a woman on her period. believing that marriage is the foundation of society, she passionately utilizes her non-profit, therapy, speaking engagements, and writing to prepare, nurture, salvage, and encourage healthy, strong marriages from a biblical perspective. the motivation for these boundaries and rules can’t be fear or insecurity because those are issues, both personal and relational, that need to be worked out perhaps through therapy or counseling. first explanation for the total lack of chromosomal variety in his friendship group might be that your boyf is not being entirely truthful with you.[…] to answer them honestly in order to know if a certain opposite-sex friendship should end. i think a more earnest and honest with your husband needs to happen, and if progress can’t be made there, go see a professional about it to get a neutral party involved who can help navigate what’s best of your marriage. yes, i do think the friendship would change with you getting married and him in a relationship, but i don’t think that warrants cutting all ties! dr max blumberg, a researcher at goldsmiths university explained that the way some people are brought up can make them into a man’s man. how can someone who was like a brother to me push me away? it’s not inherently someone’s fault if they don’t want to hang out with women. he did come home,i text him to sleep somewhere,he responed with a nasty comment. week i found out he spent the night a her house and she hid it from me and even lied to me about it. we met at work around the same time she met her fiance and hit it off instantly..or for awhile now…have been having issues with my fiance and this one woman. i can be nice and talk homework with a girl or guy in my class all day but does that mean i want to hang out with her and have a life conversation? mcilwain, ma, lmfta is a licensed marriage and family therapist associate who received her bachelor’s degree in psychology from palm beach atlantic university and her master’s degree in clinical psychology with a specialization in marriage and family therapy from azusa pacific university. my wife has full access to my fb account, and the discussions have never been flirtatious or inappropriate in any way. i mentor a new teacher, we are the only two that teach this grade level; and every time we meet she needs to be chaperoned? boyfriend assuming that you’re going to have the same trigger points as his exes? aided based on some seemingly over zealous rule if propriety with out any indiscretion intended or otherwise on my part. than last week , i had troubles with my signal for almost a day long and when i went on facebook too communicate with her and she wasn’t happy again thinking the worse that i’m with somebody else , than i saw she made a post saying she is proud and happy she is that he’s life is good and he’s pursuing he’s political dreams and other things about a guy the same guy she also gave her word too friends with the first one that she was romanticly involved , my blood steamed and i question her about because as far i knew she told me it was years since they communicated last and he deleted her , also that allthough she will honour her word she won’t approach him or make any effort too comunicate with him in any way untill he do it , she than told me that she sometimes check he’s profile just too see how he is doing ,again assuring me that she think of him as like a brother and nothing more , and that i have nothing too worry about . we are setting ourselves up for failure, and the devil is just sitting there waiting to pounce. he has seen the things men do, that they often don’t even know they do, that put their girlfriends through a lot of pain. the whole “i can’t be friends with girls” — much of that is bs. age does not preclude one from these kinds of situations. i trust her completely as she has a great heart. i read a text tonight from this guy too my wife that read “get down to (the bar & grill’s name) and then it was my wife’s name”. i spend more time with my coworkers than i do my wife so i have no need to make sure i pick more time to be with other women (coed or not). i just don’t build that sort of relationship with women at work so i have no desire or even thought to consider going out with other women or coed groups. is my situation, beginning last year we have also met on facebook,and allmost immediatly clicked and chatted for hours everyday. i also knew that it would more that likely put things back where they should be for all of us. i believe that these guidelines not only serve well towards married couples but can also do a great deal of good in general ‘exclusive’ relationships ie: any opposite gender relationship where monogamy/loyalty to the other person is of the highest priority. think we too easily deprive people in community the opportunity to be healed by community. key concepts to remember here are acceptance, self-confidence and trust. the e-mail address is not made public and will only be used if you wish to receive a new password or wish to receive certain news or notifications by e-mail. at the same time, in the back of my mind, i knew that this was a temporary solution. while i am confident in my self-control, professionalism, and training as well as my marriage, it’s simply a situation i would prefer to avoid all together seeing it as an unnecessary risk and potential hazard (to me and my clients), which is the point of emphasis in this article. for anyone reading, if you have someone willing to do these things for you, consider yourself blessed!, i can only imagine how painful and hurtful