What to Do When Your Boyfriend is Still Online Dating
What To Do If the Person You're Dating Still Has an Active Online
if he is logging in…… he is looking or communicating and the bottom line is… you will never be able to trust him completely because this will always be in the back of your mind. what if this other guy he sees has a car and they meet up regularly? or have you been the one caught on a dating site? approach it from the stance that you want to understand where he’s coming from (but also that you think you should be taking the profiles down). in your case it sounds like he’s keeping it online (for whatever reason) but he’s also lying to you about it. i messaged a guy on a dating site and we texted for weeks before finally meeting up. both accounts are still “active” technically, but there hasn’t been any activity on either. his job is stressful right now, but in my mind, if you like someone a minute or two to send a quick hello is not a big deal. if he wasn’t interested , he could’ve said that when i texted him once during the no contact(cos he would’ve been thinking ” i think this girls still into me”) why make me think that he is still interested when he’s obviously not. they also indicated that to open an email or wink from the service from the associated account would show them as online. i told him again that it makes me feel as though i can’t trust him if his profile is still visible because that means he is still single. a man leaves his online dating profile active, what does it mean? so i texted him jokingly that then whatsapp must be messing with me, because it says he was last online last night around 9pm. is so true, i can honestly say that given this is a very hard task to do as well as keep up with. i think it would be better to try to stay away from him at this point…he’s lied enough that it will be hard to tell if or when he starts telling the truth! we are talking and seeing each other, he met my friends and even introduced me to his. occasionally joke on how we get emails in our personal email accounts saying people are still trying to contact us and we should probably take them down because we feel bad that people are trying to contact us especially when you open an email in your personal account because it shows that you have read the email to the sender even if you haven’t logged on. occasionally joke on how we get emails in our personal email accounts saying people are still trying to contact us and we should probably take them down because we feel bad that people are trying to contact us especially when you open an email in your personal account because it shows that you have read the email to the sender even if you haven’t logged on. he still checks his profile each day but not multiple times per day. this may not be the most polite way to go about things, but it’s their prerogative. i am still not sure how to handle the situation. he also tells me that he hasn’t told any women that he loved them since his ex wife – and they have been divorced 11+ years at this point. i asked about it and to his credit -it is an old flame and he hasn’t been on the site since april. you two have ongoing sex in any form , have respect for yourself as well as her and anyone else you are whispering to in bed – and either become exclusive if its going well or let her find a man who knows her worth and would like to share life with her. he visited me one weekend (stayed in a hotel), i visited him the following weekend (stayed with him), two weekends pass and he came to visit me again this past weekend. he’s removed his dating profiles, although i don’t like that i had to get very demanding about that. hes very loving and affectionate which completely goes against the grain of him being emotionally closed off. this article seems to expose a type of man that is rotten to the core and is capable of using women without any conscience. since we see each other daily (he gets mad if we don’t) i just don’t know how to deal with this anymore and its taking its toll on me. he had asked me to meet his mom a few months ago, but we had to cancel and it has yet to happen. his last message though was that he was going to message me the next day. i kinda already mentioned about this… i dont know how to play it. i still think that’s a fine thing to do but more recently i’ve found myself encouraging women to be a bit more pro-active or aggressive (whereas changing your photo is rather passive-aggressive). i only work 5-6 hour days, and then i was back to staying at my place but we were still constantly seeing each other. is fabulous to have a weeded out process available in this day but the downside is evident. i know its wrong to snoop but i did i went on his cell phone and found that he has an open tagged account. this point i don’t want to even mention to him that i’m aware he’s quite active, especially on match which my sister says allows for various forms of communication with people unlike the site i’d met him on, where his original profile remains active. i’ve been dating a guy for a couple of months and we are sleeping together (safely). the 2nd time i had a little too many and it got a little too late and we ended up going back to his place and well you can guess what happened. give the guy a little breathing room to figure out his own mind, and trust that someone who likes you will do what he can to let you know and reassure you that he likes you. unfortunately i’m a bit of a worrier and now i’m worried about what his motives are. he knows i’m interested but yet he’s browsing online. that’s how things went for my wife and i when we met online. are you both okay having profiles up and options available? he’s all over the shop & i can’t handle this roller coaster. if he’s introducing this way to some people but that way to other people, i think you have a right to know where you stand. as i’ve said previously, if you can do this without anger or making him feel threatened, i think it will go better. wonder what he’ll think when he sees his fiance’s new profile there. am sorry to be negative here, but i dated a guy for three months that i met online…i noticed that his profile was still active and often he was checking it daily…i wanted to trust him so i did…i confronted him about it, but said that i trusted him and wanted him to take his profile down because he wanted to, not because i asked him to. have been on 5 dates with a guy who i met online, i really like him & feel like we have a good connection, but he has not yet mentioned exclusivity & deleting our profiles. he had told me earlier that he wanted to get off the dating site. he is introducing me to his dad (who lives out of state but is coming to visit) next week, so thats kind of a big deal but yet he is still doing this…help please! after 6 months of dating, he still introduces me as a friend to people he knows when we go out. so my question is should i be concern about his profile is still up and he’s still checking it, since i never mention or ask him to take it down. as i usually contact him 1st but he responds like right away, like he is sitting on his phone almost. hmm…i don’t think you should be looking for a way to blame yourself for his actions. so i agree with you guys, this needed improvement and i got around to it. i don’t know how it got to this point. we all went to his friend’s houseparty and we were holding hands and he even wanted me to sit on his lap because there weren’t enough chairs whilst we were there. i once again bring it up because i’m hurt and he proceeds to say he honestly thought it was nothing