My teenage daughter is dating an older man
'm not really sure how you should approach this, but i think there are a lot of other comments here that will send you in the right direction. then i remember that what really matters is that children are born into an abundance of love — and that's one thing our home hasn't lacked since we moved in together just a few weeks after our first date. gold[–]ditrastevere 19 points20 points21 points 1 year ago (0 children)you really can't do anything about her dating this guy, unfortunately. i dated a 32 year old when i was 19 and while back then i wasn't crazy about him being so much older i didn't think it was a big deal. gold[–]oncesometimestwice 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago (2 children)unfortunately there aren't solid statistics on that subject, and i agree that my opinion might be colored by the sheer volume of abusive age-related relationships here, but i've also seen and been victimized by an older man so i'm very sensitive about this topic. that are removed by the automoderator that are missing information submitted for approval will not be considered unless you use the link explaining what was wrong with the post. gold[–]raptorrage 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)i like this. i feel more safe and secure with someone more stable and i know that stems from childhood issues. if you've been teaching your kid that not having friends makes her "strong", no wonder she is so messed up. we aren't sure what is going to happen in the future, but we are sure that life together is our kind of perfect. those are devastating things to be handling, which is why she was so ripe for this guy. this way she'll know she has your support if, god forbid, something goes wrong in this relationship. -issues of actual cheating on you that you have evidence for. gold[–]feckinghound -4 points-3 points-2 points 1 year ago (1 child)because older men have usually been married or women their age have been married and have kids. make it clear if he's serious about your daughter he will not pull her away from her family. i couldn't imagine dating someone that young because it's too much of a difference. it's so important to live your own life and not let the older partner set the timeline. you should also ask her to do whatever she can to improve her education and skills, because she is 100% reliant on her partner and if he left her or died right now then she would be left with no prospects whatever. best you can do is let her know that you door is always open and to keep your relationship with her as healthy as possible. after she has been volunteering for a while, talk to her about going back to school so she might start getting paid for doing something she is already interested in. gold[–]frogacuda -2 points-1 points0 points 1 year ago (0 children)the main thing here is to keep an eye out for manipulative and abusive behavior. that woman taught me so much about life, love and relationships. i had never dated an older man nor did i ever imagine i would (although i did always find harrison ford more attractive than chace crawford, so maybe it has been inside me all along). even though he's an idiot in a million ways, he does love her, and if anybody dominates their marriage, it's my sister, not him.
My daughter is dating an older man
with the hold he has on her, the last thing you want is to make him your enemy. that's why it would be important to remain totally impartial to him and not judge straight off the bat just because of his age. that way, if there are issues, she can go to you. don't know if this is the right sub to post this, but I need help for my daughter. but you can't say 100% of those cases involved an older man abusing a young girl. make it clear if he's serious about your daughter he will not pull her away from her family. secondly, if you do pass the cost of insurance alone is just absolutely insane for new drivers, which can make it not worth it.[–]smudgyblurs 8 points9 points10 points 1 year ago (2 children)this is like the creeper version of that dumb "marine proves atheist professor wrong" chain letter that conservatives like to pass around. gold[–]skyepark 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)yes i agree, be her friend and help become strong and independent with new horizons, she may then see him for what he is but ultimately let her make that decision. the more i read here, the more that it seems like op tiptoed around her daughter rather than forcing her to do things she didn't want to do, like get birth control, go to therapy, go to tutoring, have her assessed for learning disabilities, and so on. driving is a big one - if she doesn't know how to drive, this guy can have a lot more control over her. the man, as much as i was interested in him, made it clear one day that he thought of me as nothing more than a nice teenager (by asking what i "want to do when i grow up"-- which at the time was absolutely brutal for me, and totally rocked my "i'm a responsible adult and people view me as one"- attitude. all you can do for now is plant those small seeds of doubt. no traumatic accident or anything, just afraid i wouldn't be able to control this massive hunk of metal moving at ridiculous speeds..) i'm seeing nothing in your post that provides evidence that he's manipulative scum. gold[–]carmenellie 3 points4 points5 points 1 year ago (0 children)i thought about this, and you could be right. being around younger people can be a regression to times missed if they were married early for example or escapism from their responsibilities. if you make the appointment for yourself too (on a different day), you're normalizing it as a regular part of life for an adult woman. she has all these things she likes about this guy that make her feel good about herself and her relationship, and you're going to come along to tell her that no, all these things that you thought were good -- they're actually bad. gold[–]the_invisible_wombat 3 points4 points5 points 1 year ago (0 children)this is such bullshit! gold[–]klassikkiller 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)i second this, the power imbalance between a 34 year old rich guy and a depressed teen who has convinced herself she has no future is worrying. i said i wasn't bright which is a nice way of calling myself a dumbass. you know you can come to me with anything, and i'll listen, but i also know i'm your parent and you might find it easier to talk to someone who isn't your parent. i can say is to be sure to support her and welcome her back with open arms if she wants to.
