We are dating but he's still online
he texted me later & said the following: are you ok?!I feel as i am really, truly falling in love with him despite that. i once heard a comedian say, the reason people marry another is because subconsciouly they think ” she/he is the best i can do for where i am in my life or for my leage” when i heard it, it was a funny but it definitely has some truth to it. after a while i replied & said that my friend had told me she’s seeing him. you are old and wise enough to read the tos and have basic respect. thing about the advice above is that someone women will want to start this process immediately after the first date. it wasn’t just becuase of him but out of 8 guys i met everyone lied aobut martial status & job among having 10 year old pictures up. i am going to do what i want because he is surely doing what he wants. he remains curious and i increasingly uncertain of where i stand. i want – i deserve – as much respect as i give! after we had sex i asked him about a lot of things.. and then back to the sex thing he thinks he was going to get some from me but i told him not till “the break is over and the sites are deleted” (this is all texting btw) and he goes “you’re demanding stuff because you said were not going to have sex till i delete match”…ummm duh… i said yes and i have a good point to, that don’t you think? both commander logic and her awesome husband went on dates with other people after they first met and liked each other. he’s opened up to me about lots of deep emotional things. is now day 3 i havent heard from him at all today. so i know he is not in it for the sex. maybe i just answered my own question and it’s just hard to let go of something that seems to great. i called match to make sure i did not falsely accuse him of being online if he was not. have read that many complaints from match is the status option is flawed and can be triggered from simply receiving and deleting a email from match in your personal account. we have fun when we’re together but i just don’t know if i should trust him. i also feel really guilty for the snooping online i can’t believe i have resorted to this i’m ashamed 🙁. i was already assuming we had broken up so i was surprised. do you have any advice about how to start it, things to avoid, or things to definitely bring up in this talk? i was shocked and sad about it, of course, especially since we just had spent a great weekend together but only met twice so far. finding out the basement roommate and he actually did have an intimate relationship after swearing up and down since july that he never touched her was the final straw of many in the red flags and numerous chances to be honest. went through this with my now ex bf i met in july 2011 from match. if he wants to get more serious, then the fact that there are seventy billion people posting pictures of themselves online isn’t going to matter.’s tricky to suggest an amount of time set in stone for when you should expect things to move forward as every relationship is different.?It saddens me to read all these stories becuase i am on the same exact boat as most of you. but i was extremely bothered by it, it didn’t sit well with me at all. i mean i just met the guy, who am i to say that he cant. i think you should (once again) talk to him about making girlfriend/boyfriend official? that none of those scenarios have anything to do with whether he has been logging onto an online dating site for any purpose. there is no shame in publicly searching as a guest when he has or she has already lied or had been interested in emails and winks from people on there once exclusive. it’s awkward now because i don’t really want to confess and say that i created a “fake” profile because of my own insecurities. have been on 5 dates with a guy who i met online, i really like him & feel like we have a good connection, but he has not yet mentioned exclusivity & deleting our profiles. also, speaking as someone who doesn’t like talking on the phone all that much, i think avoiding phone calls in itself probably isn’t a red flag if he actively communicates with you in other ways. off, let me say that this guy’s “reason” for keeping his profile online makes absolutely no sense to me. i am not asking for a commitment or exclusivity but when he knows how much it’s hurting me why is he not turning it off? i slightly said some of my concerns today (coming off as joking) and he lied and said he hasn’t been online since the time of our date to take his profile down. my problem is when i date i can only focus on 1 guy and 1 guy only. he once said to me that he loves sex with me but that a relationship shouldn’t be based on sex. have read your story and the fact that he is a picses has nothing to do with it. my feelings for him were getting so deep and i wanted to be his gf. i had a dinner date that evening & due to some sudden dramas it didn’t go ahead – i came home & realised i couldn’t find my mobile. – if the two of you are using words like “love” and “monogamous”, i think it was totally acceptable for you to bring the topic up. you decided to meet and on your first date things go great. i’m having doubts if he’s still interested but i view his page anonymously and he hasn’t been active for 2 weeks and also removed his pictures. and this was the first time in my life that i had actually dated a variety of men at the same time., i’m not familiar with tagged but it doesn’t sound good. i never had the impression that he just wanted sex, since he didn’t exactly initiate it, it just happened while cuddling on the sofa, watching a movie together. i have checked simply out of curiosity and really to keep myself from getting to attached at this point. are tricky conversations and can be difficult to work your way into. part of me thinks it just his response to getting caught but i’m really in no place to judge him. i can be rather forthright in these matters – the usual sympton of having been hurt terribly in the past and made a fool of etc. you do not know after a month of seeing someone if you would like to eliminate the rest to give her a fair shake, recognize that there is something that is not resonating for you and the best course of action is to be direct and tell her. so looks like he pulled one over on me and is still online. i was completely honest with him that i had looked him up, and he told me that he ex-wife took his old computer after they split up and that’s the computer he had used to sign up. lied to me when he told me he had not said ‘i love you’ to anyone since his ex-wife. we both want a faithful and loyal partner, and since his last girlfriend cheated on him constantly while he was deployed to iraq (3 times), he said he really doesn’t have time for games. 5: you’re on an app that lets you change your status. no shame in protecting your biggest investment: your self esteem and right to know who you are in bed with…. finally i asked him if he has talked to anyone on the site, and that’s when he got really angry that i don’t trust him. i told him i wasn’t the kind of person looking for a casual relationship and he confirmed he was also looking for a long-term relationship. we were very intense the first month seeing each other all the time and every weekend. one thing you shouldn’t do is verbally attack the guy or start throwing out ultimatums. he said we are not dating but we couldn’t establish any status quo. then today he calls me like nothing’s wrong and when he could tell i was uneasy talking to him he made a big fuss and said ‘well i can tell you’re in a bad mood so bye.. i guess cos he doesnt want to be too attached? and how on earth do you even start that kind of convo without sending guy running for the hills? how many girls he’d been with sexually and not: not many, and if he was dating anyone else: no, and if he was what i like to call a serial dater, dating many at once. shares so much about himself with meso why is he pushing me away like this. don’t try to force these important conversations even though every bone in your body may want you to talk to him about it as soon as possible. we slept with each other again, and we also hit it off in that department too 😉 so everything was really awesome and i just thought “i hope it’s not too good to be true! tbh, i think we were both so shocked at how well we got on, how much we had in common and how much we were laughing.! such a great gift for valentines day 🙁 if he does try to sweet talk me in the future what should i do? this might provide him time to come around while at the same time giving yourself a chance to find someone who’s looking for the same thing you’re looking for. to me this makes it feel as if hes expecting us to fail or something.) last night i went on (my profile is hidden) and his profile is active for everyone to see. a few weeks later we broke up for 5 days i activated my profile and gave a guy my number. we definitely argued a bit and i told him to go on a date, if he liked the girl, we were done (obviously). i do think the exclusive conversation could be very tough before you meet, but if you find you keep worrying about it and you think you’re at a place where he’d be open to it, i’d bring that conversation up. im not sure what site i met him on or if he is even on a dating site now. between monday and thursday i noticed he was logging in. then this past month the texting died down a lot. if we are “exclusive” (without titles that express commitment), than why the need to continue prospecting? the person you’re dating reveals that they still have an active online dating profile, we’ve outlined seven different scenarios that will likely come up. however, if you go another month without any change, i think you might want to keep your options a bit more open as well (and be sure to let her know this in a gentle way as she’s going to be sensitive to feeling like she’s being lied to). how can a man give me a stupid meaningless ring and tell me he can’t to get married to me etc and then do something wreckless? any insecurities i had were short lived – he has proved to me through his actions that i can trust him. he’s military, so his schedule is pretty screwy, but since my work schedule is easily manipulated, he proposed that i get it to match it as closely to his as possible so we have the same days off. my friend asked if i check to see if he had gotten on his profile, so i did, and that sunday night he had been on., i thought i was the only one in this situation. yes first time i get an invitation to his place. i guess my question is, if it’s almost been a year and his feelings haven’t changed since we first started seeing each other and he’s still going on dating websites, should i even try to thinkta he would someday want a relationship? he is affectionate and kind, all the traits i was looking for. you were a bit persistent while i guess i didn’t help matters! i also think if she didn’t respond the way i wanted i might put my profile back up. well…i don’t think it’s a *good* thing that he’s still logging in. he not only read the email but he also viewed my profile. that in mind i wanted to review one of the recent emails i’ve received from a reader and offer some additional advice for this problem. he’s only been kind, open and considerate towards me so i’m worried it means i’m not enough relationship material for him. do not trust online dating anymore too many bad experiences and too many shady characters. i feel like i’m just there and he is still looking for something better and it makes me feel bad. it’s like things just continue to get better and better every day. i i mean gee, is it really necessary to say that after you just told me you loved me? the “let’s be exclusive” conversation hasn’t happened, i would recommend you start to slowly but intentionally determine if he feels your relationship is headed in that direction. i wouldn’t want to be with someone who treated me the way he’s treated you and because of that, i do think you should start looking to date someone else. i think that’s a great book but it will only help if you take what you learn about each other and apply it. i noticed that he was not his normal self around me. its a similar situation to the above scenarios – he really has his act together and has made it very clear that he is sure that he wants me in his life (so he doesn’t say anything like “i’m not sure” or “i can’t commit”). i suppose if she’s just dating you casually, it may be less stressful to think that you might be cheating on her. out of the blue, i got a curiosity about the profile situation. i replied no worries, but that i trust that he wouldn’t play games with me because that would be unnecessary. my sister looked on her computer from he account as she is on there, too. or he could tell me that he isn’t ready for a serious relationship. before i proceed let me give you a bit of a background i had broken up with my ex 2 days before xmas since he had been mia for 2 months which drove me insane. of the last couple of weeks ive had this nagging suspicious feeling and i couldn’t put my finger on it. i stopped answering and next time i saw him i asked him if he was still on the site and he answered and said: “yes im still on there and actually last week someone messaged me on there, and i’m pretty sure it was you. he denied it, said that he’d been telling any interested parties that he was involved with someone (me) – and that he’d look into taking down the profile.! as a man could you tell me if a man can go from friendship to serious relationship? he came all the way here (drove 40 minutes in practically a blizzard), and his birthday was three days ago so i made him a cute blanket. dave – you might try sending her here to see that others have dealt with the problem. anyways, we still met up and spoke very very regularly over the next 6 months. so this was just the tactic he needed to reel me in hook line and sinker! said, if you’ve only been dating for 4 or 5 weeks, i think i’d recommend you just be patient for a while longer. on the other-hand, if everything is fine and he’s just been busy you’ve done no harm and might even kick-start things again. anyhow she clearly knew about me, and was very threatened by me. he goes to this site and changes his status without thinking about his profile text and logs out. i want to pull back from him and stop seeing him, but it’s so hard to do when you like someone. we met online mid june and became sexua lly active early august. we’ve already entered the hairy business of talking about our past failed relationships, our family, our habits etc. you brad we had a talk and it turns out he doesnt go on it and didn’t realise he had left it, he didnt think it was an issue. six weeks isn’t too early to have a conversation about commitment. to hear but this is how it should go if you expect to be trusted. i admitted to snooping through his phone, and laid out everything i had found and discovered. i don’t wanna pressure him, as i want him to make the choice on his own, but it’s still so annoying that he lied, twice actually. i asked him to back off and please take it slower. i now realise that i never actually asked outright for any of them to take down their profile to be with me exclusively. am just so scarred to bring my feelings or the site thing up……. since i see he’s on, i browse my matches but very rarely wink at anyone and don’t message people back (in all honesty, i kind of got sick of online dating and had just tried it because it seemed novel until that feeling wore off).’ve been seeing this guy a little over 3 months now. i still had my profile up and so did he. his job is stressful right now, but in my mind, if you like someone a minute or two to send a quick hello is not a big deal. have the same story as above, i started dating this guy a month ago. may be hiding something…although it may not be that he’s looking to date other women. i just want to share another way of looking at it…so maybe you need to change but maybe not. that said, she is regularly active on match and i’m a bit concerned putting myself out there with her she may not be ready more given the whole cheating matter she had to deal with. reflects well on him, or his self-esteem, or the way that he feels about your relationship. because down the line he will either want to get more serious with you or he won’t, and you two will need to work that out based on a conversation with each other and your feelings. we were out for 10+ hours and he was telling me he hasn’t been out in a while or on a real date in almost 5 years.
What to Do When Your Boyfriend is Still Online Dating
have been dating this guy i met on okcupid for a few months now. i told him i was hesitant to live together as that felt very committed and serious, and i didn’t actually know for sure what his intentions were with me. so i texted him jokingly that then whatsapp must be messing with me, because it says he was last online last night around 9pm.) i just started seeing someone really great and want to see where that goes, but if it doesn’t work out, yeah, let’s get a drink sometime! i don’t advise a feelingsdump, but definitely communicate calmly if something is really bothering you. when searching for profiles, my profile said i had been active within 5 days. in the cases where his profile is still up, i would expect that another month after bringing up your concerns is all it should take for him to decide (and it really should be much faster than this). at the end of the day, you can’t really make someone be with you if they don’t really want to be with you. he then said, “maybe i am looking for a committed relationship and i just haven’t found the person to have that with yet. and i don’t feel like i wanna see others either. i know he’s been feeling unwell & low lately and my sister doesn’t help the cause. he has continually helped me out, he surprises me with gifts along the way. he even had me add a tracking device on my phone so i can see exactly where he is at all times. do you care and need to open a wink or email once you are exclusive? cut him some slack on this one, because if you haven’t had ‘the relationship talk’ and made things official and exclusive yet, then he might just be covering all his options in case you don’t feel the same way he does. started talking to a girl for around 2 weeks, we met on a dating website and have been talking daily. it sounds as if you’re reading too much into everything, and that there really aren’t any legit red flags. i asked him if we are exclusive and he said yes. i want to give him the benefit of the doubt but the miles between us and the unknown are really bring out the jealousness in me and i don’t like it. guess my queston is why does it seem like we are playing house with no real commitment? he then texted me and said he too tired was but i saw he was on his match account. feel like many women want the commitment/respect to happen naturally and i understand that desire. anyone who has done online dating seriously will confirm that there always seems to be people lurking on the edges, folks who are up for a chat but not for a meeting. six months later and we now live together, he was new to the city i live in and hes been having trouble finding a job. i still think that’s a fine thing to do but more recently i’ve found myself encouraging women to be a bit more pro-active or aggressive (whereas changing your photo is rather passive-aggressive). wud like to add we are both the same age and same religion but from differentt cultures origionally (they are similar). explain how much you enjoyed spending time with her but given how infrequently you are seeing each other and given the fact that she’s still looking online, you feel like you should keep your options open. we had an amazing day on tuesday from start to finish. i got another funny feeling one day, agian while waiting for his text. monday i texted him and we texted the whole day. he even offered to show me the “fake” account he was using to help his friend. everything is great so far, we go out for dinner, watched movies, sometimes just stay in his apartment and ordered pizza and cuddle on the couch and watched a movie. i know you care for him and i know that it hurts, i’m just afraid that he’s establishing a pattern where he’s showing that he’s going to continue to hurt you throughout your relationship. we both want to get married, so this site and our culture is the norm for that.” (he doesn’t want me to read them, so i don’t ask anymore). i asked him about going to the movie again and never heard anything back. is it too late to salvage anything…or was there anything to salvage? so i told him we should try not to bring it up again and that since he’s a mature person i’ll leave it on him. both have 3 children, although his dont live with him and are a bit older than mine. she later said she would do the same and we took off the auto-renewal but we both never bothered to hide our profiles. i was thrilled 🙂 but then, he was charged with another 6 month subscription – despite the fact that he had cancelled. he even used it last night, and i just dont know what to do about it. i took some time to reflect and by the end of the week i realized how much i missed him. in the meanwhile, you might still get those email alerts when a new match has arrived. so i don’t think it’s impossible that the man you are dating is not actually using the site with intent to meet someone, so much as to flirt or assess his worth on the dating market.. i think it’s all because of the recent stuff with my brother…. them out to get some insight into what’s normal online dating behavior, and what’s definitely not ok. if he really cares about you, being open and honest like this shouldn’t bother him. at least some of the guys will admit they’re keeping their profile online updated or keeping their options open. if we are “monogamous” should we even have these sites up? but he did cancel on an invitation to join me at my friend’s farewell on sunday. and that’s most often how the “real” world works: the days of grade school where we are forced to ask someone to “go steady” are behind us. however, i have been a little freaked out by this talk before, which is why i dread having to start it. are going along great, he talks about the future alot, i mean making plans and things like that but he still calls me his “friend”. you can learn more about his personal experience using online dating and running this website here. there will come a point that you will need to draw a line and make ultimatums but i’m not convinced one month into the relationship is that time (especially if you think you’ve found a great guy). and while it might feel like a good way to figure out what he’s secretly thinking about you, the captain pointed out the multitude of ways in which it is a ridiculously bad measure of that. i am trying my hardest not to bring this up again, but the recent picture really has me thrown for a loop. plenty of guys will lie and lie and lie when caught. he says wow u look jus like my friend, are you her! how am i supposed to trust him when he makes empty promises? he wants to keep talking to other women, which could eventually end your relationship, but in the mean time he wasn’t to continue with you. thing is in the begining he was referring to our future hopefully it would lead toi marriage and refferred me as his wife, love etc. week two came and i found that while i was waiting for him to respond to a text i sent (45mins) he was on the dating website from his phone. so anyway, i message him and he message me back. he asked me to be his girlfriend shortly after we got the apartment. jackie – as with the other situations, i can’t say exactly why he would keep his profile up. we were seeing each other multiple days a week, but enjoying every bit of it. i was chatting/emailing a guy for about a month, we met and seemed to get along really well. i was also free of expending energy on “keeping my options open. just don’t do so in a confrontational way: just let him know you care about him and you need to know where the two of you stand. i met a guy on plenty of fish in june. at this point in time it is not wise to promise exclusivity to any man without a proposal. ive broght it to his attention so i hope it is removed soon. it seems to me that many people want to be open to long distance relationships but then when they get in one, they decided to keep their options open for something closer. i don’t know if you would necessarily want to “let it go” but at the same time if he’s keeping his options open you might want to do the same (including staying active online). his parents are apparently reaaaaaaaally keen on this idea and so are hers.!2 days ago i checked to see if he had taken his pof profile down (along with another one i had found several months ago – sexsearch dating site). i told him i talked to another man on the phone. situation is very similar to what had been described in a few of the comments earlier. still he kept his profile up as “single” so i did too. 6 months into the relationship, i told him i needed a break – that seeing him searching for the next best thing (as i saw it) was hurting me. but after three years of giving my heart to him i feel that i deserve more than that, i feel that he is being disrespectful and dishonest if he is spending all this time with me and saying he loves me, we are even doing 5 love languages together to help our relationship. when she let’s me know, i can normally respond in a way that makes her happier! he did & told me his dad’s very ill – he seemed so upset.! i just found out today he has another profile on pof i want to date other men but now i feel stuck…. i asked him if the text was for me & told him to call me.’ve been talking with a man i met on a dating site for a couple of months now. he had asked me to meet his mom a few months ago, but we had to cancel and it has yet to happen. i confronted him about it, we broke up, and then he came crawling back to me 2 weeks later and deleted his okcupid profile. he said that he finds me very pretty and hot. in the morning things were as usual great – he asked for my advice about some property & financial matters & we talked about everything under the sun. he wants to spend all of his free time with me and i feel that due to the fact that hes new to the city that’s mainly because he doesn’t know a lot of ppl. i am sorry i know it is painful to hear . i even told him i had to get his confirmation because i have trust issues with previous guys cheating on me. we lived together over a year later and then he one day just moved out. so how on earth can it be acceptable to do it online! only, only way i could see him logging onto a dating site affecting your relationship with him is if you let it get in your head and then bring it up with him and then he thinks “yikes, why is she monitoring my online activity and acting like i owe her an explanation for it after a few dates? i only work 5-6 hour days, and then i was back to staying at my place but we were still constantly seeing each other. and knowing that he’s still browsing, i feel reluctant and fear i know the answer already. very sad to see all the comments on here about the hardships that everyone is experiencing. said, i’d be careful to really be sure that he owns that profile. you’ve decided to get a clearer idea of where your relationship stands, i recommend trying to start conversations as naturally as possible over a 2 to 4 week period. it feels so much like a relationship and that he is warminig to the idea, but we havent discussed it cos we cant due to his parents and their plans for him. it’s difficult because i have a daughter from a previous relationship and he wasn’t too sure about that, but was attracted to me. he really loves you and agrees you are exclusive, the profile needs to come down. a couple of weeks went by and he still hadn’t taken it down. after almost 4 months, i was really falling for him, and had stopped dating other guys after month 3. i just don’t want to him to like someone more than me. and lets just say that because i went out for a girls night instead of hangin with him, that he responded to this other woman. i know that’s easier said than done but if you do end up dating him again just be very cautious…sounds to me like he would have cheated on you if he would have had the chance. i didn’t ask him if he was going to delete his, i assumed that of course he would. i’ve planned to take her to do painting of an ocean area with an artist and then a picnic. his title on the site is “just looking” but his goal is to “fall in love”…., often we correspond with and casually date a few people at the same time. after spending the last 5 months with him, i’m decided that i made the right choice. he told me that i really hurt him and that it will take some time to repair the hurt. i checked the messages tonight and it said he was online now so i messaged him with hi how are you, he didn’t respond. well he blew up and i blew him off for three days till he finally manipulated me back into seeing him through constant texting. these actions tel me that he likes me and is trying to have a serious relationship with me. it sounds like this guy decided to start looking again but wasn’t going to tell you. – if i understand correctly, you’re saying that if he doesn’t decide to take his profile down in 6 weeks then you’ll not talk with him about it and just end things? he pointed out to me the other day that he has a hard time showing affection and was asking why i stayed with him. the subject is in your email subject line and says: so and so sent you an email. dating apps and sites give you the option to change your relationship status from single to married to everything in between. had a lot of first and second dates with online dating that just fizzled out. after i posted my previous concerns, my man and i went out to dinner and after that i asked him how he feel about us being exclusive and he hugged me and was silent for a minute then he said yes. he will be turning 30 soon and i am 6 years younger. i think it’s reasonable for you to be concerned based on what you’ve found and i think it’s reasonable for you to let him know that. we had been together for 4 months at that point so it really hurt. that aside we normally go out at least once a month or every other month. he said that he wants to continue dating me and that he wants to work on things. what makes it harder when you find someone with lots of potential is to bottle everything up and read too deeply into everything, and second guess how something good could be happening to you. he says if you can keep your options open, why can’t i’ and i’ve told him several times i don’t want to keep my options open. made a point to let me know that there was no way anyone could decide in two or three dates that the person they’re interested in was a bust – so, it certainly looks like he has done just that. the online dating profile is tellng me that he is still keeping his options open just incase. the dating expert goes on to say that while there is constant temptation to always be trading up, “the whole point of dating – for most of us, anyway – is to find one person that makes you want to quit altogether. his response actually makes me wonder if he even realizes that he could hide his profile. he asked me to come to his area next time and i just nodded. he told me the thing’s he told my fake profile weren’t true – ‘i was obviously trying to pick her up – would i tell her i am seeing or sleeping with someone? this doesn’t make leaving his profile up is right…but it could mean that he is committed to you even though he is taking an action that suggests otherwise (so don’t lose all hope! was pretty angry at my outburst……that friday i wrote him, apologizing for acting instantly rather than sitting with my feelings and just blowing up on him. he keeps saying he just gotten out of a relationship & do is not ready. i was kind of shocked – as i was never part of this ‘game plan’ discussion, in fact he had not discussed anything further with me about living together! sum it all up: i would expect that within the first month of actively dating each other that you should have an idea of where you stand and i would expect his profile to be down.“the only, only way i could see him logging onto a dating site affecting your relationship with him is if you let it get in your head and then bring it up with him and then he thinks “yikes, why is she monitoring my online activity and acting like i owe her an explanation for it after a few dates? i tried so hard to understand and get to know him. a couple of weeks ago, i think it sank in with me how fast we were moving and i asked him for some time for me to think. i never gave the guy a chance to make any changes. if i couldn’t get that, i would move on (easy for me to say, i know). we had a look and he has changed his profile to looking for women for friends.