and had deleted the app and proceeded to even cancel his subscription in front of me. when it comes to me and dating i think i have the worst luck and i cant even get past the 3rd date with someone so i am always walking on pins and needles each time. i was dating a guy who i discovered had a secret dating profile. wish i could find an article more recent in regards to this topic. that being said, almost 100% of the time when i talk to women in this situation they want to follow the advice your friend is giving you: lay low, wait it out. only that, but the sexsearch profile showed that he had been active on it in the last 5 days. he claimed a guy he worked with asked him to check out and see if his wife was messing around. then i saw just two months ago he was texting w/ his buddies about have spring time itch again. expected both our profiles would remain active until we were certain we were right for each other and moved forward in the relationship. we chat/txt evey day without fail, he has been to my house few times now but i’ve never been to his. don’t know what to do at this point – my friends say just lay low, wait it out, don’t contact him anymore and see what happens – my gut is leading me into the mindset that he found someone else while i was away, or just decided he went too fast and is now backing off way too much. out of boredom i signed onto the dating site where i met for the first time in a long time. i deleted my profile ages ago, but this afternoon i had a look and he is still using it. told me the first day i hadnt talked to him that he forgot his phone at his friends, and id like to believe him but now 2 more days of him not talking to me much i dont know what to think… my friends tell me to give him space so im gonna work on not trying to contact him as much today. and he said he had logged in to show his friends my picture that i was the highlight of the weekend. so looks like he pulled one over on me and is still online. if you’re just not comfortable with that, it sounds to me like you could bring this up again. said, if you’ve only been dating for 4 or 5 weeks, i think i’d recommend you just be patient for a while longer. he didn’t say marriage, but his intentions are long term with me and he is excited to see a long term future together. how clear was his side of the agreement to being committed? the original poster stated that she slept with someone without any clear idea of what their relationship actually was before doing so ( quote – it’s not like i’d call this guy my boyfriend already), yet is upset that her sexual partner (that’s all he really is ) is still looking for dates somewhere else. question: do the same mechanics apply vice versa (woman continues to browse the onlinedating site)? he was suddenly not wanting me to meet his friends. have met an army man on an online dating site about 6 weeks ago, and we pretty much hit it off right from the beginning. have been dating this guy i met from online for about 3 months now, everything was amazing in the beginning. i’ve seen this with some regularity talking to people over the years and while i can’t say for certain, that might be what’s going on here. as it turns out, he continued to see his fwb through mid december, sometimes he was ‘with’ both of us on the same day! although my trust to him is kind of broken but i still want to trust him again. he then texted me and said he too tired was but i saw he was on his match account. thing is in the begining he was referring to our future hopefully it would lead toi marriage and refferred me as his wife, love etc. how he hates the fact he makes me feel the way i do with all this. he said ‘no’, he said he had posted those pictures to see if i would notice, and because he was curious to know if i had been online lately, which he saw that i hadn’t.” and submit it to the an(n)als of online dating! i will tell you that he does the same with his job though. i even had one reader who had gave the man a hard time the day after their first date when his profile was still up. even after three discussions and several screenshots as well as telling him how to delete his account and how to bury his cookie email tracks, he still could not resist. out of the blue, i got a curiosity about the profile situation. it sounds like this guy decided to start looking again but wasn’t going to tell you. have been dating a wonderful woman for over 3 months that i met on match. so i went into my whatsapp (that’s how we communicate) and checked when my messages to him were actually read (i normally don’t pay attention to this), and it came out that he seemed to have been online at times when he told me that he didn’t have wifi on his phone. he said he was trying to hide his but couldnt do it on his phone but when he gets a laptop he will do it, i said ill hide mine too. have been seeing a man i met online for almost a year now. he can get you a hotel room and take you on a road trip but logging into a website and removing his profile is beyond his time and resources? i began dating, i realized what fun i was having with it, even if a date wasn’t great, i just loved getting out there and meeting new people and discovering things about myself and relationships that i hadn’t before.’m not sure i follow cathy – did you meet him a long time ago on a dating site but now he’s forgotten? i checked, and he’s been online in the past 4 hours. after reading many of these stories i have somewhat of an undertstanding that this is not uncommon. he told me the thing’s he told my fake profile weren’t true – ‘i was obviously trying to pick her up – would i tell her i am seeing or sleeping with someone? he even had the brashness to say in his email to this imaginary girl (who was me): ” i am also very honest with my partners, nothing can be built on lies…. if i had met him at the pub, i would have met his friends & seen his place. just met someone this past weekend and we “hooked up” for a few days and it was nice…and i find it weird that he still emails me on the site seeing that we have had such a hot weekend… i have stated that i find it weird to communicate since he and i have each others phone number and i also stated that i date one person at a time and that if he chooses to continue looking that is on him…. i ended communication with all other guys, hid my profile and gave this guy my full attention because that’s the kind of woman i am. but he told me its long over their marriage and said she wont be allowed in his house or at least where his computer is anymore- i could hear anger in his voice. he was dating and sleeping w/ tons of women – that doesn’t really concern me too much, as i can’t say i wasn’t doing a little of the same, and we had not declared exclusivity at that point. i also told him that we agreed to be exclusive and that having an active profile tells other women that he is still single and it is disrespectful and unacceptable to me. he constantly went on dating apps to talk to other girls and he confessed to me and told me he cheated on me. but you have to chill about the online dating thing. again, i calmly asked him about this, and he seemed genuinely confused. don’t center it around whether or not he’s talking to women online; focus on the reality of your in-real-life relationship, and where you’d like to see it go., this guy may not even be thinking about his profile and might be totally confused if you disappeared. – if i understand correctly, you’re saying that if he doesn’t decide to take his profile down in 6 weeks then you’ll not talk with him about it and just end things?
