The guy I'm seeing is still using dating sites. What should I do? | Life
#229: You must chill (online dating edition). | Captain Awkward
i generally do believe he does like me but he is just either not wanting to be hurt again so taking these easy or he is seeing other women.” he told me i was being needy but that he wanted to continue seeing me, but not be exclusive. we did have the talk of being bf/gf and being exclusive. i decided the other day to go on and delete my profile since we’ve declared each other ‘mine’. a few days after i posted, he and i went to lunch and had a serious talk about it. so as that sixth week approaches, i think it would be best if you let him know that you’re bothered by his profile still being up and see how he responds. a friend advised me to keep dating other people, but i’ve never really worked that way… but i do feel i need to back off a bit from this man. i got my revenge though and set him up by using a friend’s profile to catch a great big rat (and even though it was me he was writing to he still lied and lied and lied) and i caught him out big time., as with other situations discussed here, i think it’s totally reasonable to expect real commitment at a certain point and it sounds like you’ve reached that based on what you describe. while he’s not being asked to marry or make babies, he is being asked to stop looking to date other women. he went bananas and said he was crazy about me. he keeps saying he just gotten out of a relationship & do is not ready. i took mine down right away and i just figured he always had his up. you’ve made a commitment to each other, it’s pretty clear to me. out of the blue, i got a curiosity about the profile situation. he did many kind and loving things…though he no longer does them. i asked him if the text was for me & told him to call me. until now, nothing about him has bothered me at all, and i would hate for this to ruin what could be a great thing. the end, i chose to believe him, forgive him, and continue our relationship. – if i understand correctly, you’re saying that if he doesn’t decide to take his profile down in 6 weeks then you’ll not talk with him about it and just end things? i called match to make sure i did not falsely accuse him of being online if he was not. admit the date was perfect but i had bit of committment issue to because i got hurt in the past and due to this i dumped him on the third date but we quickly patched things up. know this has become a long message, but i really hope you find the time to reply. i guess it could but it might just be a schedule or habit thing (like something he does before bed) so i’d try to not read too much into the timing. there’s evidence that he may be talking to an ex…. things were going extremely well and i have never been happier. is there a way for me to bring this up that will not result in the “relationship” talk? on sunday (and i knew he was going to do this) he cancelled saying he had to go to meet his folks for lunch he didn’t even reschedule. it doesn’t help that he’s been in many long-term relationships and doesn’t do one-night stands. he says he really likes me and is into me and still getting to know me. last weekend we were supposed to go out but i got tied up and i told him and he was pretty bummed. he’s a great guy, doesn’t have much friends but come on… i’m not sure if i’m being too stubborn. since i see he’s on, i browse my matches but very rarely wink at anyone and don’t message people back (in all honesty, i kind of got sick of online dating and had just tried it because it seemed novel until that feeling wore off). wonder what he’ll think when he sees his fiance’s new profile there. since then i have been the happiest girl on earth and i am so in love i have never been. i know he likes me cause his actions shows it.. but i can’t relax with her until i know. in my heart i feel that when a person man/woman is in a serious relationship on line dating sites should be out. i’ve planned to take her to do painting of an ocean area with an artist and then a picnic. he did, when we spoke i said i was upset, i just seen his profile and how it changed and we were literlally with each other hours ago. we talk on the phone most nights since we are busy and live about 45 minutes away from each other. it’s one thing to say someone is the only one for you, it’s another thing to actually live that out.”, he says he was already feeling that way for me, but this whole incident deepened it for him. we our going out again which we’re both excited about. does he seem like he wants something more with me? i’ve don’t a ton of research on this and cannot find any explanation of how a dating profile can show recent activity if the user has not been on for supposedly over a year. How do you tell if he is interested in dating you exclusively? if you can share your body through sexual contact (which is clearly intimate contact), then you should be comfortable enough to have the talk about expectations. i really do love him and want to be with him, everything would be great if i could just figure out how to get him off those sites. opened a convo, i spoke to him like i normally do and we got on so well but he did notttttt kno it was me! sent the email not as an ultimatum but just as an fyi… and i am sure he will stay on line until he decides what he is looking for and if in fact it is in me. it started with us emailing back and forth a few times a day for a couple of weeks, then it progressed to phone calls – some of the calls lasted 4+ hours. they like having women contacting them…even if they are rejecting all of them as it makes them feel desirable. we had a mild argument about what was going on, and what it came down to was i told him don’t take me for a fool, and don’t take me for granted. a married man let me tell you even after years and years with a woman i love, i still rarely know what’s going on in her head. today morning his picture is public again and he’s been online every hour 🙁 i have