My daughter  is dating an older guy !!! : relationships
but prepare yourself for the possibility that this guy might possibly be genuine. there an alternative school in town where she could finish her high school credits without having to go through the admitted humiliation of being pushed back a year in the high school she's been attending? you have two choices, you can either accept that man is in her life right now and rejoice with her or you can be shut out like my mom. all i had heard is that he has a nice car, a job, and a house, which many people at that age should have and it doesn't make them predators. support your daughter getting a ged and a driver's license. but tim is young at heart and i have an old soul, so we meet in the middle (i'm now 26; he is 52). but none of them have met my parents because i don't want them to disapprove. importantly, abuse, bigotry, misogyny, misandry, racism, homophobia, gendered slurs, agendas and encouraging violence are not tolerated in our community and will result in a ban. one example: i had meningitis, and i needed someone to take me to the hospital. we've been aware of the missing credit problems, she just couldn't catch up..) maybe he is a sugar daddy trying to take advantage of an impressionable young woman, but even if that is the case, it's her mistake to make. not having any friends is one of the biggest issues i see with the situation now. gold[–]papergeek 50 points51 points52 points 1 year ago (0 children)i don't know if this is the case, but i was terrified of driving when i was sixteen and didn't trust myself to be able to drive. as long as she is living in your house her education needs to be priority one. according to the law, she's a full grown woman who knows exactly what she's doing. driving is huge, i didn't drive for like 2 years because of an eye problem. talk to her about what to look for, as in red flags that she's being taken advantage of like if he's controlling, manipulative, etc. i'd back off discussing the relationship with her for now and ask her to go to therapy together. use an excuse about if she's on your medical insurance she needs to do it per the policy since she isn't a student anymore. gold[–]groknikthegreat 2 points3 points4 points 1 year ago (0 children)i'm 26 and at this point i'm just holding out for driverless cars! gold[–]the_invisible_wombat -1 points0 points1 point 1 year ago (2 children)in my experience, kids with these kind of problems usually have horrible parents., praise and motivate her efforts to improve, even little steps. if he is serious about your daughter he can act like a serious boyfriend. gold[–]oncesometimestwice 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago (6 children)while that relationship seems like it was developed, op certainly colors her daughter's relationship as seeming very very predatory.
Dear Jess: How should I deal with my teen dating an older man? but you can't say 100% of those cases involved an older man abusing a young girl. the more vocal you are against this guy, the bigger the rift you make between the two of you. at times there was a discrepancy in maturity but we always talked things out. just watch out for her, because while i have nothing against age gaps generally, this situation is fishy and creepy as hell. all you can do is help her achieve the milestones she's missed. gold[–]scrubzork 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (0 children)this must be tough. right now, we are exactly where we are supposed to be in this world — next to each other — and that is where we are going to stay. gold[–]raptorrage 15 points16 points17 points 1 year ago (0 children)bad news is, it's really easy to talk an 18 year old into not using a condom when they're in loooove and you guys are gonna get married soon anyways. gold[–]devil5advocate 10 points11 points12 points 1 year ago (2 children)whilst this is sensible advice, but whether or not she is on birth control is not up to op and the possibility exists that she doesn't want to be in birth control given her "ambition" of being a sahm. i'd like to emphasize, op: always be supportive of your daughter. the above advice is solid because it allows you to: 1) guide her in gaining back her self-confidence, and 2) set an example of a nurturing and compassionate family. this shithead has sway and influence because she doesn't have much the tools to make her own way.'m also wondering if she's struggled with depression, anxiety, and self-worth issues. trying to force her to break up with him now is unfortunately likely to only give him reason to make her even more isolated and vulnerable. i'm not saying it always works out, but in this case there is a chance that the guy is actually interested in her as a person. gold[–]loyaultemelie 2 points3 points4 points 1 year ago (0 children)yes to all of this." make it 100% clear that you will always be there for her, even if that means tolerating this guy for as long as it takes for her to dump him. agree though, it would be impossible to prevent her from dating him and if op goes full blown on him it's only going to push them together. because if it makes me uncomfortable then clearly youre a child who can't make decisions for themselves. can you get her to see a therapist who can help her even further? and the alien logo are registered trademarks of reddit inc. when his daughters' friends see pictures of me and tim, his daughters feel the need to explain, "yes, that's his girlfriend; yes, she is really young. she is dating a guy almost twice her age, she is an adult. realistically, i don't know what she wants to do for work, but if she started thinking about things she wants to do and things she wants to know, it'd be a start.