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Ask a Guy: We're Dating, But He Still Checks
dating profile is still active – is he interested or not? i immediately drove over to his house, and asked him (not in an angry or confrontational way) if we wanted to date other people. a married man let me tell you even after years and years with a woman i love, i still rarely know what’s going on in her head. if you think this is annoying i definitely understand but i would still encourage tact when you try to resolve this issue. still, these are areas you will need him to define. for the last few months this has been by far the question i’ve received most often from readers. they met online were together 2 years and he was still checking his site. if you’ve read a lot of my advice you’ll know that i do see dating one person at a time as problematic. maybe wait a week or so and see if the profile comes down on its own. i was quick to let you know how much i loved my wife but every time i told you this i also punched her in the face. until now, nothing about him has bothered me at all, and i would hate for this to ruin what could be a great thing. she showed me the profile and it said he was interested in meeting women for dates. the last time i went round he had a friend staying for a week (he’s from the states) but still wanted me to come over. i told him at the end, “i’ll get home and delete my profile :p” he goes, “so will i ren :)” so that night when he got home, we texted for about an hour and he told me what a great time he had and that he can’t wait til i’m in the same college as him so we can always be together. many of them are not serious and they are addicted to match and other dating sites. charles if you can give me ur intake on this i would appreciate it. i have no idea how he’ll respond and whether he wants to keep seeing other people, as he had stated his doubts about our relationship before when we broke up. it does make it harder him living in london and myself in suffolk as we don’t have what i would call a normal dating relationship which does make it harder. if i was seeing a guy and i found out he was using dating sites… i’d dump him. i’ve gone on a handful of online dates over the past few years and that have never resulted in a second date. have you been 100% open with him on how all this makes you feel? i was living in the belief that he had deleted his site and i didn’t even doubt him about it for a second, sine he had promised me he would. please listen to your instincts and there is nothing wrong for a man or woman to check out their perspective other not in this day and age. i met my boyfriend on an online dating website years ago. still he kept his profile up as “single” so i did too. can tell you from personal experience that this was a skill i needed to learn. i don’t know what to do, put my profile back up, question him again or what.. even if after i take mine down, because it is just a profile… and i have decided… (just now) after reading all these comments that unless he cheats and i can prove it (and i will be gone)… nothing else matters…. i’m still also unsure if i want to be in a serious exclusive relationship with him. he said he had in the past gone from one serious relationship to another and wants to see what dating around is like. as maree touched on earlier, these guys wouldn’t try to continue to pick up other women and real life and shouldn’t do so online either. i know he checked his email and eventually he did look at the profile, but he did not take the bait and respond back. as a former dating blogger, i started profiles on some sites to try them out and write reviews so there are simply just dating sites that i don’t remember about. that said, even if this guy is an idiot with computers who isn’t getting together in person with women he’s meeting online, if he’s continuing to log in, it’s not unreasonable to conclude that he’s doing this to feel that he’s either keeping his options open, or that he’s looking for the ego boost that comes from strangers finding him attractive. he said that he wants to continue dating me and that he wants to work on things. lied when he said he added pictures to his profile just to see if i would notice and to see if i was still online. i know you make a case for not doing this in your comment but i worry that there is some risk in expecting a man to recognize:The moment when it is obvious you are both moving towards proper committment (and not even by the time’ you have committed to exclusivity verbally). that talk goes something like “hey, i really like you and i’m pretty sure i don’t to date anyone but you. i told him it was iffy and i had hidden my profile because i’m not sure about it all together. post: how to turn him onthe bottom line is, still being active when you’re in an exclusive relationship is a pretty bad thing. he said he hated his life, he’s depressed, sad … an emotionally unstable person shouldn’t be online lol. so, while perhaps this seems immature, i got gussied up big time and decided to go out that night, knowing we were supposed to go out together later on., why not hide your profiles so other people won’t contact either of you? i did confront him to discuss it but now i realise i did so – not to understand him – but only with a view to declaring that he had failed, that i don’t ‘share’ and therefore we couldn’t continue in this state. he told me that he would like us to be in a relationship, but because we were approaching his busiest time of the year at work, that he would like to wait until things calmed down a bit…he said 2 of his serious relationships ended over it in the past. double your chances and give staffordshire dating site a try for free today.! i just found out today he has another profile on pof i want to date other men but now i feel stuck…. i know that’s easier said than done but if you do end up dating him again just be very cautious…sounds to me like he would have cheated on you if he would have had the chance. i am a relationship girl – cannot do this casual/fwb stuff! am his first relationship since a divorce from a 16 year marriage from a woman who had cheated on him. actually i have some of my toiletries in his bathroom and he’s fine with that. he said he could ask me the same thing and that i had blown up his phone all day until it died. there where little things that happened when we first started dating that i didn’t concern myself with too much at the time, but now i felt like i had to get resolution about those things if i was really going to make a big commitment like this with him. well, curiosity killed the cat, so i created a fake profile and though his was hidden, there are ways to search and find it regardless. perhaps a taste of his own medicine will wake him up to what he’s doing…but honestly that’s not the point or the goal. i brought it up with him, as i couldn’t pretend i hadn’t seen his profile. jackie – as with the other situations, i can’t say exactly why he would keep his profile up. few days ago she offerered to help her friend with her match profile. did you already have the conversation to deactivate all your profiles? he promised that was not his intention and again said he would take his profile down, but needed help because he couldn’t figure it out. i found he was still on there, not just on there, but online now and he had added a new picture with a shirt that i got for him for christmas. saw texts between him and his hockey buddies about how he wants to f*% everybody and how we was getting that ‘spring time itch’ really bad. he’s an adult and for whatever reason, this is the choice he’s making right now. thing about the advice above is that someone women will want to start this process immediately after the first date. now 5 weeks later i will be meeting his kids and going to a family gathering soon but he is still online.’ i had so many answers to that question like if he liked me as much as he said would he still be looking at other girls, or how do i know he’s not talking to others? of course, you should only do this if you could be comfortable with it. i myself have been dating a guy for a little over a month. i know you can hide your profile when you have an active subscription because i’ve done it so don’t let him try to convince you he can’t do that either. and no a guy views dating so differently to us that it can only be expected that removing his profile is repeatedly a delayed occurrence. i love him but he wont commit, using this family thing as an excuse i guess, but then he still is online tlking to random women whilst keeping me in and out of his life? met my current boyfriend online a couple months ago, he kept mentioning thing about me being his girlfriend so 2 weeks ago i asked if we were together and he said yes. he still makes updates to his site and says he is single and “looking for long term and short term dating.)anyway,i said, so i am just going to enjoy this while we’re here. it’s so frustrating for me that the website charged him (earlier than they should) and after he had cancelled his sub. there are some great guys using dating services but sometimes it takes having a good deal of patience to find them. i decided the other day to go on and delete my profile since we’ve declared each other ‘mine’. so just ask him if he still goes on, if he says no, he’s lying, but if he says yes, this can lead to an important conversation. explain how much you enjoyed spending time with her but given how infrequently you are seeing each other and given the fact that she’s still looking online, you feel like you should keep your options open. this friend since added me on facebook and so has his housemate. if this was a mistake, tell me… i can forgive, but i won’t forget. almost everyone who has success with online dating will have some time where they have a subscription but aren’t using it…assuming they meet someone. then, he has been trying to sleep with my with no strings attached and even today he told me he misses me and wants me, but still sees people that he met on the site, but i am the only one he really likes… sure…. he told my fake profile in his last email 2 days back that there was no spark between us & that’s why he kept it casual. he has met my family and gets along great with them, i have met his mom and some of his friends. and then he asked me to accompany him to his brother’s girlfriend’s b’day. have been dating a guy for 5 weeks, been out 12 times w/a couple of overnights. i didn’t realize that by cancelling an account it just meant that your subscription wouldn’t renew, not that your profile wasn’t still active. need a bit of advice as i’m recently dealing with this. as far as the deployed thing, he is getting deployed in a few months, and this is something i knew about not long after we met. and knowing that he’s still browsing, i feel reluctant and fear i know the answer already.. ladies, be smart about this, like a previous poster said, respect yourselves, love yourselves, and have enough confidence to kick his azz to the curb if you have to… one day he will realize what he had and how he messed it up, may not be tomorrow but one day he will! it’s just that the sent messages show when that user has been online). i understand his availability issues because of his work as a nurse, but i’m feeling this sadness and doubt inside me because it has already been almost a week since he last sent me a message. notice shes still going on this same dating website we met on ( i had taken mine off since we met) but this worries me so much that i asked if she still went onto the site and she said she did. basically i met this guy on a marriage website and we got to know each other of the basic stuff., based on his responses to your previous questions, i get the feeling if you were able to prove he was using the services his response is going to be a strong one (and to me it seems like the wrong person is getting angry! i did my usual hey there sexy, he said lol…i asked him how his work thing was going, no response. set up some boundaries to lessen (not eliminate) the likelihood of this happening to me again. do with online dating site, so…what had this punk done? this dating scene nowadays is tough , it is tempting not only to look around for other people because dating websites are just a click away, but snooping is easier as well, and very tempting. yesterday morning i checked again and it said ‘online now’ to say i felt sick was an understatement but i didn’t want to go wading in and accuse him when i didn’t know the story. i made it clear that i was not looking to settle down, but did want to continue dating him to see where it could lead, but could only do it if neither of us were going to continue to see other people. i asked him on sunday and he said he was in there cleaning up his inbox before deleting. in the meantime brad he treats me very well and has introduced me to his parents and all his friends. the second is that he’s actually met friends through the site before, and so on the off-chance that he has an opportunity to make more friends, he’s not disabling his account. similar story met a guy online 2 months ago we meet once a week on the. i then asked if he was still on the dating site and he said yes. who’s to say there aren’t other profiles out there that i am not even aware of? the next morning i asked why he always tried to meet me during weekdays and he said it was just a coincidence cos his weekends would get so busy. it seems that this was the choice he was making prior to you making an issue of it so i really don’t think your actions need much scrutinizing. so how on earth can it be acceptable to do it online! his status updating from:“interested in meeting women for dates”. it proved to me this is someone i really want to be exclusive with. i don’t know if you would necessarily want to “let it go” but at the same time if he’s keeping his options open you might want to do the same (including staying active online). people change – but i don’t want to be a fool about this. had not been on my profile since nov when we had the talk, and neither had he, but we didn’t discuss hiding or removing our profiles. i still haven’t come across a problem like mine. there was more to the text that told me his close friends were there at the pub with him. 5 days later – screen shots proved he had just been online and active.