deactivated my account since i don’t want to bother with it. he can get you a hotel room and take you on a road trip but logging into a website and removing his profile is beyond his time and resources? spent most of the night talking to be honest with you. it’s the first time i’ve met someone like him. it’s just what always happens to me and i really would appreciate it if you would tell me what my next move should be and how this should turn out/how he feels and what he may be thinking. i immediately drove over to his house, and asked him (not in an angry or confrontational way) if we wanted to date other people. when she let’s me know, i can normally respond in a way that makes her happier! he was right where i was with my opinion, so again – a match. are many top-ranked colleges in the united kingdom, but how do they stack up…. to be honest the site was for marriage purpose, i have been in there for some time and gave up hope. whether his behavior was “just” ego-stroking or serious looking doesn’t matter–i found it repulsive and a waste of a mature person’s time. he had told me earlier that he wanted to get off the dating site. we continued to date and then on valentine’s day we broke up officially. i called him 3 times when i was off work and then it started going straight to voicemail… not sure if he turned the phone off or what…. he immediately guessed my name – so guess at this point he’s only seeing me. i have a question, i have been dating a guy that i was introduced to by my sister. i get that you can view profiles for free… but my thing is that if a person is into you seeing you more than once a week – nine times out of ten you have nothing to worry about… dating more than one person is not something most guys are good at and let’s face it… it is too damn expensive. he always tells me that he loves me deep down but i just don’t know what to do anymore.. ladies, be smart about this, like a previous poster said, respect yourselves, love yourselves, and have enough confidence to kick his azz to the curb if you have to… one day he will realize what he had and how he messed it up, may not be tomorrow but one day he will! non the less i started to warm up to the idea. i asked why he was online recently, and he said it had to be a mistake, that he must have accidentally pushed a button on his phone that logged him on without him even realizing it. if he’s never going to commit, wouldn’t you rather know now as opposed to 6 months from now? or he could tell me that he isn’t ready for a serious relationship. exactly the same thing happened to me with them – and at the time i tried contacting them, but i was ignored. nevertheless, i was shocked and disappointed when he told me one morning that he had been on a date. ultimately he said he thinks we need a break for a week or two – that things were getting messy & the last thing he wanted is to hurt me. literlally with in mins of saying good nite to me he was online, he disappeared for a few min and then came back up and now his profile was saying he was looking for a relationship, so it went from nothing serious to looking for! we had an amazing connection and he made me his girlfriend about the second time we hung out. guess i’m wondering if he’s interested or not. i told him i like the idea of living together, but seriously needed to talk about things before it could actually happen. he didn’t like it at all and only thought of me. abruptly changed his mind because he suddenly “didn’t feel it” with me, i had a sneaking suspicion something. he then said, “maybe i am looking for a committed relationship and i just haven’t found the person to have that with yet. actually i have some of my toiletries in his bathroom and he’s fine with that. and i don’t feel like i wanna see others either. i also think if she didn’t respond the way i wanted i might put my profile back up. you can learn more about his personal experience using online dating and running this website here. after the first week he was asking me to be his girl. so, i put my profile back up today and i am not going to tell him. i didn’t ask him if he was going to delete his, i assumed that of course he would. never apologize for checking up on a person who has lied to you and promises to do better. i never saw another email, there were no text from random girls, or phone calls that seemed weird. he said that he hadn’t been on that one in months and didn’t even remember the login – even though it said he had been online literally right before i called him. i did ask him two months ago to tell me if he wasn’t interested in me he just had to tell me. so i never talked to him about the dating site but i found out that he isn’t using the site we met on anymore but that he has set up an account for a totally different site and tried to hide that it’s really him so that no one will know. no wonder so many lose faith in the online dating venue. once that talk is done, i think it’s much easier to get a real feel for how much respect (or lack thereof) a man is showing. i am just going to start dating other people and not even worry about it.. he has gone from asking me to move in to changing his mind. then, he has been trying to sleep with my with no strings attached and even today he told me he misses me and wants me, but still sees people that he met on the site, but i am the only one he really likes… sure….” (he doesn’t want me to read them, so i don’t ask anymore). i think for now, you might want to hide your profile in the off chance that he’s keeping his profile up because he still sees yours is up. his title on the site is “just looking” but his goal is to “fall in love”…. but after three years of giving my heart to him i feel that i deserve more than that, i feel that he is being disrespectful and dishonest if he is spending all this time with me and saying he loves me, we are even doing 5 love languages together to help our relationship. it may be that he’s being honest and he’s only seeing you but the whole “actions