What It's Really Like to Date a Guy Who's Old Enough to Be Your Dad
I'm Dating A Man 19 Years Older Than Me | Relationship Talk
gold[–]yuudachi 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)you cannot force her out of her relationship, but i would put great emphasis on being able to take care of herself and finishing her education. still, we're both smart enough to know that being madly in love with each other isn't enough.[–]jpallan 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)it's odd, i have a daughter the same age who was also in danger of not graduating, though it got straightened out at the beginning of senior year. gold[–]galbsadi 27 points28 points29 points 1 year ago (0 children)^ pretty much this. gold[–]nhavar 2 points3 points4 points 1 year ago (1 child)i said something very similar to yours (don't oppose the relationship, do work on her issues) and got downvoted because i didn't want to jump right into the guy being the problem. while yes, it certainly would be a good idea for her to be on birth control, that is not up to op to decide. she's over 18 and is probably going to live with her boyfriend. i know it's a one on a million chance, but i know from personal experience that there is the possibility of that older person opening the door to a lot of opportunities, personal and professional., all you have to do is ask "do you want to have a baby in the next two years? another example: someone with a very frail old dog is going out of town and needs someone particularly understanding to help out, and i am doing that for this person because we are. man should be jailed,I like the way you think that people should be jailed when they haven't committed any crime. my daughter has been dating this older man for 4 months. that is at the root of all of this - the relationship is just a symptom. · 47 comments my [25m] fiance's [24f] mom wants to heavily subsidize engagement ring55 · 82 comments is it worth confronting my friends about no-showing at my wedding? encourage her to finish her highschool degree or ged, help her get into a community college, teach her to drive, help her find part time jobs, and help her get on birth control. think i would have actually killed myself if i had tried to finish that 5th year of high school. out of those five, only three have cars and iirc only two of those cars work (the other was a lemon and is in disrepair more often than it's usable). gold[–]110069 -1 points0 points1 point 1 year ago (0 children)dating an older man is a lot better than other kids her age. last time i did we had this big fight and i know she's gonna bring it up again if i do. the money situation at home is alright, can you and her go away for a weekend and relax somewhere at a spa? you have to kind of hold back on that, because your daughter currently feels that he is her one way out. which, realistically, makes her a teenaged girl, but to a pathological level, possibly? other kids will just say, "yeah, i can't ever get this" and stop paying any attention whatsoever. then you'll have a solid foundation for tackling the root cause of why she's with that man and whether the relationship is viable or healthy.
I Thought Dating An Older Guy Was Cool — Until I Sensed That
she needs friends to depend on, talk to, and confide in, and hopefully the right type of friends will also help her realize that her boyfriend is creepy. any time mods may remove or refer posts to other subs as we deem appropriate, and our decisions are final. i think counseling can help you get on track after your school issues and job loss. i didn't have friends to visit, no gf and my job was a 25 minute bike ride. issues -internal problems and behaviors that cause you problems in relationships. are more serious problems than the age of the guy she's dating.'m positive she's not using any of that because we don't usually have any in the house, she doesn't know anyone who can buy them for her as she is not of age yet. and hopefully, as she gets older, she'll realize just how creepy this man is being. i was 17/18 i moved across the country by myself after graduating from high school, and there was an older gentleman (in his 30s) who worked at a business close to my job. get his information so that he can be an active participant in helping your daughter learn to drive and get a job. she never was particularly happy with it in the past, but in the last couple of years, she's been a lot more open with her therapists. leave discussions about the older man and her future plans alone until you've dealt with your own pasts together. gold[–]mokti 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (1 child)there's a hell of a difference between going on a bender and dating an older man. i am in my mid 30s and dating a woman in her early 20s and she's very much an equal partner and it's the healthiest relationship i've had. gold[–]snakeoil-huckster 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (0 children)i disagree. version of this story was published as "would you date a much older or much younger man? it addresses all the issues, and gives the creepy bf a chance not to be a creep. if she really is head over heels, there is probably not a lot you can do other that keep lines of communication open and be ready to help her out if things go south. gold[–]raptorrage 13 points14 points15 points 1 year ago (1 child)yeah, but pursuing a younger person whose life is in shambles is predatory as fuck. anything you do now in the negative would probably just push her deeper into his arms. i'm effectively saying that whatever you believe privately there is nothing you can or should do to interfere. gold[–]madameironmouse 18 points19 points20 points 1 year ago (4 children)a ged would help her accomplish something, and, if anything, it's typically easier than actual high school. also understand this is r/relationships and he'll probably turn out to be an asshole at best and abusive at worst, but that's what the other precautions are for.[–]throwingandhoping -5 points-4 points-3 points 1 year ago (9 children)i find this kind of offensive.