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The 12 Biggest Online Dating Red Flags
before becoming intimate, demand exclusivity, which also means get off of all dating sites – and let him know that you will check periodically to make sure he does. this article has been very helpful but i want something a little bit more specific. where he stands may not be where you hope, but he should still know where that is! Right is our advice column that tackles the tricky world of online dating. have met an army man on an online dating site about 6 weeks ago, and we pretty much hit it off right from the beginning.. which is solely his decision… however i have the right to vocalize my thoughts which is what i did… i would never tell him to close his account and also to those of you that are upset that you man has his account out there… how do you know unless yours is out there or you are still online? hana, this guy is looking around while enjoying you and wonderful qualities. i was so upset i put my profile back up without telling him, but i haven’t been active in looking to date anyone else. i thought everything was great his parents know all about me i’ve met his friends and some family. he said we are not dating but we couldn’t establish any status quo. we met on a dating site and i knew when we started dating his profile was hidden ( i wanted to show my friends who he was but couldnt find it! he said he was extremely hurt as well and he still cares for me a lot, but wants to take it slow. yes, we’re actually on the same page and at some point i’ll modify this post – it doesn’t get many visits and it’s very old, so i just didn’t get around to it and expand it. have been dating a wonderful woman for over 3 months that i met on match. things are well, but i’m still struggling with it all. “if then it dosn’t work out boys – by all means go back online, chat and date all the people in the world that you desire! he said that he had taken his match account down, and i believed him. i said it was up to him (i want him to take it down because he wants to not because i want him to…) i did say that him keeping his profile active made me feel that he wished to keep his options open and that if he wanted me to feel that way then to carry on. but my daughter has this thing where she loves to look at his pictures and since his phone is touch screen and she is only 3 she sometimes hits other buttons, well about a week ago she opened his browser and ended up on the exact dating site i am talking about. shed some light on thisand please tell me what i should do. know this is almost what everyone else is saying but i would like your advice. i get that idea and if he were actively looking to meet new people i could even agree…but if he’s only logging in to respond to new emails why not remove the profile so all those women don’t have to “work hard” in the first place? i still believe what i wrote there, i’m finding that many of the women who are contacting me are not at the point where they are sure if the man is their “boyfriend” or not. it was after telling him this that he asked me if i can go out with him on several days for the coming week. he said he hates the fact i always have to leave and wishes i could stay at his place all the time. i think for now, you might want to hide your profile in the off chance that he’s keeping his profile up because he still sees yours is up. he said his data on his phone wouldn’t work (i think he meant he didn’t want to risk paying for the roaming), but he would text me whenever he would get a chance. i was able to get a hold of his phone last week and saw that he had the dating site application on it. i don’t like to come across as the vulnerable one & dating commitment phobes in the past has made me tougher so i don’t want to bring up a conversation of where are things going or mention his profile still being up. in this first section, i wanted to walk through getting clear on how committed he really is in the first place. you been dating exclusively for 3 months or have you not had a talk on being exclusive? if you haven’t agreed to be exclusive, i feel this is the point that the relationship would need to reach before you would be in a position of strength to ask that the profile be removed.! this after he tells me he’s the luckiest man to have a great catch like me. i am not active on any of these sites and my fiancé knows that i may have a profile or two out there. i wonder why dating is so hard for myself but seems so easy for others.! this happened to me after being in an exclusive relationship for 14 months. to hear but this is how it should go if you expect to be trusted. my membership came to an end shortly after we started emailing and i chose not to renew – i’m now off of the site, and he knows this. i do have some advice but let’s first look at one reader’s email and user this as an example for better understanding where you stand with your guy:My issue comes with him still having his profile up, and with my curiosity getting the best of me, i check almost everyday just to see when he last logged on – seems to be every few days or so. to play devils advocate: let’s imagine he totally forgot about this profile. i’m a single mother of 3 and this ‘bleep’ honestly thought i would take care of him literally and cater to his every whim. maybe you should join all those dating sites just to piss him off! i recently confronted him about a woman on his facebook that was posting pics of him and about how much she loves him. i understand you don’t need anyone to tell you to leave a guy like him although he’s obviously taking you for granted, but i think there is a way you can help yourself, that is try to “concentrate on yourself” instead of making yourself look like a miserable wife who’s always waiting for his return, have you thought of this, besides his ego boost and maybe sexual need which motivate him to go online to talk to other girls, you’re also one of the reason why he keeps doing it? he seems genuine but he won’t take his profile off & commit. i told him earlier today that i had deleted my profile, “just to let him know”. it’s early may, and we’re spending mothers day with his parents. to me this makes it feel as if hes expecting us to fail or something. so i don’t think it’s impossible that the man you are dating is not actually using the site with intent to meet someone, so much as to flirt or assess his worth on the dating market. look… we live in a time where everyone can see everything that’s going on online with people. on monday he asked if he could see me on tuesday and i told him i wouldn’t mind but i wasn’t getting intimate since i didn’t like the idea of him flirting and dating other women. deleted my profile about 2 weeks after we had started being boyfriend and girlfriend. retain some reality, because being online is so surreal and the rules of engagement so different to real life that some surely find it unbalancing. it’s clear he’s online but not yet dating anyone. if you have ever heard of law of attraction, it says the same thing, if you want to get someone back, you shall stop thinking of this person all the time but think of what you can do to make yourself happier(this is the hardest, you can’t just do it as if u r really doing it , but still think of him 24/7, you have to do it as if you are really into loving yourself more and more), trust me…people are attracted to people who love themselves deeply, and you proved it already by how much you love a self-centered man, so just copy his way and love yourself more, meet more people, by the time when he realizes you can live well