speak louder than words” thing isn’t doing him any favors and were i in a situation like yours i would want to let him know that. i texted him yesterday and he said that he “saw” my text but was “super busy and forgot”., as you mentioned, you see him signed into the dating site only when you are also logged into the dating site. he said that i have trust issues and that he is not doing anything or talking to anyone else. a couple months ago i started to have a “gut” feeling that he was doing things that he didn’t want me to know about. seemed we were perfect together with him professing his love and talking of marriage. met my current boyfriend online a couple months ago, he kept mentioning thing about me being his girlfriend so 2 weeks ago i asked if we were together and he said yes. he said he wasn’t doing any of that on purpose and i was wrong to think he was intentionally doing those. to repeat the same thing, just wanted to see if you could help me a little. then a day later i saw him driving around, i called him not to initially bring anything up, but when he didn’t answer we got into it and he said that he does want stuff to work but i can’t be so paranoid. he just got out of a marriage filled with anger. he wants to keep talking to other women, which could eventually end your relationship, but in the mean time he wasn’t to continue with you.” just so i could see when he’s online (not to get a response. brad, i really enjoyed the post and seems that many of us experience the same issue. focus on how he treats you when you’re together, and whether he stays in touch in between dates, and how you feel about him. i keep creating these scenarios in my head and i know i shouldn’t. i hope he comes around to appreciate what he has instead of worrying about what he might be missing out on! i began dating, i realized what fun i was having with it, even if a date wasn’t great, i just loved getting out there and meeting new people and discovering things about myself and relationships that i hadn’t before. he told me that i really hurt him and that it will take some time to repair the hurt. his response was “that the site is for friends, just like facebook” i said him he has got to be kidding because it is a dating site not a friend site and what would he do when girls want to meet him? how am i supposed to trust him when he makes empty promises? his job is stressful right now, but in my mind, if you like someone a minute or two to send a quick hello is not a big deal.’ve checked and he’s not been online since i mentioned it so hopefully it’s made him think.” about a month later, i was getting annoyed with all of the, “hey, someone’s checking you out! i don’t go to the gym to not work out. i have no shame in making sure after i had been lied to once to check again to be sure. am so confused…i felt the connection…how can he now say there’s no spark. if she says she’s not comfortable with that because of her past experience, i’d try to be understanding. they’re both in the same college so and both haven’t returned to the site since that day. but, last weekend over in the same friends house she told me that his profile is still there. you’ve decided to get a clearer idea of where your relationship stands, i recommend trying to start conversations as naturally as possible over a 2 to 4 week period. since our relationship has been a bit all over the place for these months, should i have even brought up the topic? and transparency are vital in a healthy relationship i feel for you. we started off as being friends with each other and now started dating but he never mentioned about being exclusively but when i check the dating site each day he seems to be on it very often as i am very confused as to why when he informed me that he is my boyfriend and still looking for someone else. Right is our advice column that tackles the tricky world of online dating. one month down the line he stopped refferring to out future, except he will only speak to me current situation and only refers me as gf. if it was important to her that you let her know the first time, i’d think you would tell her again., i thought i was the only one in this situation. saw texts between him and his hockey buddies about how he wants to f*% everybody and how we was getting that ‘spring time itch’ really bad. i told him i wasn’t the kind of person looking for a casual relationship and he confirmed he was also looking for a long-term relationship. have read your story and the fact that he is a picses has nothing to do with it. if he’s just looking for his ego stroking, he shouldn’t need it right now should he? is not a river in egypt and you can do a non member search to check if he or she has lied to you before. not that you can’t find success, but often this approach mentally “locks” us into continuing to pursue a relationship even when it isn’t that great (and there are lots of other reasons to date multiple people in my mind, but i’ll not go over all that again here). but he said we were going to hang out all day but now we cant. i think these are all good things and he did give me a heads up well in advance and still wants to meet. he refuses to let our relationship status to be known publicly and i’m not allowed to post pics of us together on my facebook and tag him nor make it known that we’re together. when searching for profiles, my profile said i had been active within 5 days. i txtd him the next afternoon when he said he was done work, and asked him if he could meet me somewhere because i needed to talk to him, i was having a bad day (it actually wasn’t about him, rather than my pseudo grandfather had fallen ill, and i just needed a shoulder to cry on). i added however, i know he wouldn’t take advantage of my kindness, and that i want him to feel hugged and to stay safe and alert out there. met this guy online and we exchanged numbers and texted each other 2x a week for a month.! now i’m really starting to panic – so without hesitation and with some authority, i