What You Must Know Before Dating an Older Man | PairedLife
daughter, who is your daughter's age, has had lots of mental health struggles, and yes, she mostly fought me for a long time on mental health treatment, but it was okay eventually. devil5advocate said :You can support your daughter by saying that you don't agree with her choice, but you won't make waves about it, and telling her if it does work out you'll be happy for her, and if it doesn't she can always come back to you. gold[–]maxi_takes_a_taxi[s] 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (1 child)i was just listing the reasons i think he's preying on her., there's no better way to damage the affection of a young girl for an older guy than by chatting comfortably with him about lame old guy stuff and marking him as one of your peers, rather than hers. shes 18 and shes just all crazy on hormones dating this older dude. he'll either scoff at the idea of helping you with a masculine project, which will greatly decrease his greatness in the eyes of your daughter, or he will end up helping you and you might even learn a bit of respect for this man as he proves that he has character beyond just banging a young girl. gold[–]lhagler -1 points0 points1 point 1 year ago* (0 children)she's a legal adult, so you really can't stop her from seeing him, as creepy as he patently is to you and to most people on here. nothing would have stopped me from seeing him because i was in "love" but i appreciated the friends and family that let me make my own mistakes and supported me anyway. gold[–]maxi_takes_a_taxi[s] 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (1 child)what experience is that? all abusers are older men, but enough older men are abusers, is essentially my argument. gold[–]madameironmouse 14 points15 points16 points 1 year ago (0 children)to an extent, there is. my boyfriend is sexy (think: jason statham), and he has had years to master his skills. i think you can tell her that whilst her results are disappointing, she's never going to be a disappointment to you." tim later confessed he thought i was beautiful and smart, but there was one thing working against me: i was 21; he was 47, and unlike most men who'd be flattered by a younger woman showing interest in them, he thought going on a date with a woman young enough to be his daughter would be ridiculous. then ask her if she would be willing to keep going alone to the therapist. gold[–]tigris474 3 points4 points5 points 1 year ago (1 child)i was your daughter when i was 17. gold[–]throwingandhoping -3 points-2 points-1 points 1 year ago (0 children)i think you're making sweeping assumptions with little information and using a few mentally available examples to justify doing so, that to me is kinda the definition of prejudice.'ve no idea the intentions of this boyfriend so we shouldn't make assumptions about his character. what you can do is make him look like less of an attractive option by helping her have other options.· 40 comments my boyfriend [26m] called the cops on a party i [25f] threw for a friend, tried to deny it, then called me childish for getting mad. gold[–]internationaldilema 2 points3 points4 points 1 year ago (0 children)all i can say, it this clearly seems like the issue is she can't value herself. gold[–]like_it_spooky 53 points54 points55 points 1 year ago (0 children)can you get her to see a therapist as well?, but i'm letting my experiences color my feelings for this guy. i think many people don't drive because firstly - here it is really expensive to even learn to drive.