#229: You must chill (online dating edition). | Captain Awkward
we had the exclusive talk, and we both agreed to not see anyone else – but we aren’t exactly “official” yet because of the uncertainty of his job (he’s at risk of being sent overseas for a minimum of 2 years). to repeat the same thing, just wanted to see if you could help me a little. i don’t know of anybody who would let someone follow their every move, so it must be heading towards something serious… what do you think? things had been going wonderfully, we spent a lot of time together, almost every other day, and texting/phone conversations every day. – that’s its okay to continue chatting and even dating online while dating and building a relationship with one of us. yesterday morning i checked again and it said ‘online now’ to say i felt sick was an understatement but i didn’t want to go wading in and accuse him when i didn’t know the story. i can honestly say it was incredible for us both 🙂. dating is not always what it seems, especially when the boyfriend you met online still browses through dating profiles like email and Facebook. exactly the same thing happened to me with them – and at the time i tried contacting them, but i was ignored. i was getting really tired so we called it a night. he told me that he would like us to be in a relationship, but because we were approaching his busiest time of the year at work, that he would like to wait until things calmed down a bit…he said 2 of his serious relationships ended over it in the past. everything has been going well and for the first time in a long time i feel like i’m getting attached. on friday (13 jan) he tells me that he was going to his mates place for dinner so if i’d like to join. i brought up the online thing & he said he was emailing 2 girls – ‘nothing interesting’. i checked, and again i was right on the money (i should have read this blog before so i did not do what i did again) i called him out, this time he flat out lied and got verbally abusive. i also told him that we agreed to be exclusive and that having an active profile tells other women that he is still single and it is disrespectful and unacceptable to me. of course, you should only do this if you could be comfortable with it. is there a way for me to bring this up that will not result in the “relationship” talk? during those 6+ years, i focused on raising my two sons, building my career, healing and finding myself and my own happiness.” and that will probably not be the effect you want it to have. am surprised to hear so many experiences similar to mine. all that doesn’t work, i’d say at some point you should just say: “so-and-so, i really enjoy spending my time with you but i worry we might be looking at our relationship differently. or how would he like it if the situation was reversed? how do i let what would normally be a wonderful relationship (if it were not for his dating profile) progress, or how do i let it go? my ‘dating’ experience had been extremely limited, despite being married and divorced twice. i don’t want any distractions as i am getting to know him. he said things to me like “you have a lot of stress in your life, and it’s stressing me out etc. we have never had a talk about exclusivity, so this is all fair game. if you feel horrible as you’re doing it, then just stop. don’t beat him up and don’t jump to ultimatums. the fact that he changed his profile means that he still uses the site. he asked me if he should take his profile down? but i never made it past 2 months with anyone because each and every time the guy would continue with an active profile i would feel disrespected, lose trust and belief in the guy’s intentions and force a swift ending one way or another. you other questions on if his story is true or if he was using you for sex…i really have no idea. how he loves what we have but that he doesn’t think he can give me what im looking for at the time. it never occurred to me that i could, that it was an option. he says he really likes me and is into me and still getting to know me. i ended communication with all other guys, hid my profile and gave this guy my full attention because that’s the kind of woman i am. an extra tricky thing here is the kind of research that it’s taken you to reveal this activity. it’s just that the sent messages show when that user has been online). it is concerning that he would trying to chat with other women where you met though. well after we had sex and all he is still interested cause we went out again and i told him i had my period and he didn’t care. one month down the line he stopped refferring to out future, except he will only speak to me current situation and only refers me as gf. 3 weeks of talking he came to visit me for the weekend, and there was no nervous or uncomfortable feeling between us, just really had an amazing time. its been a month since we spoke/saw each other. he has not only changed his profile picture, he has added a picture from our trip, a picture that i took of him. he then said that he was going out at that time. thus, on occasion i sense her guard is up a bit.! he’s computer illiterate, but i don’t buy that he can’t figure out how to hide or delete. i’m so confused, but over thisyear our conversations and time spent together hs allowed my heart to grow. i then said: ” i am the other girl” the look on his face was priceless especially when he realised that all of the stuff he had written (and there was pages and pages of very intimate stuff) was all sent to me. i’m just trying to have a clear perspective on this. if you’re wondering what you should do or how should you feel when the person you’re dating reveals that they still have an active online dating profile, we’ve outlined seven different scenarios that will likely come up. lol but then proceeded to tell me that i “grew on him”. i don’g want to pushtowards anything, because i feel as thoughhe will if he wants to…but am i wasting my heart on someone whois using me as plan b or using me as a passing fancy? to play devils advocate: let’s imagine he totally forgot about this profile. i mean he seems like a decent guy and all but i guess i’m just worried. that being said, i believe a month of spending time together is a good general time frame to expect some concrete definition to your relationship, especially when you’re going out of your way to interact with each other every day. this whole situation sounds to me like him trying to have his cake and eat it too. my thoughts are… this guy i am talking to and “having fun” with i will continue to do just that and will never tell him to take his profile down. but i think you’ll find it very empowering and i suspect you’ll be far less likely to put up with crap. we are both very well established and pleasing to the eye. no reaction from him but when we were talking about the weekend it was clear he had no dates. i think for now, you might want to hide your profile in the off chance that he’s keeping his profile up because he still sees yours is up. have for the most part what i tell my friends an “effortless relationship”. a month ago, i complained about his dating profile still being active. said he doesn’t talk to anyone else on the phone like hd can to me. start small and work your way up if you’re truly afraid you’ll come on too strong. even after all this thinking and reading: i still don’t understand entirely. so i would hope her relationship with him would encourage you to be more aggressive about understanding what he’s doing. so, i asked “why do you have the profile up when you know it bothers me this way?” we also did the “in a relationship” status on facebook. am not brad (obviously) but if you read my post, which is right before yours, you can see i was almost in the same situation. his facebook page and his relationship status says involved with another girl. i’m afraid that i’m starting to fall for him. he’s also a bit of a dipstick when it comes to computers (we’re both in our 50s and haven’t grown up with them, though i’m a lot more computer literate than he is) and given how i’ve seen him struggle with searches/purchases on ebay, i can appreciate that he might not be able to get his head round hiding a profile on a website so i haven’t cut and run. The first was when I was 20 and lasted seven months and the other was a on-and-off disaster that ended a few months ago. recently, another woman is doing the same thing on his facebook and it makes me wonder if he’s doing the same thing to me yet again. i took mine down right away and i just figured he always had his up. after about 6 weeks he freaked out and said he wanted to feel more “single” and that he wasn’t sure we were right for each other. he went bananas and said he was crazy about me. ive taken family vacations with him and his father so im thinking things are just fine. we haven’t gone on a real date yet because he lives in a different country than mine.? anyway we end the goodbye on some jokes and pull funny faces at each other as i drive off. now i know what you’re thinking, and no i am not going to show up and jump out of the bushes. there are going to be ups and down, good and bad – you just have to be willing to put forth the work. people change – but i don’t want to be a fool about this. time i finally felt angry that he couldn’t say to me ‘i am not sure about us’ – respect! said u were on there he replied with yea but he has 2 mutual friends. we both voluntarily took our profiles off about a month in, but we never really had the exclusive conversation. so, again, not defending him but i prefer his response over a lot of other responses i’ve seen. in my mind the matter is so simply about respect and i find it difficult to understand how to tolerate the ‘continues to actively online date’ thing…. i told him if he’s not that into me, then he’s more than welcome to leave. however, now that he’s made the commitment i think it makes the next steps easier. a text with a friend he hadn’t spoken to in a while, the buddy asked him if he had a girlfriend, and he responded ‘sort of..he said no, just that he is struggling at the moment. “if then it dosn’t work out boys – by all means go back online, chat and date all the people in the world that you desire! brad, do you think what we have now can get more serious – become exclusive and enter into a relationship? i still haven’t come across a problem like mine. it seems to have disappeared overnight and i feel lousy and worthless. he is a pisces too, and i tried to “read” him and so far so good. and i am not going to ask him about what he wants to do. i didn’t respond – later he texts me ‘i’ll come over’…and then again ‘i’ll come over’. and today when we were texting i said (in response to something), “i mean i like you enough to know that i don’t wanna see others.. i finally deleted my okcupid account because i didn’t have the energy/desire to continue talking to people there, but i was active on it throughout a couple relationships (with their knowledge, and the ones i met from okc kept their accounts open as well) because i had met awesome people that grew into friends from there (with non okc ways of getting in touch). few days ago she offerered to help her friend with her match profile. if a couple weeks from now, you’re still feeling anxious and unsure? thought no more of it, apart from a feeling that something was “off” – then i visited the website about a month later. if he’s introducing this way to some people but that way to other people, i think you have a right to know where you stand. then today i searched again and it said active in 3 days. as far as the deployed thing, he is getting deployed in a few months, and this is something i knew about not long after we met. have had a 5-6 really great dates, chemistry off the charts, met his daughter, spent a weekend with him. retain some reality, because being online is so surreal and the rules of engagement so different to real life that some surely find it unbalancing. i immediately drove over to his house, and asked him (not in an angry or confrontational way) if we wanted to date other people. not by his charm or anything, but by the effort he puts into being with me and everything. i know you make a case for not doing this in your comment but i worry that there is some risk in expecting a man to recognize:The moment when it is obvious you are both moving towards proper committment (and not even by the time’ you have committed to exclusivity verbally). he wanted to meet my girls while we were having after work drinks but i told him it’s not a good idea since it’s our girly ritual & we don’t get guys in there. so for the first time, i decided to do some checking, and did a search on his profile username.. she says shes only open to a convo but nothing more than that. every now and then, you come across the online dating profile of someone you know, but when that someone you know happens to be someone you’re supposed to be in a relationship with, you can’t help but start questioning the validity of that relationship. his status updating from:“interested in meeting women for dates”. i also took more time to look at his profile than i originally did the last time, and i noticed that at some point he uploaded a recent picture that he actually just posted to facebook back in april. just looking for a suggestion on how to handle this is all. jane – unfortunately, i’m not sure there’s much help to give here. in your case, he asked you to be his girlfriend…he needs to cut out the unnecessary continuation of online dating now. he told me he would try to meet me somewhere if he could get some stuff done for work and some family things, he told me to txt him in an hour or so and see where he was at with being finished., i find really annoying is when he informs me that he is not cheating on me but why is he still on the dating site. the next day, he disappeared and went totally dark on me. we act like a couple when we are in public and he loves pda. the funniest thing’s that i asked him directly if he was seeing anyone or sleeping with anyone & he denied both. i’ve met his parents and extended family and he has met my parents. strange thing is, while i deleted my profile from the site on which we’d met, he hadn’t and i assumed he’d just cease using it or hide his profile and not renew his subscription but, turns out he has a match membership discovered by my suspicious sister whose brought it to my attention. he’s said it takes him longer to commit to someone., we went camping last week and i noticed he was texting another girl while i was curled up next to him but i didnt say anything, i didnt really see what they were talking about it but it made me kinda concerned. he told me he’s ready to settle down but just got out of a near eengagement so needs time to process the break up. i tell him i am very busy through the week and can manage saturday. until the conversation happens, i would say it is fair for a guy to keep his profile up. he may have secretly been hoping for a commitment from you after having this conversation and when that didn’t happen he’s now not sure the relationship is going where he had hoped it would. few days ago she offerered to help her friend with her match profile. logic aside, i would ask any reader who has this issue the same thing i asked the woman who contacted me: are the two of you exclusive and have you both made it clear that you are only interested in dating each other? i in your situation, i would make it clear to whomever i was dating that absolute commitment was of the utmost importance to me. however there is one problem: his dating profile is still active. it definitely sounds like you’re exclusive so i would expect him to take it down. – i do like your friends advice to continue dating others. it’s almost like the allure that a casino has…you might win big but something make you want to stick around and try a little longer. we actually met up about a month ago and got along great and have a lot of fun together. each time i saw/found out my guy went online after going out with me for a while i felt sick, duped, confused about where i stand, no longer confident about how he felt about me or what i thought the relationship was, suddently totally insecure and worst of all foolish…. they’re both in the same college so and both haven’t returned to the site since that day. took 6 months to tell me he loved me, but still has his profile up even tho its hidden…and i just grew on him like a comfortable old shoe…lol. you discover that the guy you’re with still has his profile live and that he’s been active within the last few days, then it might be time to consider whether you’re investing more in the relationship than he is. cause unfortunately in my world if you like me, well that makes one of us.
Is the Person You're Seeing Still Actively Online Dating? not quite sure, or just putting it aside for the next one. i also think it’s reasonable to bring it up! am thinking of giving him a few weeks and see what happens but at the same time i am concerned as well and confused as to why his profile is still active and he often logs on. i have no shame in making sure after i had been lied to once to check again to be sure. then he’ll later mention ho he misses me of how we needto hsngout more. it’s one thing to say someone is the only one for you, it’s another thing to actually live that out. on monday he asked if he could see me on tuesday and i told him i wouldn’t mind but i wasn’t getting intimate since i didn’t like the idea of him flirting and dating other women. you don’t have to be aggressive when you talk with him about this but i would be direct and ask him straight out where you stand and explain the confusion he’s creating for you. i recently found that he had set up a profile on plenty of fish. i am a little upset so a few days i set up a fake profile with photos of another friend he has never met and messaged him. and now my feelings are starting to get hurt (typical girl). however i told him i am relationship girl & not at ease with this casual arrangement. i don’t want to tell him i know about the profile because even if he appologises and deletes it.! i contacted him after over 3 days & we started communicating but only as friends. there’s no doubt in my mind she is someone i want to date, be part of my life and take it from there and see where im this goes from there.’m gonna see how it goes over the next month, if he’s still going on then he doesn’t care about my feelings and i’d prefer to be someone’s one and only, not their until something better comes along! so far, so good – until we were both looking at something on his laptop, and a dating website came up as one of his most visited sites. that’s like saying, “the 0 i spent on my subscription is more important than what i have with you”. i am in the same boat and i wil be having a discussion with my so called guy about this asap. we met on a dating site and i knew when we started dating his profile was hidden ( i wanted to show my friends who he was but couldnt find it! it sounds like he’s assuming you’d continue to date other people because you spent the money even if you found someone you wanted to date exclusively and that makes no sense to me. we had an amazing connection and he made me his girlfriend about the second time we hung out., as with other situations discussed here, i think it’s totally reasonable to expect real commitment at a certain point and it sounds like you’ve reached that based on what you describe. they can be crazy about you and still want to screw the basement chick. it sucked because my friend offered to give me rides to his dorm but now that’s canceled. why mess it up with my own emotional hangups and insecurities? – it sounds to me like she’s keeping her options open and i’d recommend you do the same. the keep saying they will hav a good future together and will make them proud if they get married one day. now 5 weeks later i will be meeting his kids and going to a family gathering soon but he is still online. he’s not that into you if he’s still looking at other women online. a guy checking his dating profile isn’t always a sign that he’s unhappy and based on your agreement i guess it’s fine for him to do so. though now, mostly i do it to see if he’s on. he told me he’s not into the casual thing with other girls, i know he’s active on his dating profile. if you play to your curiosity expect to lose that person. similar story met a guy online 2 months ago we meet once a week on the. he know it bothered me the first day he “forgot his phone” so why would he keep doing it unless he was purposefully ignoring me possibly? i mean, when is the point where he would take his profile down? if you both choose each other, you can feel pretty confident about the choice. 10 minutes of weekly entertainment isn’t worth losing endless hours of entertainment from you,” he said. the 2nd day away, he sent me a pic of himself in a towel., as i’m getting this question more and more often, i’m hoping the details i’ve included here can help you reach the point where he realizes there is no reason for him to keep his profile active any longer. may (2014) he got an out of the blue text from his ex (fwb girl), saying he should come to a party she is having in june. have to add that he struck me to be honest and good from the very beginning, and he never gave me reason to not trust him.” so i disabled my profile and stopped logging into the site. – was he the one who sent the text or did he receive that text? if you really hit it off, i’d hope the car situation wouldn’t prevent a relationship from forming. relationships are unique things and you’ll need to decide when it is best in yours to start demanding more…but at some point he will need to commit or you will need to move on. could be she’s been waiting for you to bring it up. if you’re two months in and his profile is still up, it’s time to get your profile back up as well. i confronted him about and he said he was deleting it and,and i better start acting right. its been like 2months together and he is really great guy if i have to be honest and i do have my moments too in annoying him too. i have told my parents and he has claimed that he’s told his as well. there are some great guys using dating services but sometimes it takes having a good deal of patience to find them., in your response to cat, not all guys are like this. maybe once you know where he stands, it will make it easier for you to make a decision? at some point, if you continue to like seeing each other and wanting to see more of each other, one of you will use your words and express that you only want to see the other person, at which point the other person will hopefully say “me too! but he’s still so kind to me to help me in my time of need. curiousity always killed the cat and i checked to see if he was still active a couple weeks ago and he was. if he can’t answer where you stand after your first conversation don’t go and demand to know by such-and-such a date. situation is a little bit different, so i don’t know if it fits this category…i’ve been doing the online thing for just about 3 months now, and have met some nice and not so nice men. i don’t go to the gym to not work out.! week four, another i love you, and a few more fun filled evenings. i don’t write the others off by no means but just usually really like just 1. he even said never look a gift horse in the mouth’ and i asked who is the gift horse, you or me? so based on my observation i am assuming that he was checking his profile for a minute or two then logged out. he did and had no problem giving me his number! i understand his availability issues because of his work as a nurse, but i’m feeling this sadness and doubt inside me because it has already been almost a week since he last sent me a message. i think in many of the cases listed here, if the woman waited for the guy to make a commitment…well, it might never happen! – it sounds like the confusing areas in your relationship might go beyond just the dating profile. it might be that she simply hasn’t thought to delete her profile yet. he then when he was at mine told me he wanted to keep me satisfied so i didn’t go elsewhere!.he is such a great guy who i think is worth it. i just don’t know how to deal with the pain. met him through an online dating site six months ago. after that we never said another word about it and have been hanging out like nothing happened.” he said he doesn’t like being told what to do. that text he sent to me by mistake screams that messing up with me bothers him. after a relationship shouldn’t he spend time with himself instead of taking girls for a ride? there were a lot of other things said, and over the course of numerous conversations. gaining my trust, after my past, is not an easy task and he has managed to do it. still, these are areas you will need him to define. am so confused…i felt the connection…how can he now say there’s no spark., sometimes people have their settings turned on so they get an email every time someone messages them. but, i suddenly asked him about his still online in online dating or not? since then, he seems to put more efforts into our dates, but we don’t see each other as often as before. i just started working full time and could not show enough income on paper to get another apartment that fast. i get that idea and if he were actively looking to meet new people i could even agree…but if he’s only logging in to respond to new emails why not remove the profile so all those women don’t have to “work hard” in the first place? forward to today……the last month and a half, we have been spending a lot more time together…. don’t attack him about it – show genuine curiosity and i hope he’ll realize that even if he thinks it’s not a big deal that his profile should come down/be hidden. the important point was that my partner knew about my membership of the site throughout. he said he could ask me the same thing and that i had blown up his phone all day until it died., online dating is still new and it changes all the time. it is hard for me to see him everyday cause of my busy schedule and i always work on weekends. after everything this guy has done for me…i just don’t get it…commitment issues? this means no going against his grain or his rules. i’ve stopped responding to these emails from the fake profile. focus on how he treats you when you’re together, and whether he stays in touch in between dates, and how you feel about him. i kept refreshing the search everyday i don’t know why and then last friday morning i was shocked when i saw that not only had he been online but he had uploaded his picture. comment, “i wish my brain would just stop” reminds me of advice my dad gave me when i was growing up: often the best way to get over someone is to find a new someone. 2nd day i texted him at 830 am and asked him what was going on. he said it all has actually caused him to love me even more and strengthen his commitment to me, which he acknowledges might sound strange, but that is the affect it had for him. i was able to get a hold of his phone last week and saw that he had the dating site application on it. he tells me for the first time that he loves me, i say it back to him for the first time as well, because i know it’s true, but i was never going to say it first. i was able to see his messages and as of today it shows that he had logged in and there were messages from women in which he had responded to just a couple of hours earlier before i came home. after 2 months he asked me to be his girlfriend – actually an old college friend of his we met on the street asked if i was his gf and then a few mins later i told him that i did not want to continue to see him unofficially so he asked me to be his girlfriend and said he’d tried to ask many times but was too shy. after all, you don’t want to jinx the relationship before it even has a chance to start. on last friday he said in case i was out late to let him know., if you really want the person you’re with to delete his dating profile and he refuses, then it’s time to reconsidering whether he’s the type of person you want to have a real relationship with. deleted my profile about 2 weeks after we had started being boyfriend and girlfriend. – i’m guessing here but if i were going to tell a woman i was dating that i had taken down my profile, it would normally be because i would be hinting to her that i want to date each other exclusively. i confronted him about it and told him how much it confused me and hurt me, since i thought we were still good, and that he wanted things to work out. this might help clear up confusions, and other people will see that his profile is there more as a placeholder than an active advertisement. she later said she would do the same and we took off the auto-renewal but we both never bothered to hide our profiles. he is super attentive when we are together, has introduced me to all of his friends who have warmly accepted me into their circle as one of their own. since i feel that really good advice would require me to understand the relationship on some personal level, i can’t tell you exactly how to approach the situation. he will however be stood up by the imaginary women, then the following day, i will tell him that i am no longer interested in seeing him. the only interaction i have had with match is when i open to delete the wink/emails sent to my personal yahoo account. he said the only reason he was on it was to try to figure out why they took out of his account. many times she ‘broke up’ with him via text, and then would come over later that day and have sex with him.’m still very interested to hear your thoughts and advice. i dont know…is that something that can even work? i have only been seeing this guy for three weeks. along with many of my personal friends have reiterated your story to me through tears and hugs. i told him at the end, “i’ll get home and delete my profile :p” he goes, “so will i ren :)” so that night when he got home, we texted for about an hour and he told me what a great time he had and that he can’t wait til i’m in the same college as him so we can always be together. doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t express your feelings. met this guy online and we exchanged numbers and texted each other 2x a week for a month. he didn’t get mad at me all, even for snooping. no wonder so many lose faith in the online dating venue. i had a longer night than him but i wasn’t going to pull back. the first was when i was 20 and lasted seven months and the other was a on-and-off disaster that ended a few months ago., this guy may not even be thinking about his profile and might be totally confused if you disappeared. if that is the case, how long to you tolerate such lack of respect for you, for the investment you are making of your heart and your life? i try not to pressure him about it and he hasn’t been dishonest with me. then i said how about we just put this off till next week but he seemed eager to see me cause he said no let’s meet on saturday.’s what i seem to arrive at in conclusion anyway…. basically i met this guy on a marriage website and we got to know each other of the basic stuff., if you sent him a short email saying you were going to be in his area soon and you’d love to grab a coffee with him, i think that could work. those of you that ask why about how i found his profile, my friend created a blank account to check her dishonest husband a few years ago, and i logged on (with her permission)…my profile has been down for a long time. things might (and should) change after you’ve decided to be exclusive. partner and i have been together for about half a year, and we met on a dating site (i’d guess it’s the same one as the lw is using because it’s free and actually better than the majority of pay sites). his response was “that the site is for friends, just like facebook” i said him he has got to be kidding because it is a dating site not a friend site and what would he do when girls want to meet him? he wanted something casual at the moment’ but wasn’t sure if he wanted to see others. are you ok with easier opportunities via online dating while shagging her? he also said that i should know that if he had a chance to get online, he would have texted me as he always does. it may be that he’s being honest and he’s only seeing you but the whole “actions speak louder than words” thing isn’t doing him any favors and were i in a situation like yours i would want to let him know that. he told me he was the luckiest guy in the world to have a great catch like me’. he had deactivated ,blocked me and deleted his old account so that it had looked to me he was offline yet had reopened a new one! i’ve don’t a ton of research on this and cannot find any explanation of how a dating profile can show recent activity if the user has not been on for supposedly over a year. if he’s just looking for his ego stroking, he shouldn’t need it right now should he? i told him since he wanted to keep things casual i didn’t know what to do. because we live on different hawaiian islands, we didn’t meet in person until about a month after emailing and talking.