without having his attention, that is the time he realizes how much you are worth and comes back to you. he opened an email and my friends said he was online within 24 hours. he did not have any sent messages in his sent out box. the thing is he goes on his match account every day. do text and talk on the phone quite often but i had came to realise that its already been 3 months and his profile is still active and he goes on it quite often. i feel that it is his way of letting me know that he is not doing anything behind my back and is totally honest. before all this i knew we have a whole lot in common and there was a lot of chemistry and sexual tension plus i really like him. i was like would u be happy hidin ur profile as i am. we have gone on trips, and had wonderful dates, he told me i’m just the girl he’s dating. have felt tempted a couple of times to search for him on dating websites to see if he’s back on them or not, but i have stopped myself from doing so because it wouldn’t be fair to him or me at the end. i’ve been dating this guy for 5 months now, we spend every weekend together. where has all the trust gone, now i feel he’s been doing this the entire length of our relationship? will try to keep this to the point and as brief as possible which may prove to be difficult since i’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. both have 3 children, although his dont live with him and are a bit older than mine. he held my handhe put his arms round me and we had a lovely time once more. a girlfriend (or boyfriend) can usually tell it the profile is real in any number of ways – if the profile has exact details about height and weight, the writing style that was used, etc….’s no other reason to log back into a dating site, unless you’re shopping around for the next fling/relationship. and that he stays online because he is afraid of closing all doors and just be with me, the first woman. it’s not like i’d call this guy my boyfriend already, i know it’s still early… but what’s your opinion? have had a 5-6 really great dates, chemistry off the charts, met his daughter, spent a weekend with him. now the only reason i knew to look and see if he was on there was this gut feeling that i got. boat here…been dating my guy for 11 months now – we are both 42….’m concerned telling her this may rattle her a bit givien her prior experience and scare her off. im really falling for this guy and i never ever pressure him on anything cause i know men dont like to be pressured so i kind of take each day as it comes. all of our contact – texting/dates, was due to his initiating – i never texted first or asked him out. i checked, and again i was right on the money (i should have read this blog before so i did not do what i did again) i called him out, this time he flat out lied and got verbally abusive. he kept his profile online and then during a period where he was busy he removed the profile. my friend asked if i check to see if he had gotten on his profile, so i did, and that sunday night he had been on. he introduced me to some guy as his girlfriend but tells everyone else i am his friend. your motivations for checking up on this are worth looking at, though, because it gives me the feeling that either something inside you feels like you don’t quite trust this guy or that you don’t trust the relationship you’re in to have trust as a quality (and so you’re always checking and testing because you don’t have that trust to begin with… this is separate, but i want to address it for your sake in general). the time august 2014 (now one year of dating), he was spending every night at my house, we practically lived together, even though he still had his own home. but he still checks it daily so im kinda confused. needless to say, i was relieved that he hadn’t been online in quite some time. that, both of us (individually, this wasn’t something we had agreed to do or asked the other to do) changed our statuses on the dating site to “seeing someone.” i say this not from a blaming standpoint, but for the purpose of seeing where you might be limiting yourself and thus a place where you could improve and empower yourself (and your relationships as a result). something in me made me curious and i looked at your match profile and saw you’d logged on recently after we said we’d be exclusive. during that weekend we spent a lot of time walking around in the town where he lives, we had lunch and dinner in one of his favorite restaurants, and generally had a great time. day 3 he texts me and apologizes for his coldness and tells me that i don’t deserve that. i got really sad about he still having it up and went into my zone for the rest of the night. so 4 days goes by (we agreed he would contact me), he didn’t. i was upset since according to dating norm he should have paid. in the article above i recommended that you update your profile to show him you’re still active. i deactivated my pof online dating acount 2 weeks ago as soon as we discussed that we were dating. i am a little upset so a few days i set up a fake profile with photos of another friend he has never met and messaged him. online dating was an avenue i hadn’t tried and i was curious!. i brought up the subject and he insisted it was nothing that he had an app on his phone and would click on it when bored but that he would remove the app. i guess you could mention to him that your friend told you that she saw his account was still up and you could let him know that you’d feel much better if he hid it. if he still doesn’t make the right decision (taking his profile down), i think you may want to consider putting yours back up as well to see if you can find other people to date. then if it doesn’t, you could tell him a friend told you that she saw him actively online and you could ask why his profile is still active. i’ve been dating a guy now i met online for almost four months now. you didn’t somehow break into and read his emails or texts. after 6 weeks of talking non stop via text, a few phones calls a week, and seeing each other no less than once a week i brought up the “where is this going” talk…. this immediately sends her the message that i don’t trust her and i lack confidence, two very crucial steps in the wrong direction. i don’t know why he has to do this, i thought he has me?, as i’m getting this question more and more often, i’m hoping the details i’ve included here can help you reach the point where he realizes there is no reason for him to keep his profile active any longer. have said to him that if he likes, he can continue dating but he needs to tell me, so that i can do the same. he hides his friends list on facebook and has changed his relationship status from “single” to hidden since he asked me to be his gf. oh, and he officially asked me to be his girlfriend in february. he’s spoken a lot about his parents and himself and his friends and his work. curiousity always killed the cat and i checked to see if he was still active a couple weeks ago and he was. he said the only reason he was on it was to try to figure out why they took out of his account. i asked him playfully several times if he’d take the profile off he never gave answers. i’m pretty savvy with my online privacy settings and avoided clicking on his profile, so he couldn’t see that i had visited it. said, i’d be careful to really be sure that he owns that profile. the fact that he won’t allow you to post pictures of the two of you together but then has photos with his “online girlfriend” is particularly troubling. after almost 4 months, i was really falling for him, and had stopped dating other guys after month 3.