What to Do If Your Teen Is Dating an Older Guy - Raising Teens
it's tough (ironically, i am dealing with something similar with my mother right now, though dad and i are in it together thankfully), but even if you don't see results or change right off, your support and love is likely helping her more than you know. find that in most cases (though not all) any person who is in their 30s (thus lives in a world where most counterparts are getting married, have a house, beginning to think of retirement savings, have kids) does not have anything in common with a high schooler. gold[–]spacehooker 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)you need to empower your daughter any way you can. you can tell your daughter that without attacking her relationship, which she will definitely get defensive over. if he is serious about your daughter he can act like a serious boyfriend. there's enough abuse stories out there to show it is always a dick picking on isolated people. i mean, one of the other problems is that some personalities, when they realize that they studied really hard and still got a c- on an exam, will buckle down all the more intently to prove that they can get it, dammit. · 85 comments i (21f) snooped through my sister's (11f) phone101 · 24 comments i [24f] moved in with my boyfriend [25m], i don't want his sister [19f] letting herself in unannounced or hanging out when i'm at home studying alone anymore. age is just a number why don't they date older women? we often interacted when he'd come to my job or i'd go to his job, and over time i ended up with a massive crush on him. i just feel like it's creepy to be a grown man dating a teenager. gold[–]yaychristy 21 points22 points23 points 1 year ago (0 children)you need to step up asap and take charge in parental duties that were needed years ago. he still struggles with my age, and thinks one morning i'll wake up and wonder what i am doing with an old man. and unfortunately self-esteem issues are rarely cured with "be more confident in yourself". he is a narcissist and drained every last ounce of self esteem i had left out of me. point has to do with the generalization that all or even most older people who get into relationships with younger partners are immediately manipulative predators, which i think is not only an unreasonable assumption but an offensive one. you can share with her stories about times you failed, were dissapointed in yourself and depressed and talk about how you were able to pick yourself up. gold[–]thumb_of_justice 6 points7 points8 points 1 year ago (0 children)there's a lot wrong with this picture. he's using the power imbalance that comes with him being a reasonably rich, older guy, and she is a depressed 18 year-old who four months ago assumed she had no future. but the sheer amount of older ppl preying on younger in r/relationships is astounding.!You have not helped your daughter by babying her and giving in and just letting her give up every time she gets upset. it seems like a good deal if it's this or mcdonald's hopping for jobs. gold[–]klassikkiller 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago* (0 children)the best thing to do is boost her self-esteem. gold[–]throwingandhoping 2 points3 points4 points 1 year ago* (0 children)i wouldn't disagree with that at all and i think it's an important point that only further highlights mine.
How do we handle our daughter dating a man almost twice her age
he's older and that's creepy but that doesn't mean he gets to shirk out of family dinners, parties, and holidays. i'm a man, when i was 18 i got into a relationship with a woman in her early thirties. getting her on the right track to finishing high school, a new part-time job, and a drivers license will put her in the path of peers and potentially new friends. anything that is relevant to your current relationship that you want to discuss. would suggest that you two go to counseling together as mother and daughter and work out any unresolved issues there. appreciate that because the advice is still reasonable even if people dislike my opinion on the other stuff. i am ruthlessly opportunistic, and so it may be more about what i take advantage of than the intentions of the people i've been with. gold[–]the_invisible_wombat 2 points3 points4 points 1 year ago (0 children)there are a few emotional abusers in my family and their children tend to either be easy victims for abusers/predators or become abusers themselves. are more serious problems than the age of the guy she's dating. i'm not saying it's 100% of older men, and confirmation bias does cloud my judgement, but enough of them exist to disgust me permanently. being a sahm is fine, but you should do everything possible to improve yourself in case it doesn't work out. i think the best thing you can do here is try to be supportive, even though you don't agree with the relationship. i find older men more attractive, more knowledgeable, and better in bed although that probably isn't comforting. gold[–]welcometoraisins 3 points4 points5 points 1 year ago (2 children)my niece is a senior and just got her license. a few years above what many states in the us consider the age of consent.[–]brawlingsoap 123 points124 points125 points 1 year ago (14 children)this is the best advice. the fact is is that most older guys are looking for young targets for abuse. gold[–]catfishedomg 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago (1 child)you can also look at alternative high schools, there are some public schools with online classes and modules that help students catch up on credits. yeah, basically i think it'd be best for you to support your daughter and not push her away in her relationship with this man, but attempt to get to know him in order to help keep your daughter safe. reality is that i come from a regular suburban family. maybe you could contact the local community college and have an advisor or professor there talk to her about possible career paths related to that subject. main reason a lot of people i know (and myself) don't drive is that they moved away for uni to a city where cars were basically useless (too expensive to park, everything is in walking distance) so learning to drive and paying for a car wasn't really worth it. many of my friends and even my brother have put off getting their license for months. get his information so that he can be an active participant in helping your daughter learn to drive and get a job.