Have You Ever Spied on Someone to See if They're Still Using the
i’d be careful: if he’s now dating another girl and things don’t work out with her, he’s likely to try and come back and make you feel like everything was fine and you were overreacting. ive been with my boyfriend 3 months, we spend every weekend togther and plan to do things. nevertheless, i was shocked and disappointed when he told me one morning that he had been on a date. if he’s not going to commit, this is a risk for you and i’d see talking to other men as a valid approach since you can’t know what he’s going to do down the line. in the browser history i was looking to see if he had been viewing porn websites when i noticed a dating website there. i’m still also unsure if i want to be in a serious exclusive relationship with him. i’ve gone on a handful of online dates over the past few years and that have never resulted in a second date.” or maybe “i like you and would like to keep seeing you, but i don’t think i’m ready for something exclusive” or even “you’re a lovely person, but i don’t think we should see each other anymore. met a guy on a dating website about 3 weeks ago, and ever since then (tons of long emails back and forth), we’ve been really attached. he did many kind and loving things…though he no longer does them. if he’s hesitating because he’s concerned about commitment, this approach could scare him off. not that you can’t find success, but often this approach mentally “locks” us into continuing to pursue a relationship even when it isn’t that great (and there are lots of other reasons to date multiple people in my mind, but i’ll not go over all that again here). we see each other about once a week due to work and we both have kids, he has his when mine is gone to his dads. he even introduced me as his fiancee once, and all his friends know about me. things were tough at first but then they seemed to be getting better. he’s all over the shop & i can’t handle this roller coaster. or what should i say to him to make him answer me and we become like we were used to. should i have her make a date with him and me show up? met a guy online we hit it off really great. when we’re together he shows everyone that he cares. i recently met a man i like very much – we met for drinks/appetizers, had a great time, lots of laughter and connection, nice goodnight kiss as well. we also slept with each other…yes i know it probably wasn’t smart to have sex on the first date, but after talking to each other that much, i think we both just went with the flow. and then he texted me out of the blue and said he was drinking not too far from where i live and was wondering if we could meet up to which i said no way cause i had plans and he was bummed about my answer.?Also since posting this, we’ve had more discussions, all of which have been helpful. cut a long story short, he’d logged in that day, not just to that site but to a related one. have both been under a lot of pressure and stress this past year and i haven’t had the guts to bring it up. it’s a good idea to let him know that the active profile is the source of much of this feeling (leaving this out could leave many of us guys, who can be dense when it comes to relationships, confused or surprised). if i try to ride it out, what is a good amount of time to see if he takes it down? he agreed that he did too, and things were good. what he did is not right and you did not deserve to be hurt like that. i don’t think that means that you should have concerns that you’re being cheated on, but i do think you should have concerns around “why does he feel that he still needs to be checking his dating profile?.he wasn’t being extra sweet to me in his texts…one night from my hidden account i looked on match and noticed he had his profile up, he even uploaded a picture i took of him. he has met my family and gets along great with them, i have met his mom and some of his friends. actually i have some of my toiletries in his bathroom and he’s fine with that. when we were saying goodbye i told him i would miss him and he said i am already missing you’. however, i do worry that the next time he tries dating someone else he might find himself interested in her and then you’ll find yourself alone. – let’s imagine you met my wife and i for dinner. he’s spoken a lot about his parents and himself and his friends and his work. so i took down my profile after we chat and plans to talk to him about our relationship. if he sent it that would be more concerning to me. a lot of men are damaged and just don’t know how to love or be loved. it’s actually really common to leave a dating profile live on a site or app even if you’re seeing someone or not actively online dating. i told him again that it makes me feel as though i can’t trust him if his profile is still visible because that means he is still single. mine is pretty similar however, like most others, i really don’t know how to handle it.!First off let me say that many men keep their profiles active even though they are interested in the woman they are regularly dating. you can continue to hang out with him but start looking to date other guys as well? i checked to see where he was at on the date of that party, and he was with me the whole time – so he didn’t go..if you need to lie, perhaps its time to keave.” he told me i was being needy but that he wanted to continue seeing me, but not be exclusive. the fact that he won’t allow you to post pictures of the two of you together but then has photos with his “online girlfriend” is particularly troubling. i just immensely like him, and i haven’t felt this way about anyone., i’m in a similar situation to most on here. i find this truth out many many months after dating when she kept walking up into his house and always there when i came over. (i dont think so cos we hav met without sex and because we tlk about everything for months now). instead, just ask her if she’s still using the app and start a conversation. i said i just needed some reassurance and he told me to be reassured. i relaxed and began to enjoy the journey, tentatively falling a little by little for him. that being said, are there any creative ways where you could spend more time together even though you don’t have cars? if he is honest and admits to having a commitment issue, could you give him more time? this morning i texted him the usual good morning text, please be safe out there etc. he left he kissed me on my forehead & cheeks before the lips. i started by telling him i wasn’t ready to move in together and needed more time. my heart sank as the truth i had already known finally started to come out. he is introducing me to his dad (who lives out of state but is coming to visit) next week, so thats kind of a big deal but yet he is still doing this…help please! i said i had made an account and saw him on there. i recently signed up on another website and have been looking at other prospects because i feel even though i care about him, i don’t want to put all my eggs in one basket if he is unsure of me as well. past 3 days have been really wierd, we were suposed to go see a movie together after i was off work and i hadnt heard from him since noon, had texted him quite a few times with no response. on the other hand i don’t want to continue to put a lot of time and effort into this relationship if she’s looking for something else as i don’t want to be the fallback guy either…. i confronted him about it and said that it bothers me that you still have your profile up on match. i’m afraid if i put my profile back up that it will make the situation worse, plus i really don’t want to. had trouble getting her on the phone as thats something shes uncomfortable with and shes unsure about being able to visit cause of money going towards a course.’ve had several readers write me after they argued with the man they were dating to ask if i thought they had made the right choice. that online dating is a normal way to meet people, new issues have come up that are totally different from the things daters use to worry about. again he pushed it back on me and i had had enough. he wanted to meet me on sunday evening but i couldn’t and then i was shocked to see that he had repeatedly logged into his account. all this bull about the guy being scared of commitment and just being a guy is bull crap. at that stage i was ready to end the relationship and leave him to it. agree with the advice here – especially the timing – and acknowledge that girls tend to overeact in these matters of the heart so maybe we could all do with a bit of advice to slow down a bit. he actually emailed my fake profile on friday & then on sunday. i don’t think you should feel stuck though – obviously this is a relationship you should work on getting away from (but i understand your concern given his response). i realize she’s already reached that point where it would be devastating for her to lose him but allowing it to continue only to have things end over this a few years from now isn’t going to improve things for her. i am a strong woman who needs a strong guy. this article has been very helpful but i want something a little bit more specific. is probably the most obvious piece of advice but it can also be the most difficult to put into action. ali – doesn’t sound like good news to me unfortunately. that said, it’s honestly hard for me to guess as each situation can vary so much!’d vote for opening up more and letting him know how you feel…but not necessarily in one big conversation. on, my now boyfriend and i started dating and it was casual dating for both of us. he did, when we spoke i said i was upset, i just seen his profile and how it changed and we were literlally with each other hours ago. finally bothered me so much that his profile was still active that i asked him about it. while we were saying goodbye he asked me out and i agreed. he promised again he would delete it as soon as he can get back on and he promised i would never have to go through something like that again. sent the email not as an ultimatum but just as an fyi… and i am sure he will stay on line until he decides what he is looking for and if in fact it is in me. am struck by how similar my experience is to so many others. mean, the whole comment gets a big “yes, correct”, but this in particular. as maree touched on earlier, these guys wouldn’t try to continue to pick up other women and real life and shouldn’t do so online either.’m curious though, maree: when you forced a “swift ending one way or another” with these guys (prior to the last) did you ever first force the “let’s be exclusive” talk or did you just end things? i’m fully aware of the irony of this, being that i had to be online as well in order see him. all that being said, i do have some family issues in my life, i have a brother who has a drug/alcohol problem who is always getting in trouble that i have to look out for, my mother passed away 5 years ago but it still feels like yesterday. he, not me, started talking of baby names with me.’v egot the same problem on ly mine is a little different. now the only reason i knew to look and see if he was on there was this gut feeling that i got. given how much time we spend together, it’s really difficult for me to make a case against him keeping his online dating profile up if his ridiculousness of a truth is, in fact, a truth at all. you care for him and while some of his actions declare he feels the same way, other actions make things less clear. i said, “dare i ask if we can see other people? we were going to hang out all day but he told me yesterday that it’s his friend’s birthday on saturday, i mean how do u forget that? me, this guy is saying he loves you but he is not showing it. but it was apparent that he was really hung up on her. the fact that he has logged onto a dating site?! yes he needs to appreciate what he’s got instead of fretting about what he’s missing out on. we continued to date and then on valentine’s day we broke up officially. i have tried to keep my “option open” by staying on the site – but it just makes me feel bad….’ve decided to try online dating and found yourself talking to a man that seems promising. half of the time i am the one to initiate the conversations even though he responds and we talk but he doesn’t really ask my a lot and also he doesn’t write much.” so obviously, i creeped today and you can see (even if you’re not a member with a profile) if a username of a profile exists. he said he was trying to hide his but couldnt do it on his phone but when he gets a laptop he will do it, i said ill hide mine too. in the first few weeks we were together i was worried about how my daughter would react to being around a new guy. have been dating a guy for 5 weeks, been out 12 times w/a couple of overnights. i feel as though you don’t care about the way i feel and that makes me wonder…. he called me his girlfriend and said that he doesn’t see anyone else. find out how i failed at first but then had great success with online dating – download my free 100+ page online dating guide ebook today! i know he got my messages yesterday i messaged him on facebook and it tells you exactly when he read it which was this morning around 8. i even had one reader who had gave the man a hard time the day after their first date when his profile was still up. we both care really care about each other and want to stay in each other’s life. you just never know but i have given up on online dating. katz makes a great point in one of his blog posts about this very dating dilemma online. – that he could go back online without telling me – this feels like he is going behind my back in some way – though the forum is public so of course i then think the act of going back online means he is making a massive statement that he is no longer interested instead of having the respect and courage to say so to my face… if you know what i mean. we dated for a year and then we moved in together. know this is almost what everyone else is saying but i would like your advice. i told him i’d rather talk for 10 min than text for hours. that was fine, i did keep a check to see if hed come on and there was nothing for a few days and now its started again, hes been on and off for the last few days now..what am i going to be with you, sleep with you, & be wondering whats going on; on the side with the dating site…. would it be acceptable if he continued to go along to such events and chat and flirt with other girls? i know he was aware that i disabled my profile because he can check it. cmb premium to see exclusive feedback on bagels’ chat activity. i will tell you that he does the same with his job though. doesn’t he realise i am losing trust in him?. i’ll summarize the positive and negative of what i found:He had not been texting or emailing other women since over a year ago (at least from what i could tell). do text and talk on the phone quite often but i had came to realise that its already been 3 months and his profile is still active and he goes on it quite often. i asked if there was anything missing from our relationship as that would be the only reason why i would go on a site. he cuddled me beautifully the entire night – it was sweet. feel like i had a very similar situation/conversation a month or so ago, where i knew that the person i was seeing (am seeing) was going to be important to me and i didn’t feel like writing back to a bunch of nice dudes saying “hey, thanks for your nice note., let’s just say for example he was doing it because he was bored, but had no other intentions… well even that is dangerous because i personally know so many couples who have broken up over facebook accounts, comments, pics etc… it always just starts so innocently, a person looks cute, they say hello and that could lead to a full blown relationship/affair/fling. unfortunately it seems that at this point you should have a conversation with him about this and where he sees things going…i’d hate to think that he’d be using you for a place to live (and hopefully that’s not it).!, conversation was boring and didnt amount to anything so i just blanked him and deleted profile. all you can really do is let him or her go in peace, and hope that maybe one day soon, he or she will realize before it’s too late what a truly great catch you really are. except the fact that my bf wanted to date me and see me, but still thought there was someone else out there “better” for him, so he kept the site up. slept together after about 5 dates and it just felt right but neither of us mentioned about being exclusive, i think we both took it we were only seeing and sleeping with each other, at this point he was still active on site but my time on there was becoming less. i told him he shouldn’t be taking his frustrations out on me & that he can date my ‘friend’. i look today and it’s back up with modifications? a quick google search on his user name revealed another three, all with very recent logins.
Ask a Guy: We're Dating, But He Still Checks
’s a long article just discuss having a guy take his profile down! founded by 3 sisters in 2012 in nyc, cmb aims to deliver a fun, safe, and quality dating experience that results in meaningful relationships. i’ve been dating this guy i met on pof for 3mts now. being exclusive means resisting temptation and focusing on the lady you are bedding and claim to be crazy about. i sent one text on that first day, and one on the second day, and decided that was it. try to pick what feels like the best opportunity to talk about it, not the first opportunity. there is no cure but an expensive therapist to sit with you for several sessions for emotional damage – to help re establish your self worth and value that was destroyed by one person who had the audacity to demand no expectations while you jump to his cool as heck laid back beat. and he replied with a nice good morning text as usual, apologizing for not texting yesterday but he didn’t go to the wifi place but went to the base and finished settling in and going to bed early. expected to hear from him more, but i heard less from him. perhaps it’s a commitment problem, perhaps it’s a fidelity problem or maybe it’s something else…but regardless of what it is, it’s not a foundation you’d want to build a solid relationship on. completely deleted my profile dont know if i should make a new one or what. he even told me that he’ll fetch me at the airport. we’ve even been to a festival and just went away for the weekend together. do you think that would be the wrong way to go about things? he tells me how lovely a time he had and how he doesnt kno if we will definately be able to meet again due to the situation. i also said that i wanted to be there for him and support him, and that what he gets from me is honesty and loyalty, but that i require the same. he asks me out every weekend and also at least once during the week. never apologize for checking up on a person who has lied to you and promises to do better. he really thinks the two of you aren’t “bound”, then i think you should let him know that because of that, you’re going to begin to talk with other men. however i did manage to see that he was “online now. in general, he was never pushy or anything, but the opposite, and i got the impression of him as being a nice and honest guy. expected both our profiles would remain active until we were certain we were right for each other and moved forward in the relationship. he lied when he told me he hadn’t been with anyone else in a while, which turned out to be about 7 days… and he told his fwb girl that he hadn’t been with me in a really long time – which actually was like 3 days. but again, maybe i misunderstand what exclusive means in this case. i’ve met his family and friends, he takes me out everywhere and even wants to book time off with me.. i ask for a proper goodbye and he hugs me and hesitates to kiss me……. he seems genuine but he won’t take his profile off & commit. instead, it’s something you think has to be done as a courtesy and out of respect for that person when you know you’re going to eventually mess up. six weeks ago i met a guy from an online dating site. are many top-ranked colleges in the united kingdom, but how do they stack up…. would you be amazed by the love i have for my wife? i think it’s more likely he still wants attention or that he’s lying (unfortunately). he told me “let’s go inside and delete it right now, together” we tried but the site was having an error. can’t really speak to how much hope there is in this situation but maybe instead of walking away, you just open your options as well? i’m assuming it’s been decided that you would date each other exclusively if he’s saying that he loves you. he didn’t say marriage, but his intentions are long term with me and he is excited to see a long term future together. two days ago, someone brought his pof account to my attention, knowing that we were “together”, so i got online and checked it out. his excuse was he did not have a computer, only his phone to access, and there is no way to deactivate from a mobile device. i asked him on sunday and he said he was in there cleaning up his inbox before deleting. the funny thing about being in a relationship when you’ve been single for so long is that you go into it having all these preconceived ideas on how you would react to certain dating situations, and you prejudge your future relationships based on your past ones. if he can’t bring himself to take his profile down no matter how much you talk about it, i think you need to consider keeping your options open as well. i started talking to a guy in dec and we hit it off. i doubt asking him about being friends would scare him off but at the same time you wouldn’t want to repeatedly make him uncomfortable about where you stand so i’d recommend just accepting things as-is for now. we started off as being friends with each other and now started dating but he never mentioned about being exclusively but when i check the dating site each day he seems to be on it very often as i am very confused as to why when he informed me that he is my boyfriend and still looking for someone else. if i trust her the way i should then i need not to worry. we haven’t talked about exclusivity yet, because i don’t want to pressure him. i am still not sure how to handle the situation. have absolutely no clue what to do and i hope you can help me. i expected to see the original profile from when we first meet but this one was different and his profile picture was a picture of him and his daughter that we took after we moved in and decided to take family portraits to hang around the house. have been dating a wonderful woman for over 3 months that i met on match. i know it sounds petty but he is being petty by saying stuff like that to you and even being on those sites. i think doing this can be beneficial because a) you might find a great guy who does want to commit or b) he might realize how much it sucks to have the person you’re dating to be open to dating other people. that he was online hurt me and threw me a little. i felt sick and angry but said nothing… i calmed down and spoke to a friend next day and she was like, u need to say something. i was like would u be happy hidin ur profile as i am. saw each other again, two weeks afterwards, i went to visit him this time. he said he wasn’t seeing anyone but me at present, but he wanted that option open. i definitely don’t want you to beat yourself up over your choices! it’s a dilemma that’s more common than you think when online dating turns into an offline relationship. now whether you really talk with other guys is up to you…but honestly, i think it wouldn’t be a bad idea to actually do so. guess i’m concerned because it seems like he logs onto match when we’re both at work. he said he respected that about me, and that he had not seen or been with anyone else in a while. it honestly sounds like your time might be better spent looking for someone who would fight to spend time with you as opposed to fighting to spend time with others. i could honestly envision us together for a long long time, and it just came as a blow. then he will always know that i found out and, the guilt he may feel could jeopardise our relationship. he says hes not dating/sleeping with anyone else but why is he still online? my biggest worry is my daughter, she is very attached to him and tells him that he is her best friend and she loves him, and he tells her the same. if you want something more, you need to tell him how you feel. could be you end up laughing over your mutual confusion.” today, i emailed him and asked him if he is dating people from the site and that we should both take our sites down and focus on each other. he might just be hiding that he’s not ready to commit. after work he did call me and told me that they are being deployed to turkey for about 50-90 days. so when i met him on thursday i asked him why he was online if he so wanted to get off. i met a guy on a dating app, we went on a date. i have dated my share of immature guys and he sound like one in my book. literlally with in mins of saying good nite to me he was online, he disappeared for a few min and then came back up and now his profile was saying he was looking for a relationship, so it went from nothing serious to looking for! non the less i started to warm up to the idea. he had left it logged in and i noticed from the history he had checked some of the women out but he didn’t have a premium account. it’s hard to judge why his profile is up otherwise – it might be because he’s still looking to date others or it might just be that he’s forgotten about it. i definitely can not be physical with him if i know he is talking to other people. a few days after i posted, he and i went to lunch and had a serious talk about it. sure, there is a degree of romance in having the guy take down the profile on his own. i want to trust him, but my heart doesn’t understand why we’re not together if he “loves” me?’s something in there, i think, about making romantic choices from a place of confidence and abundance rather than the feeling of scarcity. i, the obsessor that i am when i genuinely have feelings for someone, made a fake profile and emailed him “hi! he’s a great guy, doesn’t have much friends but come on… i’m not sure if i’m being too stubborn. he is gone the third day only, and when he arrived there he texted me that getting a wifi hotspot is problematic, but that he would figure it out. – would you feel comfortable telling him you want to take your profile down and ask him if he would do the same? i really do appreciate the advice but it’s not going to work out. so we met and he told me he was glad i had pushed him out. in the meantime it felt great to be sure of my own feelings – “okay, i know i’m in. could you tell me where you see our relationship going? same lie as before he didn’t know how to delete. last night i didn’t hear from him at all. i’m pretty savvy with my online privacy settings and avoided clicking on his profile, so he couldn’t see that i had visited it. in the meantime brad he treats me very well and has introduced me to his parents and all his friends. but i do remember in the summer we seemed very close. the issue now is figuring out how and in what capacity. i was heart broken when i saw it, and i text him right away confronting him about it…. and i hope it goes without saying that when you enter a relationship where you both are only interested in each other, at that point the multiple dating would stop! that we are at different places in regards to what we want at the moment, although we do want the same thing in the end, a loving, solid relationship. i think these are all good things and he did give me a heads up well in advance and still wants to meet. so i said i cant speak now can he call me later. don’t over react but do not ignore the nagging inconsistencies. told me the first day i hadnt talked to him that he forgot his phone at his friends, and id like to believe him but now 2 more days of him not talking to me much i dont know what to think… my friends tell me to give him space so im gonna work on not trying to contact him as much today. that feels like it could go wrong it lots of different ways. perhaps a taste of his own medicine will wake him up to what he’s doing…but honestly that’s not the point or the goal. i am really confused cos y’day he was online 3 times i haven’t even gone into my account. that he would go to the place we had dinner at on monday since it was ‘so so good’. since then i have been the happiest girl on earth and i am so in love i have never been. he was very interested in asking me about my life, my opinions, my family, my experiences and he genuinely seemed to care and to want to listen. after the first week he was asking me to be his girl. if that doesn’t explain enough, i texted him once and he didn’t respond. i was quick to let you know how much i loved my wife but every time i told you this i also punched her in the face. i txtd him the next afternoon when he said he was done work, and asked him if he could meet me somewhere because i needed to talk to him, i was having a bad day (it actually wasn’t about him, rather than my pseudo grandfather had fallen ill, and i just needed a shoulder to cry on). he said his data on his phone wouldn’t work (i think he meant he didn’t want to risk paying for the roaming), but he would text me whenever he would get a chance. he did not introduce me as the “girlfriend,” but simply by name. we havent spoken properly about this as this was late last night and when i rang i woke him. maybe casual is fine with you for a while, maybe it’s not. he’s an adult and for whatever reason, this is the choice he’s making right now. it’s march 2015, and he brings up the topic of moving in together. he says he doesn’t want to rush things and does not just want to date anyone, he is dating to find someone to marry and wants to be sure. would it really make you feel better if he waited until the next morning? i thought he was nice and understanding, but i was completely wrong. well i found out he is now with a seperated lady he met online. so i plucked up courage and sent txt, saying i had a good day etc but im upset and i needed to talk to him, his instant reply was are u ok, whats wrong. we’re very happy together, and we had the “relationship” talk after about 3-4 weeks, which basically went, “i’m not seeing anyone else and i don’t want to, and while i’m not ready to start calling you my boyfriend/girlfriend, i want to be exclusive. now, he only goes online for a couple of minutes at a time whenever he does log in. this last weekend he finally got the courage to inform his mother that he had proposed (6 months ago! sex until you both take down your profiles and agree to be exclusive. he was dating and sleeping w/ tons of women – that doesn’t really concern me too much, as i can’t say i wasn’t doing a little of the same, and we had not declared exclusivity at that point. i raised this with him, and he still swore blind that he hadn’t met up with anyone since meeting me and was responding that he wasn’t available for a relationship. jessica – i think it would probably be best to ask him what he’s looking for in a relationship since that conversation hasn’t come up. nov to jan, we went on a date once every 3 weeks, always having the time of our lives. it hurts me that he denies our relationship to people he know but is all about it in private. that’s besides the point really but it’s still true. the reader above waited six weeks and i think that is very patient. as i usually contact him 1st but he responds like right away, like he is sitting on his phone almost. so i went into my whatsapp (that’s how we communicate) and checked when my messages to him were actually read (i normally don’t pay attention to this), and it came out that he seemed to have been online at times when he told me that he didn’t have wifi on his phone. he introduced me to some guy as his girlfriend but tells everyone else i am his friend. i have to add that i am 41 and he is 36, but he said he doesn’t care and neither do i. i can see that you are probably looking at other girls.” i then printed this section out and asked him again if he was cheating on the internet and he looked me straight in the eyes and said: “definitely not”. after the first date their was no question weather or not if i wanted to see him again, hope to be his gf and etc. however, when we commit to getting into a relationship we should be willing to give some things up. then a day later i saw him driving around, i called him not to initially bring anything up, but when he didn’t answer we got into it and he said that he does want stuff to work but i can’t be so paranoid. but i just dont know how to really tell if his idea of a relationship is the same as mine or if he just wants to date.. which has been cancelled but not hear anything about a visit.)anyway,i said, so i am just going to enjoy this while we’re here. he visited me one weekend (stayed in a hotel), i visited him the following weekend (stayed with him), two weekends pass and he came to visit me again this past weekend. to me, it sounds like another guy who isn’t necessarily cheating but is struggling to commit.