Faking it — scammers' tricks to steal your heart and money | Page 4
as you’re deleting old messages, you see she’s changed her profile picture. i know he was aware that i disabled my profile because he can check it. one thing bothers me though, his profile in the dating site is still active – though he told me before that he rarely checks or chat with women in it. am asking because i don’t know if this agreement is assumed on your part or if he explicitly said, “yes, you and i are exclusive…” or, better yet, “i want to be exclusive with you. he also said he has friends he talks to but no one that he is seeing or dating. thoughts are that yes a girl makes this decision more quickly – instinctively not wishing to harm the budding relationship. sum it all up: i would expect that within the first month of actively dating each other that you should have an idea of where you stand and i would expect his profile to be down. we both want to get married, so this site and our culture is the norm for that. this might come off as being too ‘charming’ or ‘player-like’, but it’s actually not. do think that approaching this with caution is a good idea…you don’t want to come off as if you’re obsessing. even after all this thinking and reading: i still don’t understand entirely. i’m so confused, but over thisyear our conversations and time spent together hs allowed my heart to grow. if a woman continued intereacting with men she was meeting online, the man she’d been planning a future with wouldn’t dismiss it as innocent. which btw still says “singe” and “actively seeking a relationship”. i know, because i have a friend that is on the same dating site and she keeps me updated, unfortunately. are you ok with having sexual relations with one another while your profiles are active? i treat him so well, cook, clean, and care for his kids but yet i seem to have no standing with him. i met him online, soon after romeo proclaimed adoration and love for me he “deactivated” his account as he said he is % sure i was the one his been looking for. i can totally understand having caution after being cheated on, but at the same time you don’t want to wait months and months only to find out this might not go anywhere., forgot to mention, i go over to his place a lot and everytime i leave, he begs me to stay and says he hates that i have to leave. also, you might want to ask him why he wants to keep his profile up if you are using words like that. that tells me a)he’s looking for better than me b)he’s looking for an ego stroke since hes was inactive for a month or c) maybe trying to show his ex(who he also met on the site) that he’s putting himself out there. is now going away on his own for the next week or so but when he is back i shall ask to see him. however i knew of the website and i was able to see his profile when i got home. good thing is, it doesn’t sound like you’re approaching this situation in a demanding sort of way. he wants to spend all of his free time with me and i feel that due to the fact that hes new to the city that’s mainly because he doesn’t know a lot of ppl.” but i wouldn’t fault him much for looking at the fake profile. some online dating sites have a lot more than just “dating” going on on them so i wouldn’t worry too much about this dude’s continued perusal of the site right now (in addition to everything the captain said). i’m writing this to help people out — i don’t look at relationship advice as men vs. i took my profile down and never asked him if he did or not. again, not with any type of ultimatum, but i’d let her know that you’d be interested in concentrating on dating each other exclusively. so, i put my profile back up today and i am not going to tell him. don’t really like to say things like: “you should break up” or “clearly your guy or gal is cheating on you,” but, honestly, if you’ve been together for a while and your significant other is active on a dating site he or she is probably up to no good. so i never talked to him about the dating site but i found out that he isn’t using the site we met on anymore but that he has set up an account for a totally different site and tried to hide that it’s really him so that no one will know. we talked about this issue almost every night and i told him i feel hurt that he still talks to girls from dating app. he also told me at night that he’s missing challenge in his life. – would you feel comfortable telling him you want to take your profile down and ask him if he would do the same? he said he did not show that day as he ex came to his home and found him on pof and freaked out. this original question, the reader had just gone exclusive with the guy and my comment was from a place of, “give it a week or two to adjust…” the website was a lot smaller – a few thousand visitors a month versus the millions we get now. i feel like i’m just there and he is still looking for something better and it makes me feel bad. an addiction to online dating, even if you have a significant other. guy i met online and he said he needed space to get over an ex. again 🙂 just clarifying that the part i wrote about him telling his buddy he ‘sort of has a girlfriend’ and that ‘he is trying to behave’, was over a year ago – that conversation did not happen 4 months ago, i got my dates wrong…too much confusion, right! i then said: ” i am the other girl” the look on his face was priceless especially when he realised that all of the stuff he had written (and there was pages and pages of very intimate stuff) was all sent to me. i told him if i ever considered dating another man i would be honest. he doesn’t know i know…i don’t know how much longer i can keep up this role.’d try not to worry too much at this point. you can learn more about his personal experience using online dating and running this website here. of now, my “match” still gets on often despite us going out many times. i have not confronted my boyfriend about this online dating profile yet. i asked if his feelings changed at all towards our situation. just received an update to this email and reread the original posting and eric’s response..i met him online we went ona first date and it was grreat, then he took me on a weekend trip and we reallly conncted and he said so too, and i didnt see him for 2 weeks because he said hes planning another trip with me, i met his closest friends already, but i saw that he was active within the last days , and i think we might get intimate sometime soon but i dont want to give it my all and then be left alone and used,im really quite confused. as such, some of the comments (which i have preserved) bring up points that i have since addressed in this revision. but i strongly suggest that you go with “hey, i really, really like you and dating you is making me really happy and hopeful,” vs. we’ve never talked about taking down our profiles, but i took mine down and he hid his. have both been under a lot of pressure and stress this past year and i haven’t had the guts to bring it up. his answer was “one of my friends wanted to see new pics of my weight loss”? the other day i did have to make a little remark where i said, you know…i know you arent in this for the long hall, (i only said this because when he told me he loved me, he also said…”this doesnt mean i necessarily feel i want to spent the rest of my life with you…wtf? he has not only changed his profile picture, he has added a picture from our trip, a picture that i took of him. however i did manage to see that he was “online now. my guy and i were only seeing where things were going and he hadn’t logged in the website we met for a month already, but he had other profiles i knew about, i noticed he wasn’t logging into them either, but one night out of nowhere i decided to make a search for him on a totally different website, and lo and behold, there he was, he had created a brand new profile, a very well done profile at that. i’d say that long of “exclusive” dating should be long enough for someone to know if they’re ready for that