look him straight in the eyes and tell him in front of everyone – ‘that is not a for sure thing yet, as we still have not talked about the details’. so, again, not defending him but i prefer his response over a lot of other responses i’ve seen..he said no, just that he is struggling at the moment. he met his wife using online dating and has been giving advice and helping people improve their results since 2007. then today he calls me like nothing’s wrong and when he could tell i was uneasy talking to him he made a big fuss and said ‘well i can tell you’re in a bad mood so bye. we have fun when we’re together but i just don’t know if i should trust him. during the date, he continued to say the same things that he’s been saying to me and he couldn’t keep his hands off me. and today when we were texting i said (in response to something), “i mean i like you enough to know that i don’t wanna see others. if a woman had emailed me after i met my wife, i probably would have looked at the profile even though i knew i’d met “the one”…i think sometimes it’s more about wanting to know who was interested in you as opposed to pursuing them. long story short, he came and picked me up from the club i was at and he knew i was upset with him. i checked to see where he was at on the date of that party, and he was with me the whole time – so he didn’t go. he works the graveyard shift so it is sometimes hard to see eachother but we usually manage a couple times a week. i was on my way home when he texted & told me where he was late on friday. met my boyfreind on the site in april 2012, we spoke over txt for like 3 weeks and met up. have been dating a wonderful woman for over 3 months that i met on match.
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Have You Ever Spied on Someone to See if They're Still Using the
when a day ago he made a point in asking me how it was going on the site. but what if he doesn’t… i cannot go on for years knowing the profile is there. the site was deleted and i never heard anything else about it. – i can’t really speak to what’s going on in his head. i did that, but no response…he claims he fell asleep. he lives about 120 miles away and is busy finishing up his residency. it’s so frustrating for me that the website charged him (earlier than they should) and after he had cancelled his sub. he changed the city to the town he used to live in, shrunk his height by 2 inches, and hasn’t put up a picture. our emails were immediately riveting and he even told me it seemed like we knew each other for ages. are there guys that such a statement is true for? i got really sad about he still having it up and went into my zone for the rest of the night. he cuddled me beautifully the entire night – it was sweet. we lived together over a year later and then he one day just moved out. shellbell – i’m emailing you a response on this (sorry for the delay if you wander back! you just never know but i have given up on online dating. if you think this is annoying i definitely understand but i would still encourage tact when you try to resolve this issue. six months later and we now live together, he was new to the city i live in and hes been having trouble finding a job. has his ego been hurt that i was online when he had removed the earlier account? can someone, please explain to me what is going on because i see it as one thing and one thing only, i am being deceived in a very cruel way as he is clearly preoccupied with pursuing other women on dating sites. hes very loving and affectionate which completely goes against the grain of him being emotionally closed off. the 2nd day away, he sent me a pic of himself in a towel. the first time i asked he claimed to answer an email without logging in to a woman who asked him a business related question.“the only, only way i could see him logging onto a dating site affecting your relationship with him is if you let it get in your head and then bring it up with him and then he thinks “yikes, why is she monitoring my online activity and acting like i owe her an explanation for it after a few dates? he apologized and said that he did panic and freak out because he is afraid to ‘settle down’. so as our conversation goes i knew he was referring to me the girl he was seeing. said he was hurt that he’d hurt me and that he never had any intention of actually meeting anyone. a few days afterwards i got a text telling me that he got crazy news and that he couldn’t tell me now but would call me after work. the subject is in your email subject line and says: so and so sent you an email. i am not sure if i can handle knowing that he is with me and others. i am not checking up on him anymore cos that upsets me. online dating was an avenue i hadn’t tried and i was curious! day 3 he texts me and apologizes for his coldness and tells me that i don’t deserve that.’m still very interested to hear your thoughts and advice. gatherings out of state, day outtings with his kids, hanging with his other friend couples (he has always introduced me as his girl), spending long weekends together…. checking out who messaged you gets to be a habit, does it not?’s what i suggest: have an open, clear conversation with him about the kind of commitment you’re looking for. that h honestly doesn’t know if he can give, recieve or feel love again due to the divorce. the fact that he has logged onto a dating site? but it’s also not unreasonable for you to feel a bit miffed that he’s doing exactly what you feared. and he said he had logged in to show his friends my picture that i was the highlight of the weekend. he even used it last night, and i just dont know what to do about it. and he replied with a nice good morning text as usual, apologizing for not texting yesterday but he didn’t go to the wifi place but went to the base and finished settling in and going to bed early. i’d say make a point to sit down with him and ask him where he sees the relationship going. i should probably mention that i began sleeping with him