Want to be official dating but he's still online looking?!? Free Dating
that said, even if this guy is an idiot with computers who isn’t getting together in person with women he’s meeting online, if he’s continuing to log in, it’s not unreasonable to conclude that he’s doing this to feel that he’s either keeping his options open, or that he’s looking for the ego boost that comes from strangers finding him attractive. it’s not that he doesn’t want to keep spending time with you, it just means that he wants to keep his options open until someone he’s more into comes along. they like to look and the crave for attention from the opposite sex. i made it clear that i was not looking to settle down, but did want to continue dating him to see where it could lead, but could only do it if neither of us were going to continue to see other people. i’m not saying this is what is happening but i would argue he seems to deserve a little more benefit of the doubt than some of the other guys discussed here. you know i’m not a bad person and i did try to tell you i wasn’t thinking us in a relationship would work. he’s removed his dating profiles, although i don’t like that i had to get very demanding about that.. but i can’t relax with her until i know. however, after a while i think we both stepped back slightly due to this situation. i’m sure this will make him angry but it will be pretty hard for him to deny (and i get the feeling that you’re going to have to accept him getting angry if you want to pursue solving this problem, regardless of how you approach it). when we were a month into our relationship i told her i was not going to renew my match subscription because i only want her. i told him that i couldn’t continue on with him though if he still wanted to see other women. i understand we never comitted ourselves to each other, sohe has every rigt to. do wonder, how would he react if you had an active dating profile online? but he’s open to me talking to him about it when i feel the need to. i’ve never had to initiate the “where is this going” talk. if you’re just not comfortable with that, it sounds to me like you could bring this up again.. we are both full time parents and work full time. he mentioned twice that nobody comes to his apartment but me. think that many guys who use internet dating think of it as a “smorgesbord” and feel that it is their right to taste everything on offer! i love him so much but it seems that he keeps making these promises that mean nothing. he did not have any sent messages in his sent out box. i kinda don’t want him to see other guys in between the next time we meet up again. he said he broke up with her for me like that would make me feel any better. i told him i was getting a bunch of emails and just didn’t feel like dealing with them. if you’d like to talk to your potential partner about exclusivity, now isn’t a bad time. i mentioned before, i assumed we were exclusive when we had that talk and worked things out (in late nov 2013). so i never talked to him about the dating site but i found out that he isn’t using the site we met on anymore but that he has set up an account for a totally different site and tried to hide that it’s really him so that no one will know. also said she wasn’t one for dating sites ( no sense) and if a guy was to try and talk to her she would say she was dating someone. this morning i decided to reciprocate the photo txt, and i sent him one (nothing i would be ashamed of though if someone else saw), and i sent a message along with it that said good morning 😉 it’s been a good 20 minutes since i’ve sent it, and in another 15 i know he’ll be at work and therefore wont text me. we talk on the phone most nights since we are busy and live about 45 minutes away from each other. we have taken our relationship to the next level (if you can call it a relationship) intamacy is great.’m concerned telling her this may rattle her a bit givien her prior experience and scare her off. would then suggest that if things are still going well between the two of you in a few weeks that you let him know that you would like to be girlfriend/boyfriend and see what his response is. i know at one point after we first met, he told me he wasn’t just sleeping around with anyone and everyone. so my question is should i be concern about his profile is still up and he’s still checking it, since i never mention or ask him to take it down.’ve been dating my boyfriend for 6 months but he continues to be active on dating sites., he is still active on the sight and logs in. he invited me to stay at his place and we again had a great time, very easygoing, no tension or uncomfortable feeling at all. have met an army man on an online dating site about 6 weeks ago, and we pretty much hit it off right from the beginning. i just assume that if someone really likes you, then they would delete their online profile right away and they wouldn’t be so afraid of commitment. but also texts me and tells me how much he misses me and how much he dreams about me, blah, blah, blah. he said that he finds me very pretty and hot.. i put his hand on my chest and said ‘omg! he lives about 120 miles away and is busy finishing up his residency. another problem is that a few times he had informed me that he is confused and do not know what he wants in life or keeps on changing his problem which makes me feel so confused and disappointed. wonder what he’ll think when he sees his fiance’s new profile there. that or i would just cut him off… the guy i used to see from okc has a new gf supposedly but he is still on there.’m realizing that the bottom line is, i don’t trust him anymore. here’s how katz breaks it down in layman’s terms: “i don’t go to amazon to browse books.! he then texted me & lashed out saying he had had a bad day & that he felt he was being ‘witch-hunted’ & that he had spent money contacting my ‘friend’ & felt he’d been sucked in. i know its wrong to snoop but i did i went on his cell phone and found that he has an open tagged account. vulnerable anxious feeling you have, like, this is really really good and suddenly there is something to lose here and you don’t want to lose it? years, and wasn’t looking for anyone when i met a wonderful man. about 2 weeks after we met, i cancelled my match account, and closed out my pof profile. he’s been too busy to delete it and also his friend is using it to find women. though he already told me he wasn’t interested in dating other people, and we had both disabled our profiles a week or two before. i agree men need women to tell them how and what they feel since men aren’t mind readers but then, neither are women. i get that i hurt him, and we obviously had some sort of miscommunication about what i ment by needing some time to think. we were approved he never moved in because he has his own home. it’s clear he’s online but not yet dating anyone. shellbell – i’m emailing you a response on this (sorry for the delay if you wander back! but he still checks it daily so im kinda confused. i told him am busy & he sent me a text that was obviously for someone else. i still believe what i wrote there, i’m finding that many of the women who are contacting me are not at the point where they are sure if the man is their “boyfriend” or not.. he has gone from asking me to move in to changing his mind. – i would generally expect that a man telling a woman that he would like to date her exclusively would be received positively. for the last few months this has been by far the question i’ve received most often from readers. 2: your friend finds the profile of woman you’re seeing. i was not satisfied with his anwser so i kept a close eye on things. i am only asking – in these early stages – for respect enough to put all the other girls aside for a moment… is that really too much to ask? try not to force them but at the same time you will want to look for opportunities let him know that you need to know where you stand with him. if you want to take a stand and draw the line at 6 weeks, i’m okay with that. i got really sad about he still having it up and went into my zone for the rest of the night. i didn’t evern take him seriously on the date (even though i thought he was hot), i was joking too much to get rid of him but he seemed to like me alot and wanted to see me more. we made some mistakes by not talking earlier, but i did not want to use that as a reason for exercizing caution when i knew i would not go forward. after the month of him being gone, he got a hotel room and i stayed with him for a few days, hanging out non stop except when i have to go to work. as you approach being exclusive, obviously it would be a problem but since you say that’s not where you’re at, i’d leave it be. that h honestly doesn’t know if he can give, recieve or feel love again due to the divorce. doesn’t sound like a great catch to me to be honest and i imagine there’s more going on than he wants you to know. we went on a road trip together, he paid for everything, went to the beach got a really nice room. – i can’t really speak to what’s going on in his head.’d try not to worry too much at this point. or just let it go and don’t make a big deal of it and just focused on our relationship? i was thrilled to have found something special and i cancelled all of my future dates as soon as i got home from my date with my (someday-to-be) wife. at this time he posted that he was “single” on ok and so did i. when he says he’ll take it down when the time is “right”…well, if you’re dating someone and you keep telling her you’re not going to date anyone else then the right time is now! he said that it was everything about me that turned his heart around and brought out the person he used to be a long time ago, and that he absolutely did not want to lose me. as a result, the social norms and expectations we have for dating before changes right along with the technology we’re using. i finally pushed him and he admitted he and she had a sexual relationship a long time ago and that he had lied but he felt nothing for her then or now. a married man let me tell you even after years and years with a woman i love, i still rarely know what’s going on in her head. you had left a comment in another post saying that he expressed surprise when you told him you only date one person at a time, so i think he is coming at the relationship from a different starting point. when searching for profiles, my profile said i had been active within 5 days. in many of the other cases, the guys don’t clearly commit or label the relationship. if a woman continued intereacting with men she was meeting online, the man she’d been planning a future with wouldn’t dismiss it as innocent. he texted me as soon as he got home and i thought things will progress. the fact that you’re taking the time to answer each person is truly amazing. he didn’t like it at all and only thought of me.! this happened to me after being in an exclusive relationship for 14 months. i know you may not want to for fear of what the answer will be but in the long run it’s better to know sooner rather than later in my mind. brad, i really enjoyed the post and seems that many of us experience the same issue. if you can figure out how to log in, update with new pics and stuff, you can figure out how to do other stuff. friend of mine said that he is a pisces and thats just the way they are. i bring it up, he says ok let’s talk about, and bam. things were going extremely well and i have never been happier. we still caught up on sunday evening and it was lovely. he has had it rough…a lot of ups and downs with his ex who has refused to let him see his babygirl. thoughts are that yes a girl makes this decision more quickly – instinctively not wishing to harm the budding relationship. i feel that it is his way of letting me know that he is not doing anything behind my back and is totally honest. i struggled with myself whether to bring it up or not about what i had found out, but then i decided to confront him. Right is our advice column that tackles the tricky world of online dating. we hit it off and are still seeing each other. didn’t see an email from you yet, but i know i’m being anxious and impatient 🙂 thanks again for your great blog. yeah, a deleted profile would be best (or updated text) but at least he has it heading in the right direction. that’s how things went for my wife and i when we met online. i checked, and he’s been online in the past 4 hours. to be honest, i’m not convinced that all the guys doing this even understand why. have read that many complaints from match is the status option is flawed and can be triggered from simply receiving and deleting a email from match in your personal account. seems he wants me on his terms but doesn’t want anyone else having me. our emails were immediately riveting and he even told me it seemed like we knew each other for ages. i do have some advice but let’s first look at one reader’s email and user this as an example for better understanding where you stand with your guy:My issue comes with him still having his profile up, and with my curiosity getting the best of me, i check almost everyday just to see when he last logged on – seems to be every few days or so. i texted him that i missed him, i havent mentioned anything to him about deleting his profile, i told him i deleted mine and he said he cant delete his from his phone. this may not be the most polite way to go about things, but it’s their prerogative. now in the position where i dont know what to do now? once that talk is done, i think it’s much easier to get a real feel for how much respect (or lack thereof) a man is showing. he also said he has friends he talks to but no one that he is seeing or dating. we all know that what a man does speaks louder than what he will ever say. heard from him twice while away – one sentence texts, with no greeting or emoticon – i answered and then he never responded – both times were like this. the 2nd time i had a little too many and it got a little too late and we ended up going back to his place and well you can guess what happened. but you have to chill about the online dating thing. we had a mild argument about what was going on, and what it came down to was i told him don’t take me for a fool, and don’t take me for granted. he also told me at night that he’s missing challenge in his life. i was getting player’ vibes from him by this time. there was one night about 3 weeks ago now where i did flip out on him (somewhat) about not responding to my texts at all (heard nothing from him, two different days. i deleted my profile ages ago, but this afternoon i had a look and he is still using it. should i wait a little bit until we get more serious? maybe you should join all those dating sites just to piss him off! i hope all guys aren’t like this because it seems like it. he was moving the relatiosnhip way to fast wanting to move in etc. guess i’m wondering if he’s interested or not. i had touched on a similar topic last year in my post my boyfriend has kept his online dating profile active. this could remove some of your problems but it would also be nice for those who are still dating online and trying to find someone interested (and obviously you’re not! dezi – i would say giving it a bit more time wouldn’t hurt (only because it would be nice for him to bring the idea up). we have been itimate and he told me he hasn’t been with anyone since he broke off his engagement last summer. i’ve met his friends and he’s met my friends and some of my family.” so, going back to point one, dramatic irony, he may be feeling exactly as you do: into you! it didn’t make them not like each other, it made them say “oh wait, i choose you. i did my usual hey there sexy, he said lol…i asked him how his work thing was going, no response. – it’s very possible that he would change as we don’t really know what’s causing him hesitation from fully committing to just dating you and hiding his profile. we were meant to get married next month and now it’s been pushed back to easter. till that time though we had exchanged numbers but he had not texted me.
6 signs that your online date can't be trusted
” so i told him i was going to start seeing other people…. as i discussed above, i would recommend against being aggressive or angry. had not been looking at emails that came from his dating site, let along responding to them. a healthy normal relationship should consists of time together and time apart. i care about him so much and i yet i have my reservations about him. feel like there’s a lot i left out, yet it’s hard typing on my tablet… and trying to sum up feelings and experiences to a stranger. i was so upset i put my profile back up without telling him, but i haven’t been active in looking to date anyone else. i told him no way cause i have a life to which he said how about saturday day time? have you been 100% open with him on how all this makes you feel? he says he likes to read other people’s profile summaries for entertainment purposes while taking a crap on the toilet. was/am in the same situ, whatever happened in your situation? lied when he said he added pictures to his profile just to see if i would notice and to see if i was still online. he texts me the other day and says he it on pof just out of pure boredom and then tells me he misses me and wishes he could see me. breaking up is the easy solution when you’re operating under the guise of a traditional relationship, but there’s no such thing as traditional when it comes to online dating. saw texts between him and his hockey buddies about how he wants to f*% everybody and how we was getting that ‘spring time itch’ really bad. i once again bring it up because i’m hurt and he proceeds to say he honestly thought it was nothing and had deleted the app and proceeded to even cancel his subscription in front of me. the next morning he begged to meet me and we agreed to brunch on sunday (9 jan). and a few times i saw that he had cancelled plans with me, in order to be with her – of course he had lied about why he canceled with me. i was very worried because i knew that as an army soldier, deployment is always imminent. she no longer used the other roommate entrance and decided it was a ok to walk in and chat with him even when i was there all the while shooting me filthy die woman looks. i gave him about a one-minute explanation over the phone, broke it off, and have not looked back. it’s been a wonderful week and i decide to see if he’s up to anything else and low and behold i find him a jdate, jwed, passion, hotmatch, and zoosk. i can see why some people might not like their friends reporting on this sort of thing regularly…but if you’re close, she would probably appreciate it. so he can see if he knows someone…and then what? we worked things out and he promised me he would delete it asap. he said he had in the past gone from one serious relationship to another and wants to see what dating around is like. 3 months in is when i saw he was still logging in……it upset me…. i realised it was early days and though it hurt i let it go. he told me had a b’day but could manage to meet me for a bit and a drink at 12pm. he has been a total gentleman and he even went into a “domestic partnership” with me on facebook (haha). am his first relationship since a divorce from a 16 year marriage from a woman who had cheated on him. he opened an email and my friends said he was online within 24 hours. the site was deleted and i never heard anything else about it. you have a friend that also uses the same dating service as you? keep your options open and don’t care too much about what the men do…care about how it makes you feel. i find it difficult – impossible – to continue with someone who isn’t sure about me. while it does look like he may be being a bit dishonest with you, there is a chance that he may, for some reason, think you’re not interested in a serious relationship. either way, you’ll know where you stand and be ready for whatever’s ahead. would say things like “you don’t want to work it out” etc……he told me we were just on a “break” not broken up that he wanted to prove to me breaks could work…. i so like him that i cannot help but hope he realises what he’s letting go of. do like that you’re reading the 5 love languages together. i am going through something similar and i really hope that you may be able to give me some words of wisdom, advice, anything! after a couple of weeks i told him that i had deactivated my profile and he told me that he had cancelled his subscription. he replies within a min and we text for hours until i get sleepy and tired. we haven’t gone on a real date yet because he lives in a different country than mine.’d suggest talking with him and encouraging him to let you know when he’s feeling down or tempted to create a profile…but you need to be open and understanding if he’s going to be that honest with you (so no attacking if he admits he’s feeling that way). i replied next morning and told him i had other plans since i thought we were on a break. don’t know what to do at this point – my friends say just lay low, wait it out, don’t contact him anymore and see what happens – my gut is leading me into the mindset that he found someone else while i was away, or just decided he went too fast and is now backing off way too much.?Now it’s been 4 months and i wanted to see if he’s being true to his promises and i decided to check. have been dating this guy i met from online for about 3 months now, everything was amazing in the beginning. only problem is that i now trust no-one and everyone i meet on the net is suspect, although now i keep my profile up (even though i do not use it) so at least they know i my profile is still active.%d bloggers like this:Dear Captain Awkward, I'm a serially-single female in my mid-20s who has only been in two relationships. if it’s not, you might want to have a more direct conversation regarding it…. i think you should make sure some others in your life are aware of what’s going on…i don’t feel very equipped to help you very well if things are turning abusive. i saw it two days ago i felt sick to my stomach but i decided to not bring it up until my emotions have cooled a bit and i can think rationally. i would be as kind as possible if you decide to have this talk with her: you’re not trying to punish/reprimand her, just letting her know where you stand. will try to keep this to the point and as brief as possible which may prove to be difficult since i’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. i think that no matter where things actually stand, if you start to worry/stress about things, he’s going to pick up on that and it won’t make things any better. so i checked online later monday and low and behold he created a new profile recently online and he was on that day. he didn’t reply to that one anymore because he obviously had gone offline already. if you couldn’t be, walking away could very well be the best option. i suppose that is were trust comes into place, and mine is a bit shaken. and then he said “i’m not sure i see it going anywhere. instead i think if there is no mention from him after 6 week i would find it easier to just ignore him & move on to dating over guys. i was really upset (also was pmsing) and asked if i had been wrong in assuming we were exclusive. is now going away on his own for the next week or so but when he is back i shall ask to see him. i think it would be better to try to stay away from him at this point…he’s lied enough that it will be hard to tell if or when he starts telling the truth! as i’ve said previously, if you can do this without anger or making him feel threatened, i think it will go better. you can read a book together but if he turns around and starts putting a profile online, what good has it done? i want to be with you if you want a relationship with me, i don’t want to be with you if you’re only deleting it to have sex with me and he goes “of course not” and i said the whole match thing adds a lot of confusion to me. he always tells me that he has a great time with me and i’m his favorite person, but that he never dated much when he was younger and thinks he owes it to himself to date around now. i don’t have any lack of self esteem but i don’t call myself a gift horse! after reading many of these stories i have somewhat of an undertstanding that this is not uncommon. you been dating exclusively for 3 months or have you not had a talk on being exclusive? a few minutes later, his short worded texts suddenly stopped. having a dating profile doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re looking to stray from your relationship, so make sure you understand the other person’s angle whilst at the same time sharing your own.. i also haven’t heard from him all day yesterday, but i didn’t think anything of it until i found out about the badoo thing. are just guesses but the fact that he took it down in the first place is the most interesting part to me. soon after he tells me his parents want him to start thinking about seeing a family friend’s daughter from the same background as them. this thing where people are actively looking for love and connection but they only get it if they pretend really hard that it doesn’t really matter and play it cool all the time? he was right where i was with my opinion, so again – a match., you’ve been on a couple of dates and the two of you seem to have really hit it off, but then you noticed that the guy you’re super interested in changed his profile photo on the dating app you met on, which means that he must still be active.. even if after i take mine down, because it is just a profile… and i have decided… (just now) after reading all these comments that unless he cheats and i can prove it (and i will be gone)… nothing else matters…. he was suddenly not wanting me to meet his friends. i just have no idea what to do anymore…he is acting like everything is good other than my crazy moodiness lately (i think some of it has to deal with him and the other is just a mix of things bothering me). last week, while just hugging and feeling so happy being there, my heart was racing with emotion that it actually startled. second, i believe the following guidelines can help when having your conversations:Be honest. to know if sexyhotforyou has something alluring to say in an email to you that might up the ante of the lady you supposedly are crazy about? he works the graveyard shift so it is sometimes hard to see eachother but we usually manage a couple times a week. men are slower to commit and many also need their ego “stroked”. he had told me earlier that he wanted to get off the dating site. then necxt evening, when we arer leaving, we hav an odd goodbye, but then i guess we always do. everything i’m hearing is that if you open the email (even to just delete it), match will now show you as active. i can totally understand having caution after being cheated on, but at the same time you don’t want to wait months and months only to find out this might not go anywhere. this has been most acutely demonstrated over the last week by the data dump from the ashley madison platform, which revealed that the site had millions of straight male subscribers, but very few women signed up. that being said, i’d still be cautious – it takes 5 minutes to take your profile down so his excuse doesn’t make a lot of sense to me.. ladies, be smart about this, like a previous poster said, respect yourselves, love yourselves, and have enough confidence to kick his azz to the curb if you have to… one day he will realize what he had and how he messed it up, may not be tomorrow but one day he will! do you think he will change, or should i just move on and find someone else? it does make it harder him living in london and myself in suffolk as we don’t have what i would call a normal dating relationship which does make it harder. if you want to be exclusive and give up the app and he’s not ready to stop seeing other people then a relationship isn’t going to work. after a few days, i told him i’d done that and asked if he would. he came back all defensive asking me why i would say such a thing and of course he is. earl – did she seem to appreciate it the first time? this is how your valentine’s day is going rhia. i do think that’s enough time for him to know where he stands. i am not a lonely or desperate woman and like to think i have a great life and great friends. he got angry and said he wasn’t doing anything like that and he would take it off when he thought the time was right. he said that his ex did not want his daughter at my house anymore and that was that. – i think you should gently ask him about it but not attack him about it. i met him online, soon after romeo proclaimed adoration and love for me he “deactivated” his account as he said he is % sure i was the one his been looking for. first off, he has significant commitment and some emotional issues. it doesn’t help that he’s been in many long-term relationships and doesn’t do one-night stands. figure with all the things he has done it sounds like he is interested in me. met my boyfreind on the site in april 2012, we spoke over txt for like 3 weeks and met up. i’ve lived in a military town my whole life, and i avoided dating military men for that entire reason. he said he was extremely hurt as well and he still cares for me a lot, but wants to take it slow. i guess it could but it might just be a schedule or habit thing (like something he does before bed) so i’d try to not read too much into the timing. dating profile is still active – is he interested or not? if you guys are planning vacations and are seeing each other soo frequently, he should have more respect for you and not have any active accounts. need a bit of advice as i’m recently dealing with this. for when a guy knows that he has you, you’re screwed…i think that can work both ways. it’s so frustrating for me that the website charged him (earlier than they should) and after he had cancelled his sub. he still gets emails when people “check him out” or message him. it doesn’t matter if there are a hundred other wonderful things, without trust, there is no sustainable foundation. ren – at this point i’d suggest giving him a bit more time. you say to find someone who makes things easy for me — but relationships are not easy, and if they are, they aren’t real. and if i do, i’ll have to tell him it’s a real relationship or nothing. notion that men are afraid to commit while women are not isn’t true. is the thing… when we met online, he stated that he wanted long term, his “last best friend “, or something along those lines. he responded with the patent ‘interested & looking forward to your email’. that might seem like semantics but i can see where a guy is coming from if he felt like it was commitment. in my heart i feel that when a person man/woman is in a serious relationship on line dating sites should be out. he had mentioned getting marrired and i told him he was crazy. if things didn’t work out, i could re-open my “options” at any time. which privately causes me to panic…but i told him i was open to the idea and to talking about it further. btw, he told me today that he would need my parents’ consent and then we both just changed the subject. or am i a time filler till he finds something better. and just to make it clear, my sister isn’t creating suspicion with me, i’d noticed how all along, he’d be texting me and suddenly stop with no goodnight, see ya, nothing, just stopped in mid conversation. i know its him because of the wording he used and the things he is looking for. we decided to put the apartment in both of are names..but im starting to feel a bit strained because i just dont know where this is all going. ive been very patient about the situation because hes so good to me and my daughter he cooks for us every single day, and hes told me that he saw me as wife material and introduced me to a lot of ppl in his family. over the past few weeks we’ve been out a couple of times which has been nothing short of fantastic! i keep chat with him, he just read it until i block him. he’s mentioned having a vested interest in me, has talked about future (unplanned) visits, we text daily and talk almost every night. we are planning a tropical vacation in a few months, we’ve taken several weekend trips together, we’ve brought up the subject of moving in together if he doesn’t get sent away, and i’m seriously falling for him. then he gets an email from an interested woman and he says, “oh wow, i need to update my profile”. it seems that this was the choice he was making prior to you making an issue of it so i really don’t think your actions need much scrutinizing. he began texting numerous other women, and even had a one night stand with a younger woman while he was out of town. would say let him know how he’s made you feel and then keep your options open to date other guys because at this point it seems like he’s proven that you can’t believe what he says. there’s the possibility of a move for him in the future after his military career ends, and he has asked me to go with him if that possibility becomes a reality – i accepted.