this situation must be for you! sharing your heart with someone builds intimacy whether you realize it or not, so it’s crucial to consider who you are building that intimacy with. a marriage is precious and sacred, and i believe that it should be protected at all costs even if at times it seems a bit “overkill. usually the things we think are the least threatening are the very things that sneak up on us. i know that they have helped each other through break ups but from what i’ve seen, she’s only around because she wants the chance to be with him. friendships brighten and dim, as far as closeness & intimacy is concerned… many times when a single friend starts seriously dating someone it will dim some, when they move in together or they move an hour away it will moreso… or when they get married or especially have kids — a lot., thank you so much for stopping by and for the encouragement! he somewhat read me text messagesize between them (somehow felt that he left stuff out) i still can not wrap my mind around still feeling that it’s not an ok relationship for us to move forward. painful but oh so dirty – why everyone should try anal sex just oncemore trending stories »news videosmore videos »lfb chief warns government over school fire safetywoman seeking compensation runs at car and lies in the roadbrazilian woman gets topless in church to defy criticspsychic medium accidentally boils himself alivemore videos ». i don’t want him to feel like he can’t talk to girls bc that’s not what it’s about. but it might leave you questioning what his overall attitude towards women is, and whether that’s something you’re comfortable with. it sounds like you’ve established a strong set of boundaries to keep your female friendships in line. i’m trying to not let it bother me but it does. my husband and i were married over a year and a half ago. about 3 months ago his ex girlfriend of only 4 months (they’ve known eacho there for a year) started texting him again. opposite gender friendships are one of those things that can blindside a marriage; i’ve seen it too many times. as many others have found this post to be very helpful. finally, i do have to say that i don’t agree with “wisdom” and “foresight” meaning what you said they mean. i am reminded of 1 corinthians 10:23, “‘everything is permissible’–but not everything is beneficial. i no longer feel i have to control what others feel around me – it’s “ok” if that guy or girl has a feeling that i don’t want to reciprocate. i do not know if this is a mental image that portrays an accurate reality and something i should accept as inherently “male”, or if my assumptions are…you know, “batshit”. can appreciate both sides of the arguement and your time in writing this blog although it does not mention every factor or possibility related to being married. in the end and overtime those friendships dwindled and we built new relationships with couples and same sex friends. if you don’t trust your significant other not to cheat, you probably shouldn’t be with them. wife says she can’t believe maintaining this ‘friendship’ is important enough to create conflict in our marriage, and i can’t believe she feels our marriage is somehow threatened by 6 or 7 facebook discussions a year…. 5), all followers are to lay down their lives for their friends (john 15) not just their spouses. ultimately, not every heterosexual person is attracted to every member of the opposite sex. i noticed that he was getting together with another female based a comment from her on his facebook page. but if that’s what you have to do, that’s what you have to do.
The Rules of Opposite Gender Friendships – Foundation Restoration my gosh your spot on emily it’s sooo difficult to find female friends but why is that, i have found some not all but some christian women very uninviting and very distant they only let you so close and then the iron bars go down and your standing on the outside looking in, but wen i first went to this particular church they were all over me until they say me not commiting as a member. personally, even the appearance of something brewing is enough for me to seriously consider rule #3. its good to pray before commiting some where so i just said god it’s me and you and have given up on the girlfriends thing. i sent him the article hopefully he reads and understand. so, at what point do opposite sex relationships need to change? my guy thinks that it’s not about values, but has everything to do with me being insecure. think many good well-intentioned christian communities devoted to christ and the scriptures nurture only 2 dominant narratives (romantic) and (danger). here is the rub… what i have come to find was my wife doesn’t necessarily have issue with going to lunch with multiple men by herself or coed lunches… or initiating them. am in a committed relationship with a female who has a lot of male friends. but with all that mistrust and fear, i would imagine that it becomes very easy to put your marriage on an island, doesn’t it? suddenly i realized that having a best friend that was a guy could present some issues and challenges when dating. i knew that i could not do that any longer and understand the fallout from telling her my feelings could be catastrophic to the friendship. most of these are musicians i’ve had occasion to travel with to weddings, church services, etc. why would i want to put myself in a situation where i could so easily be tempted? and if male friend can have a stronger relationship with his girlfriend, and i can have a stronger relationship with my boyfriend, our friendship will be that much more