very early after first meeting each other, but that did not mean i was serious about him or wanted a commitment. i recently found that he had set up a profile on plenty of fish. to me, it sounds like another guy who isn’t necessarily cheating but is struggling to commit. i am still not sure how to handle the situation. i suppose if she’s just dating you casually, it may be less stressful to think that you might be cheating on her. i know at one point after we first met, he told me he wasn’t just sleeping around with anyone and everyone. i can see why some people might not like their friends reporting on this sort of thing regularly…but if you’re close, she would probably appreciate it. then i saw just two months ago he was texting w/ his buddies about have spring time itch again. you don’t get to the good parts of love without going through a little bit of that. or to try and keep a friendship if we cant hav more maybe? he was like im sorry, i should of told u that i changed it as he was getting lots of messages and girls asking him out, so he decided to change it! my friend asked if i check to see if he had gotten on his profile, so i did, and that sunday night he had been on. in some cases, this could cause what he saw as a healthy, budding relationship to end abruptly. i kept refreshing the search everyday i don’t know why and then last friday morning i was shocked when i saw that not only had he been online but he had uploaded his picture. approach it from the stance that you want to understand where he’s coming from (but also that you think you should be taking the profiles down). met him through an online dating site six months ago. doesn’t sound like a great catch to me to be honest and i imagine there’s more going on than he wants you to know. he came back all defensive asking me why i would say such a thing and of course he is. same lie as before he didn’t know how to delete. i would also like to include in here that she has sent him text messages from her phone, and is talking about setting up a date with him.? and do u think he is using me for sex ? we were going to hang out all day but he told me yesterday that it’s his friend’s birthday on saturday, i mean how do u forget that? you other questions on if his story is true or if he was using you for sex…i really have no idea. he invited me to stay at his place and we again had a great time, very easygoing, no tension or uncomfortable feeling at all. he asked me to come to his area next time and i just nodded. brought it up and he told me that he thinks there is someone else better out there for his “lifestyle. my situation he is now an ex for a reason. i will tell you that he does the same with his job though. thing is in the begining he was referring to our future hopefully it would lead toi marriage and refferred me as his wife, love etc. i had a dinner date that evening & due to some sudden dramas it didn’t go ahead – i came home & realised i couldn’t find my mobile. once he wants to commit, you’re willing to commit as well.’s a situation i’d appreciate your perspective:Have been doing the match thing for a few months. in the begining i didnt have a problem with him still being active on the site cus it was early days, i was still on there too. finding out the basement roommate and he actually did have an intimate relationship after swearing up and down since july that he never touched her was the final straw of many in the red flags and numerous chances to be honest. i’d say that long of “exclusive” dating should be long enough for someone to know if they’re ready for that step. he talks marriage, knows my ring size, and talks about our future and potential children. The first was when I was 20 and lasted seven months and the other was a on-and-off disaster that ended a few months ago. if hes searching for something better which i feel is the case as much as it hurts me im not afraid to be alone.. i think it’s all because of the recent stuff with my brother…. if you can’t get a guy to commit to date you exclusively (and especially if he then lies about it), he may be a giant waste of time. met a guy on a dating website about 3 weeks ago, and ever since then (tons of long emails back and forth), we’ve been really attached. earl – did she seem to appreciate it the first time? it hurt so badly, and it made me feel extremely dirty and disrespected that he would mess around with me and talk to others the same day. then he tells me since he had been in relationships up until now, he’s just not ready for a full on relationship’ and that he likes checking when he’s bored. guess i’m concerned because it seems like he logs onto match when we’re both at work. there’s the possibility of a move for him in the future after his military career ends, and he has asked me to go with him if that possibility becomes a reality – i accepted. so anyway, i message him and he message me back. i understand his schedule because of his work demands as a nurse, but there’s this feeling inside me that makes me feel a bit sad and worried because it’s been almost a week since he last called me. 4 units so busy but he bought it to my attention that he saw me online previous day. anyhow she clearly knew about me, and was very threatened by me. just finished it on the assumption that he had had plenty long enough to decide if he liked me a little bit or not. have met an army man on an online dating site about 6 weeks ago, and we pretty much hit it off right from the beginning. but i must say his profiles up still really bother me, especially since we have been intimate. i told him i was hesitant to live together as that felt very committed and serious, and i didn’t actually know for sure what his intentions were with me. i was very upset & contacted him – he came over & not only calmed me down but sorted things out for me. i then handed him the piece of paper and headed for the door. easier access to women and men verses the old fashioned way of courting and meeting. again he didn’t pay