When He Can't Stop Shopping Around Online
we live an hour apart so i only see him once a week -but we talk or text daily. he asked me to cancel the recurring payments in paypal, which i did for him (english is his second language and he’s not terribly computer savvy).” so i admitted what i had done, he got mad that i didn’t trust him, and i got mad that he was still on there. he really truly think that its going to be okay with me? and he announces to them that we are moving in together. that evening me and my friend were going to move to another location and i texted him to let him know. it’s especially bothersome if his actions suggest exclusivity even if he hasn’t declared so in words…and yet it is still acceptable in my mind for him to keep his profile up, even in this case. there was more to the text that told me his close friends were there at the pub with him. think i’d try to shrug it off for now. monday he contacts me and asks to lock in a time and date. in your case it sounds like he’s keeping it online (for whatever reason) but he’s also lying to you about it. about a month into dating, i knew i really liked him and wanted to see where it was going to go. so, if this is the case, why would his profile still be up? and my rule for kate is “just let me know what you’re thinking”. during the date, he continued to say the same things that he’s been saying to me and he couldn’t keep his hands off me. if you haven’t agreed to be exclusive, i feel this is the point that the relationship would need to reach before you would be in a position of strength to ask that the profile be removed. we’ve had this dang conversation at least 4 or more times! during the process i did get the little ‘addiction’ niggle. i told him it was iffy and i had hidden my profile because i’m not sure about it all together. brought it up and he told me that he thinks there is someone else better out there for his “lifestyle. convo with me, pretending to be another woman was not flirty, it was more obscenely friendly tbh and he was keen to open a convo, be friendly, (overly maybe) ask for msn or skype…. but when those unique dating situations suddenly become your present reality, you still feel like a deer caught in headlights no matter how many books about polyamory or open relationships you may have read. i know it hurts right now but i suspect it will be for the best in the long run and i’m glad it didn’t go on any longer than it did if he’s (finally) being honest with how he feels. because surely if he was into me he wouldn’t even think about pursuing other options…. where has all the trust gone, now i feel he’s been doing this the entire length of our relationship? he said that when he’s feeling down he can’t go to the doctors, as it will go on his medical records that he is depressed, which will affect the court case currently happening with his daughter. i have been seeing this guy for two months and we’ve gotten fairly close. he said she was just a fan but nothing more so i let it go for a bit. i saw that his profile was still up, which was a bummer since he said he would take it down and he hadn’t. – this doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship to me. i am just going to start dating other people and not even worry about it. you don’t want his profile up and that’s what i think you should have said. i met a man on match about 4 months ago, and things have been wonderful. even if a woman had been cheated on, the message would still be “i’d like to commit to dating you”. he said he was checking for my profile and was curious. has his ego been hurt that i was online when he had removed the earlier account? he has a difficult time discussing a lot of emotional things. he was sent to them as a mutual match and it showed that he was online that day within one hour after he had with me in bed the night prior. at the same time i don’t want to be a mug. in her case, it is very reasonable for her to expect her guy to offer some clarity on where he sees their relationship going. i mean, if he meets someone else online it’s not as if you’re exclusive any longer. he is in the army and when we first met he only had a couple days before he went to do a month worth of training. might be the case that you and your significant other just have completely different attitudes towards the way online dating sites and apps should work. she clearly let me know how much that hurt her. good thing is, it doesn’t sound like you’re approaching this situation in a demanding sort of way. i get that you can view profiles for free… but my thing is that if a person is into you seeing you more than once a week – nine times out of ten you have nothing to worry about… dating more than one person is not something most guys are good at and let’s face it… it is too damn expensive. i was very upset & contacted him – he came over & not only calmed me down but sorted things out for me. we met on a dating site and were surprised to find that even though we live in a small town we had never met. if it was important to her that you let her know the first time, i’d think you would tell her again. but what if he doesn’t… i cannot go on for years knowing the profile is there., if he’s going to say things like “you are not bound to him”, that makes me a bit nervous for you. anyway, he tells me that he doesn’t have the desire to talk to or see anyone else. jenn – i actually touch on this issue a bit in my article on when a guy disappears after a few dates. told me he isnt keen on that idea but at the saem time how he doesnt want to make them unhappy. he told my fake profile in his last email 2 days back that there was no spark between us & that’s why he kept it casual. i get it and i will be patient and understanding. on the other hand, i feel like i’m getting mixed signals re. i let it slide since it hadn’t been in use since 8 jan which was before we had met. he replied jokingly asking if i stalk him haha and that he didn’t know why because he turned off his roaming of data to not have a cost explosion. and he said he had logged in to show his friends my picture that i was the highlight of the weekend. if being online and chatting to other girls was face to face lets say and you met a man in this way. i really like this gy so i want to give him a chance to delete the profile of his own accord. up until meeting up, we messaged once a week, usually i messaged but he also did if i didn’t. then, he has been trying to sleep with my with no strings attached and even today he told me he misses me and wants me, but still sees people that he met on the site, but i am the only one he really likes… sure…. other times, you get hit with a case of fomo, or fear of missing out, and you take a gander at all the men or women you could be dating instead. then if it doesn’t, you could tell him a friend told you that she saw him actively online and you could ask why his profile is still active. likes you enough to want to see more of you. i was happy and i told him that and that i liked him a lot. that said, i do agree that in many cases respect is also playing a large role. it is being wise and mature to set clear concise boundaries to value and protect your emotional sexual health. to be honest the site was for marriage purpose, i have been in there for some time and gave up hope. i asked him playfully several times if he’d take the profile off he never gave answers. in the article above i recommended that you update your profile to show him you’re still active., the not knowing how to deactivate the account doesn’t fly and i bet if you deactivated it for him he’d get upset (well, from what you describe…that’s just a guess). he apologized and said that he did panic and freak out because he is afraid to ‘settle down’. would you be hurt if she did this to you and slyly hooked up with another guy? to get to the point here just like many of these other stories i felt something was off with him, i wasn’t getting the morning texts anymore. at the end of the day, i think everyone needs to make decisions that they feel are best for their own situation. ideas on how i can get her to talk to me? you’ve made a commitment to each other, it’s pretty clear to me. – honestly it’s hard to judge your situation because some guys just have trouble committing. and i get the butterflies and weebles, but it’s not like it’s a secret ballot. his last message was that he was going to send me a message the next day…but he didn’t. if after a week his is still up, you could try dropping hints: maybe mention that you took your profile down or talk about how you enjoy spending time with him. he asked me a month into the relationship to be his girlfirend ive met his family and friends. this will give her a chance to explain herself and you the opportunity to weigh all the facts before deciding whether you’re happy with where the relationship is headed. me, if a month goes by after you’ve expressed your concerns and he is still refusing to remove his profile then setting ultimatums seems more reasonable. we met later that day and he told me his friend had informed him earlier in the week that i’d been on it a bit and he was shocked and angry and that’s why he used this other profile. erica – i’m honestly not sure how you could get him off the sites barring getting more aggressive with him about it. have said to him that if he likes, he can continue dating but he needs to tell me, so that i can do the same. 20 minutes later he texted and told me i was far hotter’ in person. i have only been dating him 3 weeks, but i don’t want to be with a guy who just wants to string me along so i will wait maximum 6 weeks for him to mention something. you had the conversation about killing both profiles there is no excuse to open the emails or winks even now that you know the tidbit about the cookie auto log in i just told you about. he acts very much like a boyfriend but wait a minute he refuses to acknowledge the gf/ bf thing. i need a break from online dating so i’ve hidden my profile. is very kind of you to look for the best in this situation. when i didn’t hear from this guy till friday afternoon, i was in no mood to wait and was not happy and you can understand why since i had spent all my patience with my ex. coffee meets bagel (cmb): cmb is a dating app designed with women in mind.! it’s going to be hard to trust a guy after this. hours from where i live, so we knew that dating each other wouldn’t be that easy, but we also said to each other that we would make it work. i try to kind of ask, but he always makes me feel so stupid for asking, as i should (and think) i trust him. in an idealistic world, you’d be able to have your cake and eat it too. many men are seeking wives, not playmates and they’re up front about it because they sincerely don’t want to waste time with women who aren’t interested in long term commitments. low and behold, he had been online sometime in the last week, and had added new pictures. i shouldn’t have made such a big deal of it, but i was really hurt. he has no idea that i know about this site. if he can’t give you a straight answer, tell him where you’d like the relationship to go and ask him what he thinks of that. so i made up another profile to see if he would chat and low and behold, he started chatting and added me as his favourite! had not been on my profile since nov when we had the talk, and neither had he, but we didn’t discuss hiding or removing our profiles. about a week or so ago i ask him what we are. we decide on a break but it doesn’t happen. we hit it off straight away and i instantly felt so comfortable with him.? if this is the case, then ill do the same thing hes doing to me. days ago i was having one of those days where i was thinking about it all too much and letting it get to me again. does he seem like he wants something more with me? the same is happeningto me again so maybe next time i will try meeting someone who doesn’t have a computer as i am rapidly losing faith in meeting someone who is honest and loyal and can commit to one person. during that weekend we spent a lot of time walking around in the town where he lives, we had lunch and dinner in one of his favorite restaurants, and generally had a great time. maybe he’s that guy, but maybe he’s not. he say’s ok, but another few weeks go by and nothing. i have also made myself avaible for this same night. give the guy a little breathing room to figure out his own mind, and trust that someone who likes you will do what he can to let you know and reassure you that he likes you. i don’t want to be walked over, and i don’t want to turn into one of those girls who checks up on him…. he was bored, and it made him feel good about himself. i did ask him two months ago to tell me if he wasn’t interested in me he just had to tell me. and after a few mins said i needed to go. i told him i didn’t understand this plan since we had not talked yet. was feeling unsure (trust issues from being cheated on 2 out of 3 boyfriends) and so i created a “fake” profile (something i am not very proud of). there were quite a few other things we talked about, but that was truly a big one for me. he said that’s fine cos him & his friends would go back to the city in any case. when we were a month into our relationship i told her i was not going to renew my match subscription because i only want her. next morning he tried to cancel and i wouldn’t allow it.’s a situation i’d appreciate your perspective:Have been doing the match thing for a few months. i’ll replay some of the ugly stuff i learned about him like a broken record in my head and it gets me all tied up in knots again. he goes out of his way to text me just to say hi, good morning, or see how my day is going. for the past 2, months we continued to text just as much, we talked on the phone a lot less due to our now conflicting schedules, and we saw each other once every 2 weeks give or take a few days.” since then i’ve gone on twice since and seen that he has logged on twice since as well. easier access to women and men verses the old fashioned way of courting and meeting., i don’t think after two months anyone would accuse you of “rushing”. i was told once, when a dude knows he’s got you, you are screwed cause he will not invest then. even though i told him that was one of the conditions for me if we were going to live together. there’s evidence that he may be talking to an ex…. in other words, in many of the cases described in these comments the woman is put in a situation where she needs to force the “let’s be exclusive” conversation. be open minded, and if you’re confused or unsure, just ask the other person. i wonder why dating is so hard for myself but seems so easy for others. its long distance so we met for the first 2 weeks after talking and the date went perfectly, she even bought me dinner! i told him how i felt he was hiding me that he wasn’t taking me out to dinner or movies. he even had the brashness to say in his email to this imaginary girl (who was me): ” i am also very honest with my partners, nothing can be built on lies…. upset, he asked me later what was wrong and i told him. but revenge wasn’t sweet as he then sent me an email about his lack of self confidence and his poor self image and how it gave him such an ego boost as his mother never loved him blah, blah, blah, blah. if he’s never going to commit, wouldn’t you rather know now as opposed to 6 months from now? he said that he had taken his match account down, and i believed him.