safely friend-like (focused on our mutual interests of stupid youtube videos and races) rather than emotionally intimate (how we feel about our relationships with our significant others). i do hope that somehow your friendship can be reconciled and reconnected especially during this time where you could use the love and support of true friends. one should not be naive or lie to oneself that close 1-on-1 friendships has no potential issues for all practical purposes.. i see it as “righting the ship” and hope very much to have a more platonic and healthy rules guided friendship with this amazing woman. it’s even a bigger problem when they on facebook exchange memories. and career trends - and madamenoire provides all of that. they’re hard enough to come by as it is. i have several friends, as well as my husband at times, who find themselves unable to avoid being alone from time to time with someone of the opposite gender. time and time again i have witnessed both professionally and personally marriages crumble from seemingly harmless friendships that either developed into a romantic relationship or in some way interfered with the intimacy and relationship between the husband and wife. many believe that female friendships bring drama, and that it’s just easier to be one of the boys. i’m a 24 year old grad student who finds it impossible to date girls who have too many guy friends. fortunately, your boyfriend has probably taken a slight liking to the show “girls” through having female friends. 30-40 minutes later,i decided to go to their meeting place. you have valid concerns, and i think you just need to lovingly be honest yet sensitive with your wife about this! it may be somewhat rare because of societal reasons (and that’s too bad, as well), but it can, should and does happen, and like any real friendship, it should be celebrated and cherished. and i’ve been able to reconnect on the internet with others from the distant past without going too nuts. a husband, i am commanded to love my wife, just as christ also loved the church and gave himself for her. i don’t want to sever our close friendship (that was established before he began dating my friend), but it just doesn’t feel right… as my friend put it’ “it feels like he’s dating both of us”.’m not married but in a relationship with my son father and we’re expecting another. i argue in my book *sacred unions, sacred passions* for a healthy, robust middle alternative to hollywood and romance novels. i love women but trying to be friends with them is a always a disaster i’ve found. but if he has been dating you for a couple of months, that means you passed the female friends’ test—they adore you, they gave him the thumbs up, and now you can just enjoy the benefits of dating someone who has lots of female friends. i just don’t have it in me to put more than a 2-second checkout’s energy into validating another woman’s attractiveness. the sad thing is she saw her mentor fall pray to an affair that split a church. there is a spousal union that is important, scripture, testifies. have a guy friend and there are feelings on both ends but neither of us are ready to start a relationship. i have to call you out for the fact that your email reads more like a senior year psych disseration than an advice column (this is betches love this after all) i was intrigued by your question and felt compelled to answer it. for me i just got tired of having great friendships be ruined, so i started finding more women to be friends with. if you don’t trust your friends not to put you in the way of temptation, you probably shouldn’t be friends with them either. i mean, i couldn’t simply isolate myself and disown all of my friends just because i was exclusively dating someone. i appreciate you sharing and will be praying for you! 3:28), jesus’ engagement with women–you don’t get a sense from jesus that women are sources of temptresses, whores, or irresistible objects of temptations. and while our flesh may continue to struggle with this issue, our spirit will be convicted and we will clearly see how intimate, opposite-sex relationships can be dangerous. in this year i had problems with my cellphone and had too send it for repairs ,just one day ,at that time she didn’t knew why and she thaught again i was with other , i tried too convince her of the phone problem and could do so by showing pictures of repair reciept , the following day i just out of curiousity asked her what she was doing the day i couldn’t communicate with her , she than told me she was very sad and talked too two friends , the one is the ex before me , i wasn’t happy about it at all , she than copied there conversation and showed me , wich is ok accept for the fact he is still calling her on cute petnames that i didn’t like , than she told me of the other conversation she had with an old onlinefriend that she communicates with from time too time , she told me she tried toosee what he think of our situation , i hated that she discussed me and even more our problems with a other guy and of her not being sure if she can trust i’m telling the truth ,from experience i know that in situations like that guys almost will try too take advantage if a woman talks about relationship problems , she than showed me a copy of that conversation and i allmost blew up , he did exactly that , giving her more ideas of me lying , and cheating and many other things and than he made a move on her confessing he always has been inlove with her but kept it secret and how he want too meet her , she stopped him telling him he’s mistaken or confused but there can’t be