Génesis Rodríguez Opens Up About Being El Puma's Daughter and
/r/relationships is a subreddit for asking specific questions about any aspect related to your relationship.[–]ragnarockette 397 points398 points399 points 1 year ago (38 children)a lot of girls go through this phase. he flashed his lavish car, career, house, and lifestyle to a young girl who lost her will to live, and she was like putty in his hands. we both believe in marriage, and we want that when the time is right. she's been failing for 3 years, i doubt if she is using (which i also doubt) it's not the reason she's failing. it might mean the guy is a predator, but it might also mean nothing. thing to keep in mind when approaching this is that she's with him because he makes her feel good about herself. gold[–]carmenellie 69 points70 points71 points 1 year ago (21 children)i love this post. i mean just thinking about that statement right away makes me wonder how you value your daughter. assure her that you won't get in the way of what she wants, but raise your concerns. the good news is that they're using condoms and they keep them at our house. gold[–]lexicanluthor -3 points-2 points-1 points 1 year ago (0 children)op seems a little on edge and cautious in general, which is typical of mothers. it sounds like there's some heavy self-esteem issues here too, and that could be something her predator of a "boyfriend" is using to his advantage. sub is about helping people in need - if you are not providing such help (i. if she won't go then you go alone so the doctor/psychologist can give you tips on how to tackle her depression. tim had never dated a younger woman before me — he was married for 18 years to a woman his age and divorced for five years before our paths even crossed. i told my mom about him, and about how he was 30, but "30 isn't really that old! felt the same way when my younger sister started dating a guy a decade older than me. if the assumptions you made here were applied to her you'd be very wrong and foolish, and frankly offensive. clearly there are deeper things at play than just this relationship with a man. gold[–]moderatorabused 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (0 children)the more you fight against this boyfriend, the more she will cling to him. pick up the september 2015 issue on newsstands or click here to subscribe to the digital edition! yes, there are times that i go out for chinese food with my daughters (the age gap between me and my elder daughter is actually shorter than rory's and lorelai's) and we watch movies and we talk about everything under the sun, but there's also plenty of time that consists of, "i'm not going to let you do what you want to do" and door slamming and histrionic weeping. · 95 comments i [m/23] have tried breaking up with my girlfriend of 3 years [f/21] but she won’t leave my house and act as if everything is fine.
My daughter is dating an older man
Why Millennial Women Want to Date Older Men
don't frame it like you think she's crazy; just tell her that she's facing a tough transitional point in her life and she could use as many people as possible on her team while she navigates it. if she wants to be a housewife, skills in the areas of child care, nursing assistant's training, and so on are absolutely a thing she'd find valuable, and anything that she learns will only help her become a bit more employable in the long run. law is not on my side with this one how can i protect my daughter from this creep? you go after problem b (the boyfriend) by first tackling problem a (the daughter's depression and loss of faith in her future). but op's daughter is going to remain a lot more vulnerable to him if she doesn't see any other potential paths in life that don't end in failure, and op is not in a position to go after the relationship directly; at least, not if she wants a continued good relationship with her daughter and to ensure that her daughter has a safe place to turn when the relationship with mr. mean, my so is nowhere near op's daughter's state of vulnerability in life (i know better than to argue here that she's not vulnerable to me, but with me out of the picture she is successful and make her own plans for life,) but how do you measure vulnerability? this man is encouraging her to rely on him for everything. respect her, even when you disagree strongly with her choices. gold[–]mankeybutt21 17 points18 points19 points 1 year ago (0 children)no, it does not. i think u/megapony was saying the age gap was disgusting. if she wanted to commit suicide, it's her mistake to make and i should shut up and let her do it. i think you're projecting your own point of view onto this situation a bit too deeply. gold[–]brawlingsoap 4 points5 points6 points 1 year ago (2 children)yeah it is a tough conversation. the three failures in chemistry, i'm understanding a bit better why she is so discouraged about her academic progress. she is going to resist that like nothing else -- she's going to see this as you trying to take away the biggest source of happiness in her life. gold[–]thumb_of_justice 20 points21 points22 points 1 year ago (0 children)i was just about to write this. we're both driven and goal-oriented (he's a former navy seal turned entrepreneur, and i am a safety specialist for a company that manufactures gear motors). she's in this relationship with a guy who makes her feel like she's not a failure, makes her feel like she's better than her peers ("you're not like other girls your age, you're so much smarter/cuter/better"), and has a lot more to offer (financially) than other guys her age. for fucks sake, make sure she is on birth control. this sounds grim, but she should be able to get away if need be. gold[–]workdawg 2 points3 points4 points 1 year ago (0 children)if you tell her that she can't/shouldn't/etc date this guy, you are only going to push her away. he is an abuser the last thing op wants is her relationship with her daughter ruined, where she's isolated and has no where to go if things go bad. gold[–]flamburghur 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)now that you mention this, i must have internalized my own mother bitching about how she was the taxi for all her friends. and let her make her mistakes because you can't treat her like a child and protect her from life.