for me he has never paid for me and i don’t run up big bills max but he won’t. half of the time i am the one to initiate the conversations even though he responds and we talk but he doesn’t really ask my a lot and also he doesn’t write much. at this time he posted that he was “single” on ok and so did i. he says if you can keep your options open, why can’t i’ and i’ve told him several times i don’t want to keep my options open. i’m afraid if i put my profile back up that it will make the situation worse, plus i really don’t want to. heard from him twice while away – one sentence texts, with no greeting or emoticon – i answered and then he never responded – both times were like this. not ask it through time spent together or the hope that he’ll make the right choice or through milestones that make it obvious to you that the two of you are exclusive. after a few hours, i tried to message him and he ignoring me and didn’t reply it at all. he wants to spend all of his free time with me and i feel that due to the fact that hes new to the city that’s mainly because he doesn’t know a lot of ppl. and just to make it clear, my sister isn’t creating suspicion with me, i’d noticed how all along, he’d be texting me and suddenly stop with no goodnight, see ya, nothing, just stopped in mid conversation. i was also free of expending energy on “keeping my options open. similar story met a guy online 2 months ago we meet once a week on the. i want to trust him, but my heart doesn’t understand why we’re not together if he “loves” me? so my question is should i be concern about his profile is still up and he’s still checking it, since i never mention or ask him to take it down. only that, but the sexsearch profile showed that he had been active on it in the last 5 days. i raised this with him, and he still swore blind that he hadn’t met up with anyone since meeting me and was responding that he wasn’t available for a relationship. his last message though was that he was going to message me the next day. occasionally joke on how we get emails in our personal email accounts saying people are still trying to contact us and we should probably take them down because we feel bad that people are trying to contact us especially when you open an email in your personal account because it shows that you have read the email to the sender even if you haven’t logged on. jessica – i think it would probably be best to ask him what he’s looking for in a relationship since that conversation hasn’t come up. vulnerable anxious feeling you have, like, this is really really good and suddenly there is something to lose here and you don’t want to lose it? it is hard for me to see him everyday cause of my busy schedule and i always work on weekends. each time i saw/found out my guy went online after going out with me for a while i felt sick, duped, confused about where i stand, no longer confident about how he felt about me or what i thought the relationship was, suddently totally insecure and worst of all foolish…. we just launched cmb premium, featuring our first-ever exclusives for….. and then back to the sex thing he thinks he was going to get some from me but i told him not till “the break is over and the sites are deleted” (this is all texting btw) and he goes “you’re demanding stuff because you said were not going to have sex till i delete match”…ummm duh… i said yes and i have a good point to, that don’t you think? unfortunately it seems that at this point you should have a conversation with him about this and where he sees things going…i’d hate to think that he’d be using you for a place to live (and hopefully that’s not it). why would a man want to keep me as his friend after he knows he’s messed up? i met him online, soon after romeo proclaimed adoration and love for me he “deactivated” his account as he said he is % sure i was the one his been looking for.” he took my hand, placed it on his chest which was beating as fast as mine and said with a smile “it’s what happens when you’re falling in love” a few days later, he updated his headline on pof to “undecided” —- i dont even know what that means. how many girls he’d been with sexually and not: not many, and if he was dating anyone else: no, and if he was what i like to call a serial dater, dating many at once. so i began “snooping” and found that even though after 6 months he was still using the dating site that we met on, but he is doing it from his phone so that i can’t check. i’ve gone on a handful of online dates over the past few years and that have never resulted in a second date. so far, so good – until we were both looking at something on his laptop, and a dating website came up as one of his most visited sites. this last weekend he finally got the courage to inform his mother that he had proposed (6 months ago! he says he is, yet i’m not so sure at this point. he said he wasn’t seeing anyone but me at present, but he wanted that option open. i don’t like to come across as the vulnerable one & dating commitment phobes in the past has made me tougher so i don’t want to bring up a conversation of where are things going or mention his profile still being up. we both want a faithful and loyal partner, and since his last girlfriend cheated on him constantly while he was deployed to iraq (3 times), he said he really doesn’t have time for games. we’re very happy together, and we had the “relationship” talk after about 3-4 weeks, which basically went, “i’m not seeing anyone else and i don’t want to, and while i’m not ready to start calling you my boyfriend/girlfriend, i want to be exclusive. well after we had sex and all he is still interested cause we went out again and i told him i had my period and he didn’t care. he said that he finds me very pretty and hot. i also said that i wanted to be there for him and support him, and that what he gets from me is honesty and loyalty, but that i require the same. he told me he’s ready to settle down but just got out of a near eengagement so needs time to process