anything more between them ,they are still friends , and from time too time chat , i hate it , i told her several times of it but can’t get her too realise that i want her too stop friendship with him, i’m happy that she put him too stop yes but accept for making me bad even though he don’t even know me , he made a move on her and i’m sure he will atleast try it one more time again . use your wedding ring as a reminder of your commitment to your spouse, and always keep him/her in mind whenever you do anything. perhaps it is a relationship that you are ultimately pursuing. i am in that exact situation right now, granted i am not married to her, but my girlfriend has this guy friend that she used to be “best friends” with before she dated. you are not alone, and i thank you for sharing so honestly and openly with us! it can be easy to allow our hearts, minds, or even bodies to venture from our marriage. for any reason, at any time, there is even the tiniest hint of attraction between you and someone of the opposite gender regardless of whose end it’s on, run for the hills! college, my solution to this situation was to simply become close with all of my significant other’s close friends. knows that if you say you don’t need anything for your birthday or you don’t want him to do anything for valentine’s day that he still needs to plan something. sure enough we have hit a rough patch in our marriage… now she says she is not happy and is starting counseling to figure why. the end of the day i’d say this is a red flag but not necessarily a deal breaker. three weeks ago, he confessed to my best friend out of the blue, whom he rarely had conversation with in the past, and he visits her 2+ days a week (and i live with her 5+ days per week, so i’m in the middle of everything). as a general rule of thumb i don’t think the example being set forth to married couples (particularly new ones)should be that it’s ok to spend multiple nights together with another woman, away from your wife. does the boundary line need to be drawn only when you’re married, or does the line need to be drawn after a few months of exclusively dating? she went on to say how her boyfriend loves her and how the sex that they had(her and my boyfriend) wasn’t like the sex with her boyfriend because it’s so good and even though she thinks my boyfriend is attractive as she said, he has a girlfiend(me) and she has a boyfriend and respects the relationship, she added “do i find you attractive? i’ve seen it happen all too often, which is why i believe it’s so crucial to set ourselves and our marriage up for success by avoiding potentially dangerous situations, like close, intimate friendships with the opposite-gender. he disagrees, saying that if the person is one’s best friend, one should be able to share anything. so if my wife is more comfortable with men… guess where she will gravitate. think when we introduce this type of question, we see the weakness of the argument of avoiding cross-gender relationships. that does not mean you have to forget your friends completely. he said that his ex-girlfriends had all been incredibly jealous types and hated the thought of him talking to other women. obviously from the comments and responses i got, it struck a chord (on both sides of the coin) with many people. to a man who thinks that women are only for sex, is the man who thinks that being friends with a woman is a ‘waste’. calmly explain that you’re fine that he looks at that shit but you’d rather not know about it. i am at the hurt stage as one of the two close opposite sex friends that got “too close” i likely have broken many of the rules you so beautifully laid out above, including living with my best female friend and her fiance. i want to encourage you that i don’t think your concerns are invalid but rather wise! having a close, 1-on-1 relationship with a guy you’re not into but he is into you even though he has no crush or anything — should be an issue, even when you’re single. it’s making things hard because i don’t want to develop feelings since i’m not ready to start a relationship. i have witnessed this so i am not saying it as “what if”. but, i knew that for the sake of my marriage and my own well-being, i needed to stretch myself to cultivate girlfriends. i’m just wondering, is it okay for me to want boundaries in our relationship to not hangout with other people of the opposite sex alone? we are talking about deep, intimate relationships (remember, intimate does not equal sexual) with someone of the opposite sex who is not your spouse. both myself and the woman’s husband have expressed how uncomfortable their friendship is, but both my fiance and this other woman don’t seem to care what anyone thinks, so they continue to carry on with what they want to do. is short and i have found there is usually a controlling person with low self esteem behind many divorces… should life be lived soley for your spouse and should they expect that? boyfriend constantly has girls adding him that either he’s worked with in the past or present, has class with, etc who message back and fourth with him just making small talk. can be tough when you have to work closely with opposite sex coworkers, as you can’t always be surrounded by other people — but i think just being aware that potential risks exist helps in that scenario and makes you more self aware. but i don’t think the broad brush-stroke approach you outlined above is fair to anyone (you, your friends *or* your so). i am trying to show her that she is the only women i want and spend the rest of my life with her and hopefully marry her.