My Teen Daughter is Dating an Older Guy | ThriftyFun
a therapist is sometimes just there just to bounce thoughts and ideas off of, someone who has really no bias. change a ton in their 20's so hopefully she will learn a lot before having kids with this guy. gold[–]zombielunch 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)i think she clinging to this guy because it is the one thing she feels like it is right in her life and from the way you are talking you believe it to.'s probably a lot out there on the internet that can help drive the point home that such a power imbalance is often the start of an abusive relationship. My daughter has been dating this older man for 4 months. gold[+]ghebert001 comment score below threshold-9 points-8 points-7 points 1 year ago (0 children)consenting adults man. agree that she is being taken advantage of, but with her being 18, not much one can do. gold[+]cagedb1rd comment score below threshold-17 points-16 points-15 points 1 year ago (2 children)as a young woman who dates older men (think 18 to 34 and then 19 to 38) it might be a security thing. sure that she knows that you only want what's best for her and you are just concerned because the age gap is very abnormal. he's older and that's creepy but that doesn't mean he gets to shirk out of family dinners, parties, and holidays. do offer to help her find a good therapist, and fund it if you can. i just think it's important to keep her perspective in mind when you approach this. gold[–]silverraven1189 17 points18 points19 points 1 year ago (0 children)right now what your daughter needs is support, and she's getting it from this older man. his kids are grown, and he doesn't know if he could start all over. gold[–]requiem4meme 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)a bit of different advice: i agree with several other comments in that having a job, learning to drive and finishing school are some pretty large topics here that, if addressed, could help her to realize what is actually going on in her relationship on her own. counseling so that you two can work on any relationship issues you have together which should simultaneously give her more tools for communication and identifying negative relationship traits (i. despite all the love, we've been called every name in the book: i must be a gold digger and have daddy issues. 27 more »1290 · 633 comments boyfriend [32m] is getting increasingly selfish in bed. i would not try to make it just about age (even when it partly is). i understand stating they should go to jail is not logical nor economical. if she didn't have enough credits to graduate and it's a surprise to her, that's not something that happens out of the blue. please report comments that you feel are in violation of these guidelines to keep discussions constructive.[–]kumesana -2 points-1 points0 points 1 year ago (2 children)not downvoting you, but essentially you wish i was in jail despite having listened to all of my sweetheart's and all of the rules' desires, so. she's been crying since she found out and refuses to finish high school.
