Why I Have High Standards While Dating
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i've simply found that while i want more than the simplistic handful – visually attractive, sense of passion, some sort of common interest – it always followed the same pattern:1. suppose most of us have standards about class/social status, since most of us end up with someone in the neighborhood of our own class (which sorta squicks out the idealistic side of me as i write this). would you be open to dating a woman with kids already? even if not many women respond positively, enough do so to make it worthwhile for those men, and the immense number of women approached and occasional positive result reduces the emotional stakes for the men. standards can be the same way – someone who really, really wants to date/marry a surgeon may also really, really want a close and supportive relationship, not realizing that a surgeon's long hours and constant on-call time will mean she will never feel both ways about a the same guy. realized that it had very little to do with the men, but more to do with how the women approached dating. i like going through the process of pursuer (here used in the very ballpark sense of "initiating conversations with the opposite sex) and while rejection isn't flattering its not crushing either. me, "too high standards" means that you're eliminating people you *could* be attracted to because of other factors that make you decide they're not worthy. completely agree with you dr, having no/lower standards has never worked out well for me. what i've gathered, you're younger than he is and you're looking at dating women your age or a few years older or younger. that doesn't mean that it's a good idea to go into dating with the idea that those things should be prized above all others (that goes for the non-looks things as well; lots of hipsters fall into the trap of forming relationships based on record collections and there are certainly women who never think long past "oooh, he's a [fill in job here]). and how do you tell when you're being too picky, or when your standards are too low? i'm reluctant to go that route, mostly because it seems dickish to bother that many women who aren't interested just for the sake of finding the vanishingly small number who are, though i'd be much more comfortable trying something like that on a dating site than on a train. despite the problems i outlined below, i am currently casually dating a guy who's in his late 20s (which is a few years younger than me) who has a college degree but not the right type of job to go with it.. i wouldn't aggressively pursue her because she hadn't met my standards. when i was in college, and working as a secretary in a hospital, it was really off-putting when doctor's would flirt with me, and i had no intention of dating one then because i felt like they were enjoying the status inequity in the potential relationship. while it’s tempting to make joking statements like “must be able to suck a golf-ball through a garden hose”, you should think about sexual compatibility; after all, it’s an incredibly important part of a relationship and something as simple as mismatched libidos can be a recipe for heartbreak.
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while the definitions of success in dating may vary, there’s one thread that runs through it all: it’s about having standards. as a lady in my 30s with a kid, i have different standards. means we don't see each other much, and while i'm not calling it off, i often find myself wishing we could get to the stage where i can just buy him shit…which we can't, because we don't see each other often enough to feel that serious., what if a person is searching for the "equal" (rich, fit doctor searching for rich, fit doctor), but not finding success, should they then lower their standards?, one of the major advantages to writing down your standards is that it gives you an opportunity to justify those standards to yourself and figure out where your wiggle room is. you want someone who impresses you, who’s qualifications meet or exceed your standards for a relationship. someone meets those standards, we can meet in person and i can see about some of the other standards. lots of women in their early to late 20s aren't doing so well on the job front either, or are familiar with dating men who are having problems., i think i meant to say, that yes, while that may be insulting, it is not necessarily untrue. so, if someone is not conventionally gorgeous and they would only consider people with very high conventional standards of attractiveness, it may work out for them, but nobody wants to hear them whinging about how nobody ever gives them a chance. had a bunch of friends who repeatedly told me that the guy i was dating wasn't worth my time, and/or that i was too good for so-and-so, or ask if i wouldn't maybe be happier with someone who could keep up with me in terms of x. that while caniuse tracks a wide variety of features, it only covers a subset of all web technologies so the scores are not 100% representative of any browser's capabilities. when you later learned more about her, did you not really care about those standards? so, i could see dating someone like that and not having a problem with it. if he did, our relationship would end with me strangling him while screaming, "tune it or die! otherwise, we'd all be dating clones of ourselves, which i think is pretty horrible. it's when you aren't attracting those people, or if it is preventing you from dating at all, that it becomes an issue.
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if you aren't prepared to work on yourself so you have something to offer a person like that, maybe you should adjust your standards. my husband was working in retail when i met him, while working toward a degree in english."high standards" as an excuse to wall myself off was my issue.), but the points i'm making apply to men and their standards too. would suggest the issue here is not whether or not low-ed jobs are worthwhile, but whether or not you are comfortable making a judgment that basically throws away large swathes of the population all at once. interpretation of this particular nerdlove article was that it was meant more for men/approachers and that it was specifically trying to help with having standards other than appearance. in what situation would you be considering getting to know or date someone, while knowing nothing about them other than their job? i had a nice programming job, 2 weeks ago, i used to enjoy going out for drinks, or dinner or to see a show once in a while. nerdlove is recommending a list with very specific requirements like only dating women who read everything by asimov or not dating a man who doesn't own a rolls-royce. i'm gonna be low-end for awhile, it's crushing to know i'm gonna be disqualified by most women in my age range. if you are having fear/self-esteem issues that prevent you from working, you should not be dating. reading a persons online dating profile is like reading a car ad in it's usefulness – you might get a general sense of if they're the general model you're looking for, but no useful information beyond that.'m going to offer another perspective, as a woman who has taken a couple years off the dating scene after dealing with a few different types of bad situations in a rather short period., while there have been times i've been the approacher, or the approached, generally i see interactions as mutual. i know this from experience, from dating men who were significantly less educated than me, and guess what? see dating and relationships not as one person chasing another, but two people dancing together. and while i doubt i'll ever become pregnant again, i don't want to have children and i'd do the same thing if things went wrong a second time.
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yeah, i'm a guy…but that doesn't mean i can't have standards. realize it can be a hard mental shift after i’ve just finished explaining that having standards is important and finding people who meet them is a key to a lasting relationship. i'm not talking about someone who wants to marry rich instead of middle class, but more the logistical issues that come up when one person is having financial problems serious enough to make early stage dating very difficult.'m a wife of a soldier, and while i'm not one (yet), i have a special kind of personality that makes it easier for me to handle the tougher aspects of the job. because she can take a more passive role, sitting back and waiting to see if he fulfills her expectations is something she can afford to do, while the guy who has to do more of the pursuing cannot. you really, honestly, cannot feel any emotional and/or physical attraction to anyone other than a very select group of people, even when you give them a chance, then that sucks, but i can't see that lowering your standards would help. fact of the matter is though, that while you may not get 100% of what you want, that 60, 70, even 80%?, people really get hooked on dream lovers – some erotic fantasy where she looked just like this, and he acted just like that, and their standards are really about trying to recreate them. but even if these social standards are really important to someone, they will still tell him/her very little about which wealthy doctor is going to be a good fit. you still decided that *before* you knew whether she met your standards, simply because she didn't tell you everything about herself immediately. i also realized that i had that dangerously toxic mindset (the one about becoming forever alone) for a while and that i simply need to be at ease and find someone who i like and can connect to on an emotional and physical level. here's why: a woman can never be sure if she's dating the glom-on, never let you go kind of guy. a busy surgeon might date a woman who's much more emotional and like running a household because wants that stuff but doesn't have any time himself – dating another surgeon, with two on-call schedules, would never work. it's not always obvious how to adjust standards in these cases, since few women are bald and most men are relatively flat-chested. i know this sounds harsh, and i really hope you do get better, but in dating, you are not the only person affected. i think examples of really unhelpful high standards are those that don't necessarily speak to the personality or value characteristics of a person. i've tried the online dating thing a few times and it's always the same.