the break up. it’s march 2015, and he brings up the topic of moving in together. in the meanwhile, you might still get those email alerts when a new match has arrived. and this was the first time in my life that i had actually dated a variety of men at the same time. when we’re together he shows everyone that he cares. and never be ashamed to check if that person has lied to you. if i trust her the way i should then i need not to worry. one thing bothers me though, his profile in the dating site is still active – though he told me before that he rarely checks or chat with women in it. so it’s been three weeks now since we agreed to be exclusive but he still have his profile up and checking it. boat here…been dating my guy for 11 months now – we are both 42….) – i’m glad my thoughts were helpful but at the same time i don’t want to come off as if i was saying you were “wrong” in your approach. if he is honest and admits to having a commitment issue, could you give him more time? continued seeing each other and finally i just told him that i had made it clear in my profile that i was seeking a long term relationship and that he had indicated that in his profile as well. surveyed 832 coffee meets bagel members to find out what singles think about valentine’s day, what they…. also that he got to go and wished me a great day and that we would talk soon.’ve heard your feedback: you asked for more control over your chats with the ability…. he did not have any sent messages in his sent out box. i’d hope that if there was real chemistry, things could work out (cars or not).’m not sure i follow cathy – did you meet him a long time ago on a dating site but now he’s forgotten? monday i texted him and we texted the whole day. would say let him know how he’s made you feel and then keep your options open to date other guys because at this point it seems like he’s proven that you can’t believe what he says. i don’t want to be walked over, and i don’t want to turn into one of those girls who checks up on him…. a man doesn’t use online dating for anything other than it’s intended purpose – to meet new women. i want to take it the relationship slow too but i also don’t want to be seeing a guy that is looking for the bigger better deal. for example, at the end of a nice evening together (especially if the two of you are commenting on how much you enjoy spending time together) you could bring up your concerns on not knowing where you stand in the relationship. i am in my late 40s and was seeing and sleeping with a man in his late 50s who i learned was very active on the dating site we met on. i’m really freaked out about commitment – i love this guy and have a relationship with him like no other, he accepts everything about me, he adores me, is kind, gentle and makes it his daily goal to do things that make me happy. people who like you will act like they like you; it will be easy to communicate, to make plans, to talk about stuff. he really thinks the two of you aren’t “bound”, then i think you should let him know that because of that, you’re going to begin to talk with other men. he says he likes to read other people’s profile summaries for entertainment purposes while taking a crap on the toilet. and i get the butterflies and weebles, but it’s not like it’s a secret ballot. i was able to get a hold of his phone last week and saw that he had the dating site application on it. i told him ill give him space but at the same time i wont wait for him. guess i’ll be renewing my membership in the site where i’d met him since i did talk to a couple decent men there despite having had little in common with them but, who knows, maybe i’ll get lucky.
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Ask a Guy: We're Dating, But He Still Checks
a couple of weeks went by and he still hadn’t taken it down. we were very intense the first month seeing each other all the time and every weekend. what makes it harder when you find someone with lots of potential is to bottle everything up and read too deeply into everything, and second guess how something good could be happening to you. that he was online hurt me and threw me a little..the “needle in the haystack” ohh that makes me so mad. so i told him we should try not to bring it up again and that since he’s a mature person i’ll leave it on him. i can totally understand having caution after being cheated on, but at the same time you don’t want to wait months and months only to find out this might not go anywhere. and barely said much at all…this past week i got a bad feeling so checked the dating site where we met, and his profile (which wasn’t there a week before) was back up. he texts me the other day and says he it on pof just out of pure boredom and then tells me he misses me and wishes he could see me. he was sent to them as a mutual match and it showed that he was online that day within one hour after he had with me in bed the night prior. so, after two months and three weekend-long visits/dates, but knowing that he is slow to commit, when is a reasonable time to have “the talk”? i just think i could get hurt if i asked him where things are going more so than if i just moved on, perhaps if i contacted him less he might get the message…. doesnt seem like he is committing to the relationship or caring about my feeling the past few days. had not been on my profile since nov when we had the talk, and neither had he, but we didn’t discuss hiding or removing our profiles. i’ve met his friends and he’s met my friends and some of my family. thought no more of it, apart from a feeling that something was “off” – then i visited the website about a month later. before i proceed let me give you a bit of a background i had broken up with my ex 2 days before xmas since he had been mia for 2 months which drove me insane. when we were a month into our relationship i told her i was not going to renew my match subscription because i only want her.