Is This Petty? The Guy I'm Interested In Has A Daughter My Age if op voices anything beyond mild concern to her daughter, she runs the very real risk of making her daughter cling to the boyfriend all the more tightly. gold[–]maxi_takes_a_taxi[s] 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (3 children)does it involve chemistry? also, if she thinks running off with a 34-year-old is a bright idea, it also seems quite likely that she isn't getting a lot of acceptance from her peers, because this is not the normal "we're so in looove" thing that you normally get from teenagers. i know this, because a million years ago, i was your daughter. gold[–]stanleytoby 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)i would suggest you try to be supportive and ask to meet him and his family. was a very troubled 19 year old girl that was also wooed by a 34 year old man. it's possible, but unless you have specific proof of that, focus on your daughter and how to be supportive of her. gold[–]mowln 3 points4 points5 points 1 year ago (0 children)i hate to say but aslong as she doesn't dislike her relationship as you do, nothing will change. if he's bad for her, all you can do is be there to support her if/when she realizes her mistake.?Tl;dr; depressed daughter's boyfriend is taking advantage of her!) at her age, although she feels like a failure for a variety of reasons, she likely also feels that she is mature enough to make her own decisions and that she knows how to spot anything weird (but it's not "weird" for the older man to want to date an 18 year old in this case, because she's "mature for her age"). yes, i wish there were ways to stop this preying. and i am happy to report that being with an older man has made me feel like i hit the intimacy jackpot.[–]eltearpdx 1 point2 points3 points 1 year ago (2 children)actually this is probably more reflective of an absent, disconnected father figure. gold[–]tipsytops2 52 points53 points54 points 1 year ago (4 children)is she in therapy? how do i ask my boyfriend this without making it getting weird? ask her to go to mutual counceling between the two of you and a therapist first, express your concerns and use the therapist as a moderator. this is the first step in removing her from outside influences. at least if you get to know this guy, you'll have a better feel for what's going on.!Permalinkembedsavegive gold[–]rhapsodyy 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (0 children)as many others have said, i really recommend that you don't push your daughter away by forbidding her to date this man or calling him creepy or weird because this will definitely lead to her going to him for support (since she has no one else and negatively impact your relationship with your daughter. everything you've said about her is negative - you don't present any positive aspects about her or redeeming qualities to build off of. although the situation is slightly different because i was not actually dating him, i know myself well enough to know that if she had outright condemned the "relationship" i would have pushed on even further in my attempt (in typical teenage, "parents just don't understand" fashion) because i felt that she couldn't tell me what to do, because i was an adult, not a little kid anymore. i was adamant to everyone that it wasn't weird if we were to date, because i was mature, and an adult who could make my own decisions. iud insertion is very uncomfortable but 5 years of relative peace of mind is worth it.
Why you ALWAYS regret falling for an older man: By PETRONELLA what on earth would a man that age want with an 18 year old besides sex? other thing is that you may need to let her make her decisions and fail. the only exceptions are posts that were removed by actual humans for missing information. additionally, it makes me respect the man so much more for not being a massive creep and dating an 18/19 year old. daughter doesn't have any friends, not even people's he can talk to and she didn't graduate like she was supposed to because she was missing credits. she has social anxiety which is why she doesn't have friends and it causes self worth issues. if you can get her to a better place mentally she'll probably be better able to see this guy for the predator he is. gold[–]feckinghound -4 points-3 points-2 points 1 year ago (3 children)stats please or is that anecdotal evidence you're using? gold[–]hagemeyp 5 points6 points7 points 1 year ago (0 children)the quickest way to drive her into his arms (and out of your life forever), is to forbid her to see him or tell her outright you disapprove. he might even be trying to get her to finish school and learn to drive but her emotional issues are getting the better of her. i also agree that you should offer that she is never a disappointment to you and that you will always accept her back into your life.)submitted 1 year ago by maxi_takes_a_taxii don't know if this is the right sub to post this, but i need help for my daughter. gold[–]maxi_takes_a_taxi[s] 0 points1 point2 points 1 year ago (6 children)i've tried encouraging her, but she said she didn't wanna finnish if she couldn't finish on time. casting him as the villain and her as incapable only promotes distance between you and your daughter and if he is manipulating her, gives him ammunition in that manipulation. i wonder if that is pervasive in her life and she feels like she can never live up to your picture of what she should be so she doesn't try. so as long as he is treating her right, then there isn't anything horrible going on. gold[+]nhavar comment score below threshold-21 points-20 points-19 points 1 year ago (2 children)do you have real reasons, other than the man's age, to ascribe malice to his actions? relationships, personal issues, dating, crushes, exes, breakups, infidelity and any aspect of relationships ask a relationship question /r/relationships/. gold[–]tac1122 13 points14 points15 points 1 year ago (0 children)while there are occasionally age gap relationships that work, i share your concerns and i think it's overwhelmingly likely that the relationship is (or will become) exploitative of your daughter. i'm a hardcore optimist who will always give someone the benefit of the doubt until they prove me wrong. it could be that op's daughter is not only cute but funny and intelligent as well. frankly i do t at all think age is the determining factor in how healthy a relationship is, if one partner is a manipulative fucl head then that's the problem, not the age difference. gold[–]devil5advocate 538 points539 points540 points 1 year ago* (22 children)you can support your daughter by saying that you don't agree with her choice, but you won't make waves about it, and telling her if it does work out you'll be happy for her, and if it doesn't she can always come back to you. she needs an older friend who can offer her constructive guidance, and reassure her that messing up is ok.