. when i think back i am surprised to find that each and every time it was i who decided when he should have an opinion about me, i decided when he should take down his profile and actually i decided everything about timing etc based on my instinct and my feelings. and barely said much at all…this past week i got a bad feeling so checked the dating site where we met, and his profile (which wasn’t there a week before) was back up. hmm…i don’t think you should be looking for a way to blame yourself for his actions. i think we can both agree that no two relationships are alike, and that being in a relationship doesn’t have to mean the same thing it means for most people, especially the kind of people who believe in marriage. i told him earlier today that i had deleted my profile, “just to let him know”., i met a guy on match we were emailing back and forth for a week and then we exchanged numbers. went on a few ‘one date wonders’…lol…he reached out to me…. we still text once a week and i usually text first or he does if i don’t. if you’ve read a lot of my advice you’ll know that i do see dating one person at a time as problematic. when he tried to confirm, i told him i hade forgotten we had a date and promised lunch to a friend. i’m really freaked out about commitment – i love this guy and have a relationship with him like no other, he accepts everything about me, he adores me, is kind, gentle and makes it his daily goal to do things that make me happy. mean we are just getting to know each other, and it’s still very new, but since i had asked him if he is still on dating sites or talking to other women, i feel like he wasn’t sincere by telling me he wasn’t. the thing is he goes on his match account every day. it seemed as if we were back to where we were 🙂 but something got me curious and so i went on the same website that we met on thre years ago and there he is on line that day. so someone else will get to reap the benefits of my work 🙁. i wish you the best of luck – whether he changes his mind or not! i’d hope that if there was real chemistry, things could work out (cars or not). true, we did not discuss what sleeping together meant, but i did not think it was necessary to have the same conversation i might have had with a 30-year-old. have to admit, it’s been a bit tumultuous for me emotionally sometimes. in fact, he has since told me that he is actually glad i went through his phone and handled it the way i did with him (holding him accountable to it, ready to dump his butt, but didn’t attack him like the tasmanian devil). i also thought it was kind of weird but i felt that if he was okay with me seeing where he was and i had nothing to hide then there shouldn’t be a problem. and never be ashamed to check if that person has lied to you. i think you’d be better off talking about it now (assuming you can’t stop worrying) than waiting another four months and being miserable with concerns. he says he cares for me, likes being with me, and likes the way things are but i don’t think he’s committed to me. sometimes i feel that maybe we rushed into things a little too quick…. you might see them as something to use to genuinely try to find a life partner, whereas she might seem them as a place for a little bit of innocent flirting and a self-esteem boost when she’s bored or feeling low. he was still really, really insistent that he wasn’t looking for anyone else, and would look again at cancelling the sites. then a few days later he once again “ignored” a text. you two have ongoing sex in any form , have respect for yourself as well as her and anyone else you are whispering to in bed – and either become exclusive if its going well or let her find a man who knows her worth and would like to share life with her. curious of anyone’s thoughts on this…been going out with a guy i met online., and yes, i am angry, justifiably, moving preparations are expensive and time consuming. i guess the details of everything doesn’t really matter, i don’t trust him to be faithful to me long term, and i don’t trust him to be truthful with me. you can’t bring yourself to be more aggressive about the situation in person, one thing you could try is to also create a profile on the site (if he’s using a free one). he was so into me and i was into him, too. i told him if i ever considered dating another man i would be honest. in some cases, this could cause what he saw as a healthy, budding relationship to end abruptly. on one hand i am his emotional outlet person but he won’t commit. i removed my profile at the end of the first week or so explaining to him that it was my personal preference/instinct and that it placed no pressure or expectation on him. my membership came to an end shortly after we started emailing and i chose not to renew – i’m now off of the site, and he knows this. does he really think that i will be happy to settle for being his ‘she’ll do in the meantime’ girl? i had asked him about this issue a few times and each time he just informs me that he is not cheating on me or dating anyone else. if you’ve been on one or two dates and your guy still has his profile up, you have nothing to worry about. does it seem like he could be telling the truth? classes back in session, let’s get right to it! he even came inside to meet my parents (he was so nervous) but unfortunately, they went to bed before we got there. accidentally discovered that my bf had recently logged into his online dating profile. even if he’s not on the same page as you, at least you’ll know and can move forward. i think that might be a next step: to let him know that you’re very unhappy that he keeps his profile up. the first is that i actually find it really amusing and wish he would let me read some of the messages because i get all, “ahaha, ladiez, this wonderful man is not available! love it sasha…although i’m sorry you had to go through this. all of our contact – texting/dates, was due to his initiating – i never texted first or asked him out. in about another month or so, he will know for sure if he will stay here or be sent away, and we have agreed to talk about being officially exclusive at that time. where he stands may not be where you hope, but he should still know where that is! she says he’s on it regularly and this evening while he’s texting me on the phone, she calls and says, “he’s online at match right now”. day 3 he texts me and apologizes for his coldness and tells me that i don’t deserve that. last weekend we were supposed to go out but i got tied up and i told him and he was pretty bummed. he said he hates the fact i always have to leave and wishes i could stay at his place all the time. continued seeing each other and finally i just told him that i had made it clear in my profile that i was seeking a long term relationship and that he had indicated that in his profile as well. other words, many of the guys who claimed that they never used it to meet women were probably telling the truth: there were few women for them to meet. would you be at ease knowing that if you are looking online you cannot give the relationship a chance? i said it was up to him (i want him to take it down because he wants to not because i want him to…) i did say that him keeping his profile active made me feel that he wished to keep his options open and that if he wanted me to feel that way then to carry on. i have also noticed that on his computer he is getting on another site and looking at personals, mostly from other states. we had talked about it over the phone and via text message and it left me unsettled, but talking to him about it face to face has made a serious impact on how i felt. he goes online every day brad yesterday he was online in the morning and in the evening. boat here…been dating my guy for 11 months now – we are both 42…. his only real response to all of this is that he is a different person now than he was then. he is sending me all these confusing messages and i am afraid to bring it up again since we already had the talk. now, his social media already setting private and i can’t do anything unless messanging him. he said ‘no’, he said he had posted those pictures to see if i would notice, and because he was curious to know if i had been online lately, which he saw that i hadn’t. that i will want to continue in the same way knowing he is looking/browsing for someone else? don’t think i’ll ever hear back from him. he then says, oh, i thought it was because of me. that’s why i am confused of what to think and do now……. on sunday he told me he thought it was harmless to email though he was only seeing me. i told him that if he had indicated all he wanted to do was date around, i’d never have gone out with him because i was looking for something more serious. don’t center it around whether or not he’s talking to women online; focus on the reality of your in-real-life relationship, and where you’d like to see it go. he hasn’t asked to meet since i just nodded at his suggestion. that’s what’s really going to tell you where this is going. the assumption that guys see things just as women do is risky business…especially if you are rapidly ending relationships based on that assumption. yeah, it would be nice if when he got the “hi” email if he would have said to himself, “oh, that reminds me, i should hide my profile! he just asked me something else, i answered and then he asked me to send me a pic and then i answered “for what? – i don’t think expecting someone to be honest is being “needy”. i said that he really should think about changing that if his goal is simply to date around. we had the most incredible night (no intimacy) and i felt so so so comfortable. but for some reason – i am resistive to be ‘all in’. it’s the first time i’ve met someone like him. 6months we decided to meet up again finally and it was just incredible! i was thinking of sealing the deal the second time we see each other. neither of us had an official discussion about bf/gf labels yet, but i wasn’t in a hurry for all that stuff, as everything truly felt great and was going so well.”, he says he was already feeling that way for me, but this whole incident deepened it for him. there is simply no viable, reasonable, acceptable response he can make – even if, somehow, he has not met any new women since “committing” to you,” argues katz. so it concerns me when i found out that his profile is still up and he goes online like pretty much everyday. or maybe he’s doing this to get my fake profile girl. none of this one foot in the bed and the other on the floor while exploring options. may not like the answer you get, but i think being 100% clear on what you’re hoping for in the relationship (especially since you’ve dated for 5 weeks) will be better than trying to be sneaky. i should probably mention that i began sleeping with him very early after first meeting each other, but that did not mean i was serious about him or wanted a commitment. i met someone online a year ago and we started dating six months ago. temporarily disable your profile and make a decision to stop tracking his online activity. notice shes still going on this same dating website we met on ( i had taken mine off since we met) but this worries me so much that i asked if she still went onto the site and she said she did. i realize every situation i’ve read is similar but i also know the answers will differ i appreciate any insight you can offer.” ( he’s talking about my profile) so that bothers me since we haven’t had the talk yet. initially struggled with online dating but over time became quite successful using it. i’m not too sure because he was willing to have a baby with me if i let him, deff not ready now! later that night i noticed he had taken his profile off and i was very happy. he asked to meet so i suggested lunch on saturday – since that’s a harmless, friendly thing! even after three discussions and several screenshots as well as telling him how to delete his account and how to bury his cookie email tracks, he still could not resist. i texted him and said that i think if he wants to take this relationship seriously as he says (kids, marriage, moving in together, etc) then it’s probably a good idea to delete the profiles. anyway, last week his sister had been awful to me and i was home alone and upset. one thing bothers me though, his profile in the dating site is still active – though he told me before that he rarely checks or chat with women in it. can someone, please explain to me what is going on because i see it as one thing and one thing only, i am being deceived in a very cruel way as he is clearly preoccupied with pursuing other women on dating sites. i met my boyfriend (i think) on plenty of fish in july and we’ve been hanging out, having fun since..and during all this, we are both still active on the dating sites…. when a day ago he made a point in asking me how it was going on the site. the next morning i asked why he always tried to meet me during weekdays and he said it was just a coincidence cos his weekends would get so busy. the time august 2014 (now one year of dating), he was spending every night at my house, we practically lived together, even though he still had his own home. we have yet to have a real exclusivity talk and have not talked about our dating profiles. checking out who messaged you gets to be a habit, does it not? that moment i realised i really do have feelings for this guy. so i know this is wrong but i decided to make a fake profile using my sister’s photos since she lives in another country. i would really like him to come to the realization that he needs to delete it himself! i think if you start to have those conversations it might lead more naturally into an “exclusive” conversation. and then i saw that he actually had been online in the last 3 or so days. after that i did what any respectable women would do and i deactivated by online profile. also that he got to go and wished me a great day and that we would talk soon. relationships are a worrying quagmire of “do they like me? i had spoken to him several months before we met. i brought it up with him, as i couldn’t pretend i hadn’t seen his profile. might not be helpful but at the end of the day you can only control your choice. second, the idea that he can’t delete his profile because he only logs on from his phone is silly…it take 30 seconds on a computer to remove it. gatherings out of state, day outtings with his kids, hanging with his other friend couples (he has always introduced me as his girl), spending long weekends together…. then, one day, out of the blue i decided to see if he was still using the dating site and he was online and chatting with girls. don’t start making a demands on the 30th day just because i suggest a month as a good measurement. since we see each other daily (he gets mad if we don’t) i just don’t know how to deal with this anymore and its taking its toll on me. so i took a week to decide if this was someone i really wanted to be in a relationship with because we both have kids, and i wanted to make sure that if i commited i am doing so with the intent that i will stick around for awhile knowing we will start to integrate with the children.“he thinks “yikes, why is she monitoring my online activity and acting like i owe her an explanation for it after a few dates?. after fighting about it for weeks he’s now saying he’s going to delete it but when where together to do it… because as soon as i saw he had his, damn right i put mine back up and he said i did it out of “revenge” …. met a coupld more times and then slept together, its not something i do easily at alllllllllll, it just felt right at the time. – i don’t think you’re reading too much into things. however, i know has has a dating profile because a few weeks after we started dating my friend who uses the site told me she saw a profile for him. across the country, today is the first day i haven’t heard from him at all, even though i’ve made several attempts. did a very filtered search on the website and discovered a replica account without a public picture. both accounts are still “active” technically, but there hasn’t been any activity on either. he feels like he has a ‘clean slate’ now, and can see that he absolutely wants to be committed to me, he said quote “i’m all in! then he tells me since he had been in relationships up until now, he’s just not ready for a full on relationship’ and that he likes checking when he’s bored. if she says she’s not comfortable with that because of her past experience, i’d try to be understanding. as a matter of fact, making an issue of things at this point could create a problem when no problem previously existed. i think that conversation will help you learn pretty quickly whether you think it’s worth giving him a bit more time or whether it’s time for you to move on. and as i touched on earlier, i do think it’s reasonable to demand respect from these guys. out of boredom i signed onto the dating site where i met for the first time in a long time. i did confront him to discuss it but now i realise i did so – not to understand him – but only with a view to declaring that he had failed, that i don’t ‘share’ and therefore we couldn’t continue in this state. i don’t know if i believe him or should believe him.
What To Do If the Person You're Dating Still Has an Active Online
find someone who makes things easy for you, not hard and stressful. long story short, he came and picked me up from the club i was at and he knew i was upset with him. any other girl came to me with the same dilemma, i’d tell her the exact same thing dating expert evan marc katz would say. frankly, don’t care for it for a multitude of reasons but it has been a good vehicle in which i have met some terrific people. he seems to be just perfect, everything i was ever looking for. ideas on how i can get her to talk to me? i have no idea how he’ll respond and whether he wants to keep seeing other people, as he had stated his doubts about our relationship before when we broke up. that was the last communication we had, and i am kind of glad that i didn’t say anything about the badoo profile, but i am now feeling uncertain of what really is going on, and if i should leave it for now or until he comes back in october? said ok, that i would hang in there, but i asked him to please be straight up with me the second he doesn’t feel like this will go anywhere and he promised he would. is fabulous to have a weeded out process available in this day but the downside is evident. and how much can i really mean to him and can he really love me if he keeps doing what he knows hurts me so much. she is now mad at me because she thinks i want to date other people and i am just like the other guys that hurt her. is not too much to ask that a man put other girls aside for the moment but sometimes it’s important that you explicitly ask it! he held my handhe put his arms round me and we had a lovely time once more. i finally told him he need to set up a specific date with me where we could go out and talk about this stuff together and privately. he finally set up some time for us to talk, but i was frustrated that at this point, he had already given his landlord 30 days notice. she showed me the profile and it said he was interested in meeting women for dates. rather than sneaking around, trying to piece all the information together, you really should just come out and ask her exactly why she still has an active dating profile. a relationship can be whatever two people decide it to be, at least that’s my belief., why not hide your profiles so other people won’t contact either of you? i keep creating these scenarios in my head and i know i shouldn’t. he’s told me his biggest fear is missing the boat’ as in not getting married and having kids at a decent age. he still makes updates to his site and says he is single and “looking for long term and short term dating. i would be eternally grateful because at this point i feel as if i am going crazy. or is it just time for me to deal with the inevitable conversation? i told him that it hurt to see him on the site and that i felt that everything was going good and i did not understand why he was on. i did that, but no response…he claims he fell asleep. i checked online today and it said that he was online today. he had planned romantic trips for the two of us, we were together practically every day, we went on family camping trips, i met his parents several times, he was talking about future stuff with each other. we just launched cmb premium, featuring our first-ever exclusives for…. she is now mad at me because she thinks i want to date other people and i am just like the other guys that hurt her. i’m happy to say i accomplished all those things and with support from my best friend, decided to start dating again – but i was certainly not looking for a relationship or to get serious.. but at the same time i cant understand the need to have a conversation with guys on a dating site? a few days afterwards i got a text telling me that he got crazy news and that he couldn’t tell me now but would call me after work. i stupidly rang him and asked if he wanted to be with me. that for the first time since his divorce, he is ready for a full on commitment, and that it just took him a really long time to get there. he asked for my msn and said he is getting on with me shockingly well………. – have you tried talking with him about this more aggressively? question: do the same mechanics apply vice versa (woman continues to browse the onlinedating site)? but you choose how you act on those feelings and think about the effect your actions have on other people. yet my gut says there is something not right about his profile being up still. however, if we use your examples of the real world versus online dating (and really a case that you appear to make that they should operate more similarly): if it were the real world instead of online dating wouldn’t you have been more firm that he shouldn’t be talking to another woman/making himself available to other women? again, i calmly asked him about this, and he seemed genuinely confused. i have never done online dating myself but because of my boyfriends profile i now log in under a fake profile every day to check his activity. ok he says, let’s talk about it, then we get interrupted by one of the kids and never come back to the topic. a couple months ago i started to have a “gut” feeling that he was doing things that he didn’t want me to know about. well as it turns out, that wasn’t actually true. he’s saying that since the people who are contacting him put in the effort to contact him, he should respond to them. he takes out so much time from his busy schedule to skype with me, which he initiates a lot, and he drove to see me and paid and was a huge gentleman. he had cancelled his membership (and told me he was doing this) about 3 weeks ago. i meet this guy on a dating site 3 months ago and we do have feelings for each other. i like to stay chill, but it’s hard when the person i deeply like and have put a lot of time into isn’t willing to sacrifice his current dating life while i am.’ve checked and he’s not been online since i mentioned it so hopefully it’s made him think. if i had met him at the pub, i would have met his friends & seen his place..But i dont feel easy with that… its difficult… because teh date went brilliantly. ever since then i can’t think about anything else and i still feel sick to the very core, i just want to know why he would do this! if she does respond, you’ll feel hurt and things could get awkward. he knows that i will soon be going to live where he lives soon because that is my plan (even before i met him) – which is four months from now. both of us even changed our status to “seeing someone. wanted to write you before i did anything to freak him out the way females usually do. i feel that could be taking a toll on our relationship tho. he was very attentive towards me & was making plans to go to football games with me. he said that he is very much excited in seeing and dating me, and already planned on where we would go. it’s just what always happens to me and i really would appreciate it if you would tell me what my next move should be and how this should turn out/how he feels and what he may be thinking. he never checked to see i made it there or home safely, and hasn’t really been in contact the way he was before i left. i kept my profile on there because a) there’s cool quizzes; b) there’s a social network there (both through journals and forums) and keeping membership was the easiest way to maintain some friendships) and c) there’s a setting for ‘seeing someone’ in the profile. i reacted instantly – saying the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results (i was talking of myself) and of course a few other choice words……. your situation is a little different because it sounds as if he didn’t have a dating profile when you started dating but now he has one (? saw each other every weekend and we would stay the night at each others house…i trusted this guy, he made me feel loved by his actions. spent most of the night talking to be honest with you. you enjoy each others’ company, enjoy the same things and over the next month or so you start to date more seriously. i didn’t realize that by cancelling an account it just meant that your subscription wouldn’t renew, not that your profile wasn’t still active. obviously what you describe doesn’t sound good (in the sense that it seems like he’s telling you one thing and then says something online that is different to your “sister”). lots of dates, exchange of christmas gifts, meeting family and a lot of his friends. we text when we aren’t hanging out or he calls on lunch, and he is always talking about our future with my daughter. texted me when he was out with friends, letting me know where he was and that he would call me once he got home etc. i know it’s fair game and it’s just a first date, but i can’t help but think this way. which btw still says “singe” and “actively seeking a relationship”. why is he window-shopping for other women when he says he wants to marry me? so it’s been three weeks now since we agreed to be exclusive but he still have his profile up and checking it. he kissed me and looked at me for a second and said, “hell no! somehow the first person i decided to have a conversation during my most recent fory turned into a good date, and now a good series of dates. the monday after a long beautiful weekend, bam, he is online. i’d say that long of “exclusive” dating should be long enough for someone to know if they’re ready for that step. i’m scared because i think i’m already falling for him. if you use that approach with him, i would hope it would go pretty well. again 🙂 just clarifying that the part i wrote about him telling his buddy he ‘sort of has a girlfriend’ and that ‘he is trying to behave’, was over a year ago – that conversation did not happen 4 months ago, i got my dates wrong…too much confusion, right! i thought wow he really is an honest guy, what a catch! month 4, i told him i was really enjoying getting to know him, and that my feelings for him were growing in a way i had not expected, and realized that i had reached a point where i would like to include him more into my life and allow him to meet my children (they are teenagers now). all that wasted time waiting for him to make the right choice only to have him start dating someone else. i had been on a few dates from the site, and was just about to lose interest completely when i met him. later in the week he asks if i had any cancellations and i told him i hadn’t. i really do love him and want to be with him, everything would be great if i could just figure out how to get him off those sites. this after he had spent friday with me & had told me he never shares his bed with anyone. that talk goes something like “hey, i really like you and i’m pretty sure i don’t to date anyone but you. i told her i recently gotten an email and deleted it but i have not been on in a long time. we met later that evening and had a good conversation where i told him to ask the next time. we dated for two months before we became intimate and i just assumed that we were exclusive. i was hurt but more disappointed because he told me that he would never hurt me like my ex s did or any man before him. regardless of the challenges faced, i want someone who brings out the best in me – and he brings out a side of me i haven’t seen in years that i love.? and do u think he is using me for sex ?? i felt suspicious but right away he said he wanted to do friday or sunday. and he said that we are always together and i am always there, so he just started loving me i guess. i just asked if i had anything to be worried about and he said no.?Recently, i started dating a man i began to realise i really really liked. then i can still look online and see that he is on those sites almost everyday. once the “exclusivity” talk came up (from my end): i asked if he was still on that dating site, because i took my profile down about two weeks after we met. i’ve been dating a guy now i met online for almost four months now. it takes is one act of unprotected or oral sex and a habitual liar with high risk behavior to expose you to a lifetime of emotional and physical problems. we spend a good deal of our free time together, he’s met my friends and family (he has no one here, but his family knows about me), and we have an amazing time whenever we are together. 2 weeks before move in, i just couldn’t shake a funky feeling i had about the whole thing. we talked a lot about what we want in life, our values and dreams, and they match almost 100%. i tried to start a conversation but he said sorry but i’m going out soon. realistically i believe that whether or not he has paid for a subscription, if he is interested in me – then he shouldn’t be using it! and i don’t care how innocent it might be, it still hurts. the end, i chose to believe him, forgive him, and continue our relationship. i have some serious trust issues from being cheated on in past relationships, but i’m trying not to let that cloud my judgement. you’re not sure how to approach it, i’d basically let him know what you told me: you feel bad for snooping but you were suspicious and now you’re very hurt by what you found. are you ok that you may hurt both of you because opportunities come easier and in catalogue style online? but i must say his profiles up still really bother me, especially since we have been intimate.. i brought up the subject and he insisted it was nothing that he had an app on his phone and would click on it when bored but that he would remove the app. i know i’m reading into it but i’ve been in abusive and bad relationships and i just don’t want to be used and hurt again. i recently started seeing this guy and we met through an online site a long time ago but we just started talking through facebook. if i were in your situation i would feel a mix of hurt and anger. a month is enough time to decide if you want to pursue a relationship further. i was upset since according to dating norm he should have paid. 4: you’re just not sure if she’s still actively online dating.’ve heard your feedback: you asked for more control over your chats with the ability…. i dont know, but the last time i tried to have an indepth discussion about something with him he said i was “pushing” him and we broke up for 2 weeks. if you think this is annoying i definitely understand but i would still encourage tact when you try to resolve this issue. – i guess i don’t understand what the difference is between being exclusive and being boyfriend/girlfriend. he seems like a great guy, and the compliments are flowing but something is off. asked me about it in person i said i was checking his profile. was dating a girl pretty regularly, seems like it was a fwb situation, but they both clearly felt more for each other and wanted more, but couldn’t seem to make the situation work for their lives at that point yet. i’m headed to a wedding across country and he’s not happy with the fact that i have a date. so, while perhaps this seems immature, i got gussied up big time and decided to go out that night, knowing we were supposed to go out together later on. a man can frame it any way he likes, but the simple truth is that a man doesn’t keep his dating profile up unless he wants to keep his options open. is us women risks a lot of emotions right away when by fact we should be more objective in the first place. needless to say, he has trust & commitment issues and i am understanding and patient…. they like having women contacting them…even if they are rejecting all of them as it makes them feel desirable. again he didn’t pay for me he has never paid for me and i don’t run up big bills max but he won’t. have been seeing a man i met online for almost a year now. i asked why he was online recently, and he said it had to be a mistake, that he must have accidentally pushed a button on his phone that logged him on without him even realizing it. we were casually talking about something and he slipped something about the site and i asked him: “wait, are u still on the site” he answered that yes he’s still on it but it’s “just there”. ultimately he said he thinks we need a break for a week or two – that things were getting messy & the last thing he wanted is to hurt me. he kept his profile online and then during a period where he was busy he removed the profile. you could continue to date him if you want, but if he says that he loves you but refuses to take down his profile even when he knows it bothers you…well, i find that very concerning. so as that sixth week approaches, i think it would be best if you let him know that you’re bothered by his profile still being up and see how he responds., i think you should have been more honest with your guy. he even told me that the first time he saw me he knew he’d marry me one day. i played stupid and said i had thought that was the plan from the start.