step. to me, he sounds like a guy who can’t admit when he’s found a good thing and wants to keep his options open…but this sort of thing is only going to make his life (and yours) more difficult. if a man still keeps his profile up after becoming intimate with you he’s hedging his bets. i expected to see the original profile from when we first meet but this one was different and his profile picture was a picture of him and his daughter that we took after we moved in and decided to take family portraits to hang around the house. and if he doesn’t want to get more serious, the fact that there are seventy billion people posting pictures of themselves online won’t be the reason. said ok, that i would hang in there, but i asked him to please be straight up with me the second he doesn’t feel like this will go anywhere and he promised he would. that none of those scenarios have anything to do with whether he has been logging onto an online dating site for any purpose. hours from where i live, so we knew that dating each other wouldn’t be that easy, but we also said to each other that we would make it work. he claims that he needed time to himself, to get back to “personal responsibilities”, that he wasn’t happy with his life, financial problems etc. however, i know has has a dating profile because a few weeks after we started dating my friend who uses the site told me she saw a profile for him. i just immensely like him, and i haven’t felt this way about anyone., i find really annoying is when he informs me that he is not cheating on me but why is he still on the dating site. love it sasha…although i’m sorry you had to go through this. not that you can’t find success, but often this approach mentally “locks” us into continuing to pursue a relationship even when it isn’t that great (and there are lots of other reasons to date multiple people in my mind, but i’ll not go over all that again here). took 6 months to tell me he loved me, but still has his profile up even tho its hidden…and i just grew on him like a comfortable old shoe…lol. we’ve never defined anything but really have let the relationship unfold, however why would he lie about this when he never needed to? are you ok that you may hurt both of you because opportunities come easier and in catalogue style online?” so i admitted what i had done, he got mad that i didn’t trust him, and i got mad that he was still on there. if talking it out doesn’t make things better for you or you find they’re still using the site then it’s probably best to end things. six weeks ago i met a guy from an online dating site. each time i saw/found out my guy went online after going out with me for a while i felt sick, duped, confused about where i stand, no longer confident about how he felt about me or what i thought the relationship was, suddently totally insecure and worst of all foolish…. i saw that his profile was still up, which was a bummer since he said he would take it down and he hadn’t. i find this truth out many many months after dating when she kept walking up into his house and always there when i came over.) last night i went on (my profile is hidden) and his profile is active for everyone to see. in the browser history i was looking to see if he had been viewing porn websites when i noticed a dating website there. i told him i was hesitant to live together as that felt very committed and serious, and i didn’t actually know for sure what his intentions were with me. know it is difficult to address this issue but i do worry that if you don’t, in the long run your daughter could be hurt more, not less. his excuse was he did not have a computer, only his phone to access, and there is no way to deactivate from a mobile device. i have checked simply out of curiosity and really to keep myself from getting to attached at this point. he always tells me that he has a great time with me and i’m his favorite person, but that he never dated much when he was younger and thinks he owes it to himself to date around now. we hit it off and are still seeing each other. my profile was still up i did message him while he was online and made a little joke about him being there one day and his response was that when people make the effort they at least deserve a polite ‘no thank you’…but that’s been a month ago. if he’s not going to commit, this is a risk for you and i’d see talking to other men as a valid approach since you can’t know what he’s going to do down the line. we have never had a talk about exclusivity, so this is all fair game. – i think it’s likely that he’ll find another excuse, but you can explain to him how to hide his profile: log into match then click profile then settings and then set the profile to hidden. i deactivated my profile thinking maybe its cos i’ve been browsing too much that led him to reactive his profile, but i know i’m just making excuses for his behaviour. he replied jokingly asking if i stalk him haha and that he didn’t know why because he turned off his roaming of data to not have a cost explosion. i asked my friends boyfriends/husbands (some of whom met my friends online and some who are or have dated online in the past) they all confirmed clearly that if the guy dosn’t remove his profile voluntarily following the moment when it is obvious you are both moving towards proper committment (and not even ‘by the time’ you have committed to exclusivity verbally) then it is clear he is not entirely certain about you or he is not entirely ready to committ to a relationship. recently, another woman is doing the same thing on his facebook and it makes me wonder if he’s doing the same thing to me yet again., i shut down my profile a week after meeting him. i now realise that i never actually asked outright for any of them to take down their profile to be with me exclusively. questions to you are these, one thing that sort of bothers me is that we are exclusive, however he only hid his profile. i still had my profile up and so did he. so i can see how the boys would struggle to manage that and think that continuing conversations online harmless… it is an enormous confidence booster, flattering to receive attention and the thrill of first dates really good fun. i recently signed up under a fake profile and tried to wink and favor him. completely agree that if someone is still checking dating sites after committing to someone then they are leaving options open,stroking their ego,or seeing you as for now person. he said his data on his phone wouldn’t work (i think he meant he didn’t want to risk paying for the roaming), but he would text me whenever he would get a chance. we had the exclusive talk, and we both agreed to not see anyone else – but we aren’t exactly “official” yet because of the uncertainty of his job (he’s at risk of being sent overseas for a minimum of 2 years). you’re just seeing what he’s doing online and that information is freely available to the world. then, one day, out of the blue i decided to see if he was still using the dating site and he was online and chatting with girls. he told me about 2 months in that he deleted his account.’ll explain why i bring that up in a moment, but at any rate i agree with you that checking his dating profile seems out of step with having an exclusive relationship with you…. but, last weekend over in the same friends house she told me that his profile is still there., it is possible that he just likes getting emails to stroke his ego and isn’t looking for a relationship. is the thing… when we met online, he stated that he wanted long term, his “last best friend “, or something along those lines. about three months into dating, i knew i was starting to fall in love with him and i was bothered that his profile was still active, he would be on at least every other day. i said that he really should think about changing that if his goal is simply to date around. me, if a month goes by after you’ve expressed your concerns and he is still refusing to remove his profile then setting ultimatums seems more reasonable.