We are dating but he s still online
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i got a strange feeling in january 2014 that something was just ‘off’. i confronted him with it, he did not just blow me off…. i told her i recently gotten an email and deleted it but i have not been on in a long time. it’s not clear to me what you’re trying to figure out…. i am not sure if i can handle knowing that he is with me and others. this point i don’t want to even mention to him that i’m aware he’s quite active, especially on match which my sister says allows for various forms of communication with people unlike the site i’d met him on, where his original profile remains active. then in april he tells me he spoke to his 19 year old son who was still living at home but looking for his own place, that the game plan was to be out of his house by june 1st, that is when he would be moving in with me, so his son better get active in finding an apartment. met a guy online from okc in january 2014, i was evicted 6 weeks afterwards for violating my lease after letting family members stay with me. we laughed so much, i couldn’t even remember when a guy made me laugh like that!, if you let your account expire and can prove that to her, that means you can’t read or reply to any communication so there’s really no risk of your profile being there. until we figured out what we wanted, he was free to do whatever he was going to do, and i was free of driving myself nuts wondering about it. have the exclusivity talk, and be nervous (it’s a nervousy thing, being vulnerable enough to like somebody)…but you don’t need to sabotage yourself. today morning his picture is public again and he’s been online every hour 🙁 i have deactivated my account since i don’t want to bother with it. and if he doesn’t want to get more serious, the fact that there are seventy billion people posting pictures of themselves online won’t be the reason. i’m just hoping if he knew he could talk to you when he’s tempted to do something silly like this, then maybe he wouldn’t need to go through with it. to me, he sounds like a guy who can’t admit when he’s found a good thing and wants to keep his options open…but this sort of thing is only going to make his life (and yours) more difficult. nothing amazing has ever come out of those four words. but then he did a complete 360 less than 24 hours later. the worst part is that he is doing this while i am sitting in the same room, but hides what site he is on!! now i’m really starting to panic – so without hesitation and with some authority, i look him straight in the eyes and tell him in front of everyone – ‘that is not a for sure thing yet, as we still have not talked about the details’. about a month ago exchanged really great emails, texts, calls. guess i’ll be renewing my membership in the site where i’d met him since i did talk to a couple decent men there despite having had little in common with them but, who knows, maybe i’ll get lucky. you have agreed to be exclusive, things are easy: you just need to ask him to take it down! met an amazing guy about 2 months ago and we decided to only see each other. a week goes by and it still says active within 24hours. he refuses to let our relationship status to be known publicly and i’m not allowed to post pics of us together on my facebook and tag him nor make it known that we’re together. my friends think it’s too soon for me to bring it up and think that i should be making the most of the online dating world by seeing other people too. we have been seeing each other, twice a week for 7 weeks now. it proved to me this is someone i really want to be exclusive with. How do you tell if he is interested in dating you exclusively?. my friends usually ask me for advice and yet i can’t seem to think clearly for myself. i’ve logged on occasionally to read messages people have sent me and browse out of boredom, but i would describe myself as no longer actively looking. i asked if his feelings changed at all towards our situation. so, i put my profile back up today and i am not going to tell him. i then handed him the piece of paper and headed for the door. i check his page (because it’s viewable to the public) and he’s made several modifications today. i deleted mine because i was sick of the in box messages and found someone (him) that i really liked. This week: what to do if the person you’re dating can’t quit the sceneHomeonline dating bloghis dating profile is still active – is he interested or not? i hope he comes around to appreciate what he has instead of worrying about what he might be missing out on! we have been calling/texting each other about everyday since we met online. but i hate it that he responded to her like that. we did have the talk of being bf/gf and being exclusive.. i dont want to be pushy and annoy by bringing it up again. he helped with my car, helped paint the shutters of my fathers house, my father is getting old now and it meant so much to me, he even helped with other things around the house, he said he “liked to take care of me. a fear of commitment, soaked with very, very committed conversation and feelings? this infuriated me, and to my utter shame i called him out immediately. surely… surely it means he is ‘not really that into me’ etc. but i strongly suggest that you go with “hey, i really, really like you and dating you is making me really happy and hopeful,” vs. i felt kinda hurt even though we aren’t in a relationship. and he went on to say he thinks we may be meant to be together but struggles with being unsure. – it seems like you feel there are two options: deal with things the way they are or push them forward. i’d love to hear how things turned out if you stop back!, as you mentioned, you see him signed into the dating site only when you are also logged into the dating site. a man doesn’t use online dating for anything other than it’s intended purpose – to meet new women. i’ve been dating this guy for 5 months now, we spend every weekend together. we talked for hours and both expressed how comfortable we felt talking to each other about any topic that you can think of. i also had a gut feeling as it had happened to me previously. for example, at the end of a nice evening together (especially if the two of you are commenting on how much you enjoy spending time together) you could bring up your concerns on not knowing where you stand in the relationship., it is possible that he just likes getting emails to stroke his ego and isn’t looking for a relationship. if you can’t get a guy to commit to date you exclusively (and especially if he then lies about it), he may be a giant waste of time. he promised that was not his intention and again said he would take his profile down, but needed help because he couldn’t figure it out. you don’t get to the good parts of love without going through a little bit of that. was really keen to see a pic of me so i showed him a few not too close up, he kept asking for closer pics…………. he claims a friend must have hacked his account as a joke and that he still wants stuff to work. when you bring up the fact that his profile is up, do you tell him that it bothers you? he probably doesnt even kno that i love him or that i still want a relationship with him cos i try hard to act calm and cool with everything…. then even though my fake profile kept telling him i wasn’t interested he kept asking telling me i (real me) was ok with this since he’d been ‘honest’ with me. i talked to him about it that night, asked him if he wanted to date other people, etc… all the questions other women on here have said. occasionally joke on how we get emails in our personal email accounts saying people are still trying to contact us and we should probably take them down because we feel bad that people are trying to contact us especially when you open an email in your personal account because it shows that you have read the email to the sender even if you haven’t logged on. i recently signed up under a fake profile and tried to wink and favor him.” and that will probably not be the effect you want it to have. i generally do believe he does like me but he is just either not wanting to be hurt again so taking these easy or he is seeing other women. recently, we met up for the first time and we hit it off pretty well. whenever he said he would call or text, he did, and in situations when he was held up, he would always let me know. i think there might be a third option which would be to do a little of both. he gave me a key to his place also and told me to stop by whenever. it started with us emailing back and forth a few times a day for a couple of weeks, then it progressed to phone calls – some of the calls lasted 4+ hours. his last email he said he was thankful to me for giving him the kick & the confidence to get back out there. whether he’s just checking until it expires or he renewed after he showed me the cancellation it still means he clearly isn’t that into me. actually, he kind of chased me online for a week before i gave in and talked to him. a man leaves his online dating profile active, what does it mean? i called him 3 times when i was off work and then it started going straight to voicemail… not sure if he turned the phone off or what…. i told him ill give him space but at the same time i wont wait for him. we are talking and seeing each other, he met my friends and even introduced me to his. he wanted to take things slowly and was not ready to commit to a relationship though he liked me a lot and did not want to stop what we have. he also tells me that he hasn’t told any women that he loved them since his ex wife – and they have been divorced 11+ years at this point. some online dating sites have a lot more than just “dating” going on on them so i wouldn’t worry too much about this dude’s continued perusal of the site right now (in addition to everything the captain said). when i saw him last night i casually (on the outside) mentioned when deleting my profile that i’d seen he was still going online. but, last weekend over in the same friends house she told me that his profile is still there. you are risking stds,emotionally injuring people who deserve respect and maybe losing out on a really good person. who’s to say there aren’t other profiles out there that i am not even aware of? he might still be treating your relationship as a casual thing and assuming that you are too. ‘dated’ a few guys when i decided to try the online forum. come to find out that she was actually his online girlfriend. i hope we can talk tonight but im so confused about where i stand and don’t know what to say to him. i told him i’m a straight up woman if he wants to explore to just tell me and that i hoped he finds what hes looking for and someone who loved, respected and appreciated him as much as i did, this set him off right away…. just finished it on the assumption that he had had plenty long enough to decide if he liked me a little bit or not. i began dating, i realized what fun i was having with it, even if a date wasn’t great, i just loved getting out there and meeting new people and discovering things about myself and relationships that i hadn’t before. he said that i was making a big deal out of nothing. he claimed a guy he worked with asked him to check out and see if his wife was messing around. it doesn’t work out, you have options, and the same good qualities that made this person like you will attract other people. initially he asked me out first few times and then ive been doing it since. thought through all of this for a couple of days before i brought it up to him. if you really want to find out if she’s still using the app, you could ask your friend to reach out and see if she responds but we wouldn’t recommend it. know it is difficult to address this issue but i do worry that if you don’t, in the long run your daughter could be hurt more, not less. he wants to have the best of both worlds — that of being single, and that of being in a relationship — which now leaves us at the point of either breaking up or renegotiating the terms of our relationship. had put my profile back on and started looking as well. and then he asked me to accompany him to his brother’s girlfriend’s b’day. tell me, am i just being used until something better comes along? the second is that he’s actually met friends through the site before, and so on the off-chance that he has an opportunity to make more friends, he’s not disabling his account. we are 4 months into the relationship and he still says he’s scared of commitment. he calls me every good name in the book, such as “baby”, “my girl”, and the works. i would also like to include in here that she has sent him text messages from her phone, and is talking about setting up a date with him. just wanted some suggestions from you about moving on or should i still date him as it really bothers me and also when he tells me that he doesn’t know what he really wants. guys are just passive, so it’s hard to know if there’s any issue here. we can’t meet up often because we don’t have cars, so that plays an even bigger role in me worrying.” doesn’t have to be confrontational, just you getting clarification on where he’s at. we have gone on trips, and had wonderful dates, he told me i’m just the girl he’s dating. he said the past few days had driven him crazy & we should cool it. i have not confronted my boyfriend about this online dating profile yet. i took my profile down and never asked him if he did or not. you both have a profile on match and have been intimate on more than one occasion, one or both of you should step up to the plate and discuss the options. the same story on above, i had the same story. a little reminder on what they’ve already found could do some good…and if it doesn’t at least you can be confident that you need to keep looking for the right guy. on monday he was supposed to call me but he went to the gym late which he normally does and said he would let me know if he wasn’t too tired for a call. channel that anxiety into work or school or exercise or art projects (but not art for or about him, aka, feelingsart). i know he likes me cause his actions shows it. i’d hope that he’d respond positively and remove it. the only interaction i have had with match is when i open to delete the wink/emails sent to my personal yahoo account. – it sounds to me like you were exclusive at some point (at least in his mind) and then later, without you knowing exactly why, you stopped being exclusive (again, at least in his mind)..Keep in mind it wasnt more than extremely friendly and jokey……….” and submit it to the an(n)als of online dating! we started seeing each other initially as friends – we have a lot of shared interests – and then one day he jumped on me and the relationship became increasingly physical. article, and i found it because i am in a similar situation and really need your. kinda confuses me…but i have created a fake profile on the same site with no picture and said that i don’t have any kids and made myself 2 inches taller and also put that i live in the town i grew up in.’ve been dating the same guy for 4 months and today i asked him where i stand and he is not answering me back is he hiding something from me. he may like you, he may love you, he may be into you but…. his last message though was that he was going to message me the next day. he says he loves me, yet aout three weeks ago i asked him where he thought our relationship was headed. he might already think of the two of you as exclusive (at which point you’d want to talk about taking any profiles down if you want to be exclusive as well). then i saw just two months ago he was texting w/ his buddies about have spring time itch again. i guess my thought is that some more time together could help convince you both that it’s a good match (or not) and then all the wondering wouldn’t be required. i know you can hide your profile when you have an active subscription because i’ve done it so don’t let him try to convince you he can’t do that either. my situation he is now an ex for a reason. online dating was an avenue i hadn’t tried and i was curious! i guess you could mention to him that your friend told you that she saw his account was still up and you could let him know that you’d feel much better if he hid it. he changed the city to the town he used to live in, shrunk his height by 2 inches, and hasn’t put up a picture. lw, you are 3 weeks in, and it sounds like things are going very well! i believed him and since we had such a great and easygoing time with each other, i just went with the flow. then instead of apologizing he yelled at me for knowing. i’m a member of ok cupid, and have been throughout one long term relationship.
Ask Dave: Gay & Lesbian Love… My guy is still online!
well, he apparently took me requesting time to think as pretty much a break up. it’s a sacrifice i’m willing to make for him – something i never would have done for anyone else. i told him i appreciate his honesty and that if he still wanted to ‘date’ (not spend nights, yada yada) while we both date others, to keep our connection going, i was ok with that. he is still getting messages from other women on there and i told him that she accidentally hit it (i didn’t even act mad) and he turned it around like it was me and said i was probably snooping (this time i really wasn’t! think you have every right to be upset and concerned. i know he was clearly a player – is it possible he is a reformed player? and no a guy views dating so differently to us that it can only be expected that removing his profile is repeatedly a delayed occurrence., based on his responses to your previous questions, i get the feeling if you were able to prove he was using the services his response is going to be a strong one (and to me it seems like the wrong person is getting angry! just want to take the time to say thank you very much for your insight and guidance. it i looked to see if his profile was still active and it said ‘online today’.” he took my hand, placed it on his chest which was beating as fast as mine and said with a smile “it’s what happens when you’re falling in love” a few days later, he updated his headline on pof to “undecided” —- i dont even know what that means. let’s just say that hypothetically speaking another attractive women sent him a message to his profile. to hear your experience went that way kelly…i promise not all guys are bad though! anyway he’s told me he needs time to himself. most of the time, you ignore them because you’ve been seeing this new romantic interest pretty regularly. i want to be with someone who is at least sure enough to put all the other girls in the world aside for a moment and give the relationship the attention and respect it deserves – for however long ‘it’ lasts – for whatever ‘it’ is. once he wants to commit, you’re willing to commit as well.. he told his fwb girl ‘love you’ in a text, and that was a little over a month after we first met. whether his behavior was “just” ego-stroking or serious looking doesn’t matter–i found it repulsive and a waste of a mature person’s time. he suprised me first thing in the morning with an execpected visit, we went to a braves game that we had scheduled a week before and then he invited me to spend the night at his place. i don’t know what to do, put my profile back up, question him again or what. doesnt seem like he is committing to the relationship or caring about my feeling the past few days. are some very interesting posts here and you give great advise. we chat and video call almost everyday, and our emotional connection just gets deeper and sensual.’m not sure i follow cathy – did you meet him a long time ago on a dating site but now he’s forgotten? should i be worried or should i just take it easy, breathe, and see how the next 2-4 weeks go? i would just be concerned that this type of game could continue for years. i recently confronted him about a woman on his facebook that was posting pics of him and about how much she loves him. there was all these messages from the dating website that we meet on. what if this other guy he sees has a car and they meet up regularly? however there are more things apparently he’s saying that i didn’t tell him “i love him” during sex which was odd to me because i have in the past, i even brought him breakfast the last time i saw him…. approach it from the stance that you want to understand where he’s coming from (but also that you think you should be taking the profiles down). you meet someone online and you start spending more and more time together, the last thing you’re thinking about is your online dating profile, let alone updating or deleting it. here we are, i have doubts and feel uneasy about the whole thing. we proceed to see each other two more times, before i went on vacation for 5 days to cancun (alone). i don’t like to come across as the vulnerable one & dating commitment phobes in the past has made me tougher so i don’t want to bring up a conversation of where are things going or mention his profile still being up. he kept me in the loop of events for the following days until he finally left for turkey, and we spoke before he actually got on the plane. live in hope that not everyone is the same and that there are genuine men out there. begin to open up more about how you feel but with no expectations or demands (at least not in the beginning). i asked him if things were still good because i really wanted things to work out between us. almost feel as if i am growing walls around my heart so i don’t come out……don’t people build walls to not let anyone in? he talks marriage, knows my ring size, and talks about our future and potential children. 1: his profile is live but you’re not official yet. if he has such a disregard for your feelings, then he isn’t going to be the most compatible partner for you in the long run. either way, it’s better to know where you both stand. about three months into dating, i knew i was starting to fall in love with him and i was bothered that his profile was still active, he would be on at least every other day. set up some boundaries to lessen (not eliminate) the likelihood of this happening to me again. i thought everything was great his parents know all about me i’ve met his friends and some family. we like to do a lot of the same things, have the same smart a** sense of humor, both enjoy mind games (of the fun sort), have a very acttive sex life, laugh a lot, ecr ect…. i then asked if he was still on the dating site and he said yes. anyway, i wasn’t worried about the profile as we were only a few weeks into dating so i had just forgotten about it. along really well communicate during the week and he comes over even when he is exhausted just to see me wants to meet kids and his kids we have had 6 dates and wants to go out from the beginning not to b too serious go slow and asked me two weeks ago to settle down didn’t really answer him but told him i like him. could be you find out he or she isn’t as into the relationship as you though. i haven’t said one word about it since but i am wondering how long to wait. maybe wait a week or so and see if the profile comes down on its own. i’d say make a point to sit down with him and ask him where he sees the relationship going. cmb premium to see exclusive feedback on bagels’ chat activity. the responsible party is the man or woman who has to open those emails to stroke their ego or satisfy what they think is a harmless curiosity. don’t be too quick or demanding in your desire to define your relationship…be willing to give it time and allow it to grow naturally. was noticing a few things even when i’d be around his neck of the woods and invite him to join me and my friends he wouldn’t. he answered back telling me that he knew i’d been online too. stop fooling one another with the notion that we should not have expectations. we actually had a very serious conversation about the future last weekend, and ours seems bright. she said all the right things and we spoke of only being interested in each other. things were going great and he asked me to meet him on thursday. i know that when you are dating you should do this but i just can’t and he said he was the same.’s what i suggest: have an open, clear conversation with him about the kind of commitment you’re looking for. i hope we can remain friends but understand if you don’t! i made up a fake profile and decided to check to see if he would respond. toughest part about being in a relationship is knowing when to call it quits, especially when it’s not something you really want. i’m sorry, but it does sound like it’s time to move on. we are at the point when we say i love you every day and we are often talking about marriage. we saw each other at least once on the weekend and would text, email, im and phone throughout the week. but he didn’t pay for my lunch just gave me the change for his coffee. seems really into me, seems genuinely happy to hang out with me and to really want to hang out but we haven’t had the exclusivity talk and i am honestly not going to go down that road and fish for information for another 2-4 weeks. while he’s not being asked to marry or make babies, he is being asked to stop looking to date other women. a message that makes you ask yourself “what fresh hell is this? he however did not, at first it did not really bother me.” he goes, “aww 🙂 you like me so much to delete it. i am one to not talk with other men when i am a few dates into seeing a guy, but we aren’t to that place of discussing taking down profiles yet., often online dating doesn’t match the real world and i think that in some cases waiting for the commitment/respect to happen naturally is going to be a frustrating experience. if you can share your body through sexual contact (which is clearly intimate contact), then you should be comfortable enough to have the talk about expectations. i don’t know if he’s been online or not but should i be worried?***ladies please,i know this is very hard to understand and comprehend and digest, but plain and simple if you have been in a relationship with a guy and it has been over 2 months or so and he has told you that you are exclusive and that he does not want to be with anyone else, yet he still keeps his profile up even after you have confronted him… plain and simple, the guy is not that into you!” just so i could see when he’s online (not to get a response. i found he was still on there, not just on there, but online now and he had added a new picture with a shirt that i got for him for christmas. i’ve talked to a lot of women where this type of situation can drag on for months only to see the man start dating another woman. have offered her to check my username/password to see that i do not have a subscription, told her to send me winks/emails to test it, want her to check her email message and see if her status changes, offered to call match to show my log on status, and now seeking advice. and if the car situation didn’t exist, is it likely you’d find another reason to worry? when we first met he was so into me calling me all day and making his way to see me whenever he had free time. i have read what you have written on this subject and i know you said that men are slower to remove their profiles than woman – so my question is how long is reasonable to wait for him to do this before you say something or begin to feel offended by it? i’m pretty sure that my wife would be upset if i flirted with other women and told her it didn’t mean anything or that it was an ego thing. i think you getting your profile down and then asking him where he sees things going is the best thing to do. he told me he was going away for 2 days for work (this is true), so i took that as a hint not to text because he was busy. tell him if he’s going to continue posting that he is single and updating his site, that you are too and you are also going to start seeing other people.?If you want someone committed to you, this doesn’t sound like the guy. met him on pof in august 2013 and to be honest, i had just started dating again since my divorce 6 1/2 years earlier.” about a month later, i was getting annoyed with all of the, “hey, someone’s checking you out! with a few men but didn’t have the desire to take it further than friendly chat……. a friend advised me to keep dating other people, but i’ve never really worked that way… but i do feel i need to back off a bit from this man. he evenetually wanted to come visit me within a couple of weeks of chatting. cos he seems to think of me when he’s down & out! hes very loving and affectionate which completely goes against the grain of him being emotionally closed off. do with online dating site, so…what had this punk done? i know, because i have a friend that is on the same dating site and she keeps me updated, unfortunately. i kinda already mentioned about this… i dont know how to play it. the other day i did have to make a little remark where i said, you know…i know you arent in this for the long hall, (i only said this because when he told me he loved me, he also said…”this doesnt mean i necessarily feel i want to spent the rest of my life with you…wtf? i tried to explain to him i want you to see where i’m coming from, that i was so shocked and hurt that he did that…. i assumed he got cold feet and freaked out about the ‘exclusivity’ talk we had. he said he loved me for the first time and i said it back. know it won’t be easy but if he refuses to commit himself to you i recommend keeping your options open. i don’t know how it got to this point. last week we went out for meal, he came back to mine, we slept together again, he went home that nite, he txt me as usual to say he got home, we said it was a lovely nite and then good nite to one another. sometimes we can fall head over heels in a short amount of time and simply assume that the same thing is happening to the other person. also, you might want to ask him why he wants to keep his profile up if you are using words like that. since we met, i’ve all but stopped browsing on the website. he could’ve at least told me upfront instead of brushing me off and beating around the bush. we chat/txt evey day without fail, he has been to my house few times now but i’ve never been to his.. i hope it’s not too late to get a response. am a woman in my early 50’s and i have been dating my boyfriend who is a year older than me for about 8 months. he told me he would remove his profile and that he was so sorry he upset me.. im not proud of myself but again it felt so so right, i had fallen for him through all these months. occasionally joke on how we get emails in our personal email accounts saying people are still trying to contact us and we should probably take them down because we feel bad that people are trying to contact us especially when you open an email in your personal account because it shows that you have read the email to the sender even if you haven’t logged on. i understand his schedule because of his work demands as a nurse, but there’s this feeling inside me that makes me feel a bit sad and worried because it’s been almost a week since he last called me. i just think i could get hurt if i asked him where things are going more so than if i just moved on, perhaps if i contacted him less he might get the message…. its called self control or let her go find someone who will value himself and her enough to not open those tempting emails and winks. he tells me to look after myself and tries to make the goodbye casual and jokey…. we have a great time laughing, joking, talking and we both have told each how much fun we are having and how excited we are to see each ofher again. asked him about this, and told him that while i had no wish to pry into his personal life, the question for me was whether he was looking to keep his options open for now, it being early days. i met my boyfriend on an online dating website years ago. this might come off as being too ‘charming’ or ‘player-like’, but it’s actually not. being crazy about her may not be enough if you have to check your match winks and mails.” four words no man or woman ever wants to hear at any point during their relationship. over the course of the next month we continued seeing each other and had several attempts at “the talk”. we’ve skyped almost every night for 4+ hours a night, and we text all day. he always tells me that he loves me deep down but i just don’t know what to do anymore. first, the idea that you calling his phone or texting him would drain his phone battery is a lie, although i imagine he’s going to use that event if pressed on why he’s not talking to you. i have already backed right off and only texted him yesterday after not hearing from him since my birthday which was 4 days before. i knew it was going to be tough but hey, it was only for a few weeks, and we promised each other that everything would be fine, that he would be fine. i added however, i know he wouldn’t take advantage of my kindness, and that i want him to feel hugged and to stay safe and alert out there.… i guess the question we all want to know is: what is in a man’s head that makes him think / or not even think at all i guess from your comments? after 6 months of dating, he still introduces me as a friend to people he knows when we go out. but my daughter has this thing where she loves to look at his pictures and since his phone is touch screen and she is only 3 she sometimes hits other buttons, well about a week ago she opened his browser and ended up on the exact dating site i am talking about. we see each other once a week since we live an hour away from each other. he’s never given me a reason to not trust him, when we aren’t physically together he calls and tells me where he’s going and what he’s doing, we talk and text daily, and he’s told me that i make him happy. admit the date was perfect but i had bit of committment issue to because i got hurt in the past and due to this i dumped him on the third date but we quickly patched things up. i do hope to hear back from you about my situation, you seem to have solid and sincere advice. if the person you’re seeing insists on keeping his profile, ask that he makes it clear that he’s already in a relationship. as it turns out, he continued to see his fwb through mid december, sometimes he was ‘with’ both of us on the same day! this of course, hasn’t cancelled his current 6 month subscription. but he said we were going to hang out all day but now we cant.
The 12 Biggest Online Dating Red Flags everyone and a while i would get on his phone or computer and check. he can get you a hotel room and take you on a road trip but logging into a website and removing his profile is beyond his time and resources? things are well, but i’m still struggling with it all. we spent our first valentines together and he met my family. only that, but the sexsearch profile showed that he had been active on it in the last 5 days. and hes always cslling me, we spend every moment together that we can. i asked about it and to his credit -it is an old flame and he hasn’t been on the site since april. until now, nothing about him has bothered me at all, and i would hate for this to ruin what could be a great thing. as i’ve recommended to others, it may be best to talk with him about where he sees things going. 5 days later – screen shots proved he had just been online and active. i never saw another email, there were no text from random girls, or phone calls that seemed weird. when i text him, he always replies right away and we text until i get tired. there are times when we could hangout mor, but he doesn’t want to like i do. as we are very up front bout most things in general. to make a long story short, he and i are perfect together in every way but, there won’t be a fairy tale ending where we live happily ever after, not after tonight. then in febuary, i was at home and i needed to use his computer to chek and email. i’ve seen this with some regularity talking to people over the years and while i can’t say for certain, that might be what’s going on here. is women’s history month, so we’re celebrating women all month at cmb! we haven’t talked about exclusivity yet, because i think that it’s too early to talk about it and that i might be putting pressure on him, but i don’t want any games or be fooled. lemres – i’d try to be patient if you can bear it..I add him on a new account and he gave me an email address i didnt even kno about. 3: you’re putting a lot into the relationship but he’s still using the app. i don’t get why he texts me those things saying what he says and then not give me the time of day. i would talk to him: let him know you want to be exclusive and see what he says. you both have other options and know that you do. i have been told by a close friend (who is male) that i need to be chased and show him that i am not at his beck and call. if the two of you have worked out some understanding on a difference between exclusive and girlfriend/boyfriend, isn’t he still headed towards breaking that agreement? it would be the same thing to me if i asked a woman to date me exclusively. i’d suggest you suggest to him that you meet out his way – if he responds positively and wants to meet, things are probably fine. i did let him know that i would have cell coverage in mexico, and if he’d like to say hello he could. i’ve been to a work picnic once but haven’t met his friends . he had not dated anyone else, and i believe him. i guess i’m writing because it seems like we have a good connection and that he likes me (he even told me so) but he hasn’t made a move to discuss exclusivity and he doesn’t seem like he’s interested in giving up his profile. i have active accounts on the on line sites as well but its been months since ive even thought to look at them.. which is solely his decision… however i have the right to vocalize my thoughts which is what i did… i would never tell him to close his account and also to those of you that are upset that you man has his account out there… how do you know unless yours is out there or you are still online? – sorry for the slow response but i would agree with rachel. i am a relationship girl – cannot do this casual/fwb stuff! i asked if we were exclusive and he said yes. that said, given how you two talk i would expect it to be down very soon (within the next week). he also said that he would fetch me in the airport. they are not looking out for you if they still are checking out the menu while proclaiming they are crazy about you. coffee meets bagel coffee meets bagel (cmb) is a free dating service that helps members make meaningful connections. i have even offered to show him how to delete it but that conversation always ends quickly. people don’t fall in love with each other at exactly the same moment. i’m not sure that the man you’re seeing is being kind enough back. he always will have one job and continue to look for a bigger and better job even if he has no intention of leaving the one that he has. jenniferpapril 16, 2012bad internet dating, captain awkward's dating guide for geeks, dating, overthinking it, reader questions. the fact that you had to fight about it for weeks is a really bad sign too. find it very difficult to give advice on this topic because there are often so many things going on that i can’t really predict. it’s only been five dates over three weeks, but to me it feels like i’ve known him much longer. i asked my friends boyfriends/husbands (some of whom met my friends online and some who are or have dated online in the past) they all confirmed clearly that if the guy dosn’t remove his profile voluntarily following the moment when it is obvious you are both moving towards proper committment (and not even ‘by the time’ you have committed to exclusivity verbally) then it is clear he is not entirely certain about you or he is not entirely ready to committ to a relationship. we agreed that we’d tell each other as soon as we slept with anyone else for health reasons. – i need to wrap this up, it’s way longer than i meant for it to be! i could see that most of the time he would try to set up a date with her first, and then me when she couldn’t. i think having the talk on this will clear that up and if he still won’t take his profile down, i think that will be the sign that something is really wrong.! this after he tells me he’s the luckiest man to have a great catch like me. i don’t know if i should give him more time or move on to find someone who is more committed to me. it’s early may, and we’re spending mothers day with his parents. he checks his emails in front of me and i didn’t think much of it that he still got emails from another dating website and he had said he couldn’t remember the password. we tlk veryyyyyyyyyy veryyyyyyy often and i guess i havent mentioned being official in maybe 7 months :s maybe i should again? when i was stepping out for a smoke he told me ‘if things gets serious, i’d like you to quit’ & i told him i’d do it for him. really do get on very well, which is why i’m hanging fire at the moment. but feeling like he needs to keep his options open for a little longer. week three we went out and he said the big “l” word to me. when we are together his behavior to me in without fault and amazingly caring. abruptly changed his mind because he suddenly “didn’t feel it” with me, i had a sneaking suspicion something. is not a river in egypt and you can do a non member search to check if he or she has lied to you before. he starting to show signs that he is interested in me and i am meeting his friends already and its been 2 weeks of dating. it hurt so badly, and it made me feel extremely dirty and disrespected that he would mess around with me and talk to others the same day. if he continuously finds an excuse not to meet again, i’d be more concerned. i messaged him on my friends proflie and he answered very nicely that i was pretty and he was still looking for a relationship..but between the texts and the online dating profile still being live i am not sure what to do. it has been another 2 weeks after that conversation and his profile is still active. the first time i asked he claimed to answer an email without logging in to a woman who asked him a business related question. today comes by and not one text from him all day. if you don’t get a response to that you’ll definitely know something is wrong.’m so grateful to have come across your article here and am impressed by the fact that you’ve continued to respond to commenters for over 4 years now, wow! i try and not let these things effect me but of course they do from time to time, my friends are always telling me i need someone who is going to be there for me…a superman…and yes this guy has understood things, told me i could talk to him, however recently their was another family episode and my guy wanted “a break” ok. again, not with any type of ultimatum, but i’d let her know that you’d be interested in concentrating on dating each other exclusively. said he was hurt that he’d hurt me and that he never had any intention of actually meeting anyone.! around the same time he texted & i started sending very cryptic responses. just met someone this past weekend and we “hooked up” for a few days and it was nice…and i find it weird that he still emails me on the site seeing that we have had such a hot weekend… i have stated that i find it weird to communicate since he and i have each others phone number and i also stated that i date one person at a time and that if he chooses to continue looking that is on him…. i’m no saint though i go on match too but i’m different and it bothers me he uses it that much. i have a date today & i did mention to him on friday night that i had a date then. maree – i think from a guy’s point of view it can be, at least in some small part, a commitment issue. i think you should let him know that in the next few months you need the relationship to change: either he needs to fully commit or the two of you need to go your separate ways. i still think its about respect… and not so much about committment. shed some light on thisand please tell me what i should do. he said that he doesn’t use it and doesn’t care about it and was planning on taking it down. so if he doesn’t take it down within the next week, and i approach him about it again, wouldn’t it come off as pushing? i wish these readers had written me beforehand because this is often the worst approach to take (at least from this guy’s point-of-view). i’ve developed some very strong feelings for him and i feel that i am making the right move in continuing to see him. we both said that we had a great time after it was over. are you both okay having profiles up and options available? in the begining i didnt have a problem with him still being active on the site cus it was early days, i was still on there too. sweetie won’t let me delete my okc account because…i’m not sure why. so i began “snooping” and found that even though after 6 months he was still using the dating site that we met on, but he is doing it from his phone so that i can’t check. few days later i log back onto the online chat room we met on seven moneths ago, i made a new profile and he was online…………., if my wife told me that she put an online dating profile up because she was a pisces…that wouldn’t fly with me! he just got out of a marriage filled with anger. i am not checking up on him anymore cos that upsets me. also, he is seeking a long term relationship and he loves love as i do (from what he’s told me). obviously the profile is not “just there” and obviously its not there for his friend’s use because he is putting up pics of himself and updating his own info. should i just chalk it up to experience and walk away? went to a spa, it was beautiful and we ended up staying the night together…….” i honestly thought i had found that person, especially when he finally agreed to delete his online dating profile. he brought up my fake profile but i told him i did ‘t want to talk a put it cos i am still hurting. so, after two months and three weekend-long visits/dates, but knowing that he is slow to commit, when is a reasonable time to have “the talk”? so he doesn’t feel weird and lonely being on it? i then said well, it is partly because of you, i am not interested in talking to anyone else while i am getting to know you. know this has become a long message, but i really hope you find the time to reply.!Are you new to online dating or looking to improve your success using it? he totally denied that he was on the site and could not see how the picture got on it. he was like im sorry, i should of told u that i changed it as he was getting lots of messages and girls asking him out, so he decided to change it! if you say that again i’ll put a sock in it” also, with a smirk, playfully. are there guys that such a statement is true for? i am such a great catch then why lose me? not in that place to talk about exclusivity but one thing that i find bothersome for me is when i see he is online immediately after i’ve left his place or he’s left mine. i did bring up exclusivity but he said isn’t it too early? is going to sound weird and maybe a little conceited, but i’ve never been the one in the relationship to like the other person more than they like me. we went a few days without talking over the last 2 weeks. know other men who do this sort of thing, i am no stalker, just keeping my heart in check here. a few weeks ago we got back together or at least started seeing each other again and were saying the l word and he said that he didn’t want to sleep with anyone else, so we were monogamous. he may indeed have settled on you as the person he wants to date more exclusively, but needs a little time to politely phase out communication with other people that he genuinely likes. i want to trust him, and i have… but i found out that he still visits his datig profile regularly. i want to take it the relationship slow too but i also don’t want to be seeing a guy that is looking for the bigger better deal. i expressed the same feelings and we planned to move in together two weeks from now. do think that approaching this with caution is a good idea…you don’t want to come off as if you’re obsessing. as it turns out, he was talking with other women – don’t know if he slept with any of them, but he was definitely out on the hunt.! snatched my phone out of my hand said he would ” f me up” if i went on a date with another man even though we’re broken up! questions to you are these, one thing that sort of bothers me is that we are exclusive, however he only hid his profile. why did he feel the need to tell me it was down? the things got escalated pretty fast and basically we end up sleeping on a second date. i have checked a few times by searching users on pof and each time i see his profile it says he has been on that day. almost everyone who has success with online dating will have some time where they have a subscription but aren’t using it…assuming they meet someone. not ask it through time spent together or the hope that he’ll make the right choice or through milestones that make it obvious to you that the two of you are exclusive. first off, try to figure out when was the last time she actually used the app. (this is because my 20 yr old is here still and this way we can have alone time. they also indicated that to open an email or wink from the service from the associated account would show them as online. he said that he hadn’t been on that one in months and didn’t even remember the login – even though it said he had been online literally right before i called him. i reminded him how his friend spied on me – he now says it wasn’t his friend but he himself..so along along he was active and looking for talking to, meeting up with other woman. however, it sounds like you’re going to want to move the relationship to a bit more commitment sooner rather than later. opened a convo, i spoke to him like i normally do and we got on so well but he did notttttt kno it was me! i can’t say which one it is but i do think if he’s keeping his options open you’ll really want to do the same thing (and not just saying you are to convince him to stop). told him i understood as he is just newly ‘out there’. he doesn’t have a problem with it and i obviously don’t either. i would rather have someone that challenges me and pushed me to be a better person every day, and i intend to do the same. have been dating a wonderful woman for over 3 months that i met on match. captain awkward,I’m a serially-single female in my mid-20s who has only been in two relationships. how he hates the fact he makes me feel the way i do with all this.
21 Dating Truths We Need To Realize | Thought Catalog and that he stays online because he is afraid of closing all doors and just be with me, the first woman. oh, and he officially asked me to be his girlfriend in february. my profile was still up i did message him while he was online and made a little joke about him being there one day and his response was that when people make the effort they at least deserve a polite ‘no thank you’…but that’s been a month ago. i tried to give it back last week and he told me to keep it. the daily matches argument/excuse is about as weak as they come. met my current boyfriend online a couple months ago, he kept mentioning thing about me being his girlfriend so 2 weeks ago i asked if we were together and he said yes. i messaged a guy on a dating site and we texted for weeks before finally meeting up. and i think what you’re saying is that what really bothers you is that as soon as you’re done spending time together he’s on the site, right? from my snooping, it seems that he’s been talking to another guy that day i wrote that message. and some guy clued me into my city’s queer softball league through a message there. i got my revenge though and set him up by using a friend’s profile to catch a great big rat (and even though it was me he was writing to he still lied and lied and lied) and i caught him out big time. he said he wasn’t doing any of that on purpose and i was wrong to think he was intentionally doing those.! i said i really like you and have knocked back dates from others too as i was seeing and sleeping with him, he said, he knocked back dates too!, you’ll probably want to check out my previous advice on this topic. we chat and video call at least thrice a week. yet after telling me he loved me, i guess i just figured we were forming a more serious relationship. have offered her to check my username/password to see that i do not have a subscription, told her to send me winks/emails to test it, want her to check her email message and see if her status changes, offered to call match to show my log on status, and now seeking advice. since our relationship has been a bit all over the place for these months, should i have even brought up the topic? i felt if he was into me then he would without asking him to. i have a question, i have been dating a guy that i was introduced to by my sister. to turn things around he tells me he likes me very much and misses me when he’s gone. so what if as an experiment you tried communicating with a few more guys at the same time. that being said, almost 100% of the time when i talk to women in this situation they want to follow the advice your friend is giving you: lay low, wait it out. just as some people have trouble committing, others are far too quick to try to do so. he met his wife using online dating and has been giving advice and helping people improve their results since 2007. we played around in the snow like little kids, cuddled, watched a movie at the theater, and got shakes. ms curious – i’m not sure anything is jumping out at me here as requiring a lot of worry. i told him i like the idea of living together, but seriously needed to talk about things before it could actually happen. i work so we are together when i get home in the afternoons. i asked him if dating or seeing somebody and he replied he is dating here and there and kinda seeing someone but nothing serious. the next day he says he went online and couldn’t find me. it would not be unreasonable for him to feel a bit miffed that you’re checking up on him behind his back; you are. if hes searching for something better which i feel is the case as much as it hurts me im not afraid to be alone. we had plans for friday but he said the weekend was best spent with friends. said, she has let me know her prior bf cheated on her the whole time they were together. on sunday (and i knew he was going to do this) he cancelled saying he had to go to meet his folks for lunch he didn’t even reschedule. of december, it seems his fwb girl pretty much cut him off. the goal is to find a guy who will both say and show that he cares for you. he immediately guessed my name – so guess at this point he’s only seeing me.” but i wouldn’t fault him much for looking at the fake profile. but i knew i had to be supportive and not dwell on my fears, so i did the best i could to cheer him up and not burden him with my worries. i feel awful doing that but once i saw it i clicked on it. i deactivated my pof online dating acount 2 weeks ago as soon as we discussed that we were dating. he said no, and when i asked if he is talking to other women too, he also denied and said i don’t need to worry because we are good, we are having a great time and that he is being honest.?Any suggestions on how to deal with this now am i just wasting my time and just move on? at this point, assuming you’re right, i’m not sure what other options you have. but i like him alot so just waiting to see if he’ll make contact. if you do it without anger, i can’t see how he would object (although i think your anger was appropriate before). also, ladies, exclusivity is a trap for women and a benefit to men. while i agreed to casual & laid back – and only cos he said he’s just come out of a relationship & doesn’t want something full on (and i have too but i am ready) i did not saying anything about the seeing other ppl business. then about two months after, i went on the site with my friends user info and searched for him. – my personal opinion is that you have every right to be concerned. i do need to sit down with him face to face and ask him but i just never seem to have the confidence to do so as i worry i am being too demanding. but it was shocking to see what all he had been doing during that time and i was completely in the dark about it. i love him but he wont commit, using this family thing as an excuse i guess, but then he still is online tlking to random women whilst keeping me in and out of his life? i asked why and he said he wasn’t really feeling the site etc. i decided the other day to go on and delete my profile since we’ve declared each other ‘mine’. it’s designed for busy singles who want to find something real with little or no effort. i couldn’t but told him to drop by the club where i was going with my friends. i let him pursue me and after two and a half months of being with and seeing eachother every single day and night we decided to be together in a relationship. no one wants to feel like they are being bullied into a relationship. and transparency are vital in a healthy relationship i feel for you. if i want to check on someone i just use a friend’s profile to see when they were last online. i’m nervous that if i were to message him from that fake account he would indeed respond. i told him i wasn’t upset but that it weirded me out and i need a partner i can trust. i also have a feeling that he won’t text me tonight. that, both of us (individually, this wasn’t something we had agreed to do or asked the other to do) changed our statuses on the dating site to “seeing someone. after 6 weeks of talking non stop via text, a few phones calls a week, and seeing each other no less than once a week i brought up the “where is this going” talk….) – i’m glad my thoughts were helpful but at the same time i don’t want to come off as if i was saying you were “wrong” in your approach. so i can see how the boys would struggle to manage that and think that continuing conversations online harmless… it is an enormous confidence booster, flattering to receive attention and the thrill of first dates really good fun. so as our conversation goes i knew he was referring to me the girl he was seeing. is true that lots of people set up online dating profiles without ever taking action or using them to meet someone. he asked if we could pick up where we left off…. i know it’s annoying but he’s being open about it and i don’t feel like anything you describe is “shady” (yet)..the “needle in the haystack” ohh that makes me so mad. if a woman had emailed me after i met my wife, i probably would have looked at the profile even though i knew i’d met “the one”…i think sometimes it’s more about wanting to know who was interested in you as opposed to pursuing them. he seemed to show a lot of remorse, and made the comment that ‘he was a dirt bag’. we ended up sleeping together and he spent the night at my place. but if this is good and is making you feel good? it was identical to the match account he had (still has actually, but there’s been no activity for months). he knows that i will soon live where he lives because that is my future plan (even before i met him) – which is four months from now. before all this i knew we have a whole lot in common and there was a lot of chemistry and sexual tension plus i really like him. might be something relatively harmless (such as an ego thing and nothing more). i know he checked his email and eventually he did look at the profile, but he did not take the bait and respond back. he hides his friends list on facebook and has changed his relationship status from “single” to hidden since he asked me to be his gf. i apologised for my amnesia and told him i’d be hanging out with a friend at a pub after work and if he dropped by i could get him a drink to make up. i treat him so well, cook, clean, and care for his kids but yet i seem to have no standing with him. after a few hours, i tried to message him and he ignoring me and didn’t reply it at all. i feel like i maybe scared to trust him, cause i am just so tired of a heartbreaks. this required him to travel like 3 hours to visit me where i was at that time…. or to try and keep a friendship if we cant hav more maybe? i am in my late 40s and was seeing and sleeping with a man in his late 50s who i learned was very active on the dating site we met on. i was living in the belief that he had deleted his site and i didn’t even doubt him about it for a second, sine he had promised me he would. he said he is so excited to date and see me, and already planned where our date would be. once i texted him he was quick with his response and asked me to come over to his suburb. people who like you will act like they like you; it will be easy to communicate, to make plans, to talk about stuff. this online dating drama made me push him & drove him ‘crazy’. in looking back, he never specifically agreed to be exclusive – i made that assumption that since we talked about it, and then continued to see each other, then that was the agreement. there where little things that happened when we first started dating that i didn’t concern myself with too much at the time, but now i felt like i had to get resolution about those things if i was really going to make a big commitment like this with him. i will add that he texted me at the end of our first date to say he had a great time and proceeded to text me everyday after that. but if there’s an ultimatum, i think it’s only fair that he know about it! – i think it’s likely that he’ll find another excuse, but you can explain to him how to hide his profile: log into match then click profile then settings and then set the profile to hidden. that weekend we texted each other every day and spoke about every other day, since we both have time consuming jobs. we have a lot of common interests and have so much fun together, but have had a couple of awkward conversations about exclusivity and where this may be heading. why would a man want to keep me as his friend after he knows he’s messed up? if he still doesn’t make the right decision (taking his profile down), i think you may want to consider putting yours back up as well to see if you can find other people to date. we met on a chat room site back in june. we just did our first vacation together, and he brought up that how can i not trust him after we just did all that, and we’re so close bla bla bla, we’ve come so far….’ i had so many answers to that question like if he liked me as much as he said would he still be looking at other girls, or how do i know he’s not talking to others? the emails he wrote to her were very flattering and he said beautiful things to her just like he did when he first met me and how he wanted to meet her and possiibly have a relationship with her.’m definitely not defending what he did (i disagree with it and think it was wrong of him to do so) but you did get a much better response than many women: he removed the profile quickly and i think he was a lot more honest than most guys in admitting that creating it made him feel better. i have never seen a guy so keen to listen to me in my life. he said that i have trust issues and that he is not doing anything or talking to anyone else. we are both almost 30 years old, and i really want to believe him. is it something i’d want to make as a general statement for men (or women) in general? friends all think he seems to really like me… i hope s too. he told my fake profile to understand that he’s looking for a ‘soulmate’ – really? i have met his family, he has met mine and i have come to love his 2 children ages 6 & 9. he says he is, yet i’m not so sure at this point. i am protecting myself from a man who had to answer an email to some woman on a dating site to be respectful.’m confused because things haven’t changed since we met. a day or so later i really kind of had a moment where i texted him asking him if things were ok between us because he was being distant. if he came across the profile of the woman you’re dating and asks you about it, it could get a little weird. 4 units so busy but he bought it to my attention that he saw me online previous day. fortunately, things have been wonderful and things just keep getting better between us. seemed we were perfect together with him professing his love and talking of marriage. a lot of guys (this one included), the clarity at which a woman is able to say something exists isn’t clear to us at all (and i speak as a married man who has conversations like this from time to time with an exasperated wife who just doesn’t understand why i don’t get the obvious). i understand not wanting to fight and dropping it but his excuse for being on the site was pretty weak…. are you ok with having sexual relations with one another while your profiles are active? i was on my way home when he texted & told me where he was late on friday. he had a couple of messages received – one of which was from my fake profile. he wouldn’t make out with me that night – he said ‘i don’t want your friends to think i only come over for one thing’. trust in that enough to give it a little time. he said his profile was up but that he hadn’t been checking it and he hadn’t found time to take it down. in the beginning we talked about being interested in each other, yet if someone comes along whomakes us happier then we would understand as lon as we were honest with each other. i don’t buy it for a second, but in the spirit of trusting him, i went along with it anyway despite my own common sense. i am not asking the guy to committ to me and plan weddings and babies. i would dump anyone who made it clear they were monitoring me in this way this soon into a relationship because it communicates “needy and controlling. this would put our “relationship” on hold and already up to a tough test. we were out with his family and friends yesterday and i just happened to catch a text message on his phone that said “what are you doing babe” to the very same girl. surveyed 832 coffee meets bagel members to find out what singles think about valentine’s day, what they…. said he is only seeing me and i shouldn’t worry…but…should i? now im starting to question if i should stay in this realtionship or go. re-enable your profile, let him know that you no longer consider your relationship exclusive but you hope to continue to date him, and then start looking for other guys to date.’ve been dating a guy i met online for almost six months, but he won’t delete his online dating profile. i know he’s someone i’m ready to commit to, to explore a relationship with. he is now back on the dating website daily again. the risk of being lied to is higher online because it is a catalogue of sorts. i texted him yesterday and he said that he “saw” my text but was “super busy and forgot”. he has written a free online dating guide to help others find success with online dating. towards the beginning, we decided to go withthe flow and see where this relationship would go.