“he thinks “yikes, why is she monitoring my online activity and acting like i owe her an explanation for it after a few dates? as you approach being exclusive, obviously it would be a problem but since you say that’s not where you’re at, i’d leave it be. it has been another 2 weeks after that conversation and his profile is still active. even after three discussions and several screenshots as well as telling him how to delete his account and how to bury his cookie email tracks, he still could not resist. it seems to me that many people want to be open to long distance relationships but then when they get in one, they decided to keep their options open for something closer. that text he sent to me by mistake screams that messing up with me bothers him. i’ve lived in a military town my whole life, and i avoided dating military men for that entire reason. i wish these readers had written me beforehand because this is often the worst approach to take (at least from this guy’s point-of-view). if i try to ride it out, what is a good amount of time to see if he takes it down? i’ve been dating this guy i met on pof for 3mts now. he did not introduce me as the “girlfriend,” but simply by name. 5 days later – screen shots proved he had just been online and active. i wish you the best of luck – whether he changes his mind or not! he said he broke up with her for me like that would make me feel any better. as maree touched on earlier, these guys wouldn’t try to continue to pick up other women and real life and shouldn’t do so online either. last week, while just hugging and feeling so happy being there, my heart was racing with emotion that it actually startled. we have taken our relationship to the next level (if you can call it a relationship) intamacy is great. had trouble getting her on the phone as thats something shes uncomfortable with and shes unsure about being able to visit cause of money going towards a course. are you ok with having sexual relations with one another while your profiles are active? i was able to see his messages and as of today it shows that he had logged in and there were messages from women in which he had responded to just a couple of hours earlier before i came home.! snatched my phone out of my hand said he would ” f me up” if i went on a date with another man even though we’re broken up! its been a month since we spoke/saw each other. he said he could ask me the same thing and that i had blown up his phone all day until it died. we were meant to get married next month and now it’s been pushed back to easter. i’ve met his family and friends, he takes me out everywhere and even wants to book time off with me. he not only read the email but he also viewed my profile. he said the past few days had driven him crazy & we should cool it. once i texted him he was quick with his response and asked me to come over to his suburb. i recently signed up on another website and have been looking at other prospects because i feel even though i care about him, i don’t want to put all my eggs in one basket if he is unsure of me as well. i never gave the guy a chance to make any changes., let’s just say for example he was doing it because he was bored, but had no other intentions… well even that is dangerous because i personally know so many couples who have broken up over facebook accounts, comments, pics etc… it always just starts so innocently, a person looks cute, they say hello and that could lead to a full blown relationship/affair/fling. now 5 weeks later i will be meeting his kids and going to a family gathering soon but he is still online. said he is only seeing me and i shouldn’t worry…but…should i? which privately causes me to panic…but i told him i was open to the idea and to talking about it further. he has not only changed his profile picture, he has added a picture from our trip, a picture that i took of him. convo with me, pretending to be another woman was not flirty, it was more obscenely friendly tbh and he was keen to open a convo, be friendly, (overly maybe) ask for msn or skype…. things were going great and he asked me to meet him on thursday. it doesn’t work out, you have options, and the same good qualities that made this person like you will attract other people. so, while perhaps this seems immature, i got gussied up big time and decided to go out that night, knowing we were supposed to go out together later on. have said to him that if he likes, he can continue dating but he needs to tell me, so that i can do the same. we met on a dating site and i knew when we started dating his profile was hidden ( i wanted to show my friends who he was but couldnt find it! i removed my profile at the end of the first week or so explaining to him that it was my personal preference/instinct and that it placed no pressure or expectation on him. i have read what you have written on this subject and i know you said that men are slower to remove their profiles than woman – so my question is how long is reasonable to wait for him to do this before you say something or begin to feel offended by it? since then, he seems to put more efforts into our dates, but we don’t see each other as often as before. i asked about it and to his credit -it is an old flame and he hasn’t been on the site since april. would it really make you feel better if he waited until the next morning? logic aside, i would ask any reader who has this issue the same thing i asked the woman who contacted me: are the two of you exclusive and have you both made it clear that you are only interested in dating each other? i’ve never had to initiate the “where is this going” talk. he feels like he has a ‘clean slate’ now, and can see that he absolutely wants to be committed to me, he said quote “i’m all in! mean we are just getting to know each other, and it’s still very new, but since i had asked him if he is still on dating sites or talking to other women, i feel like he wasn’t sincere by telling me he wasn’t. he texted me later & said the following: are you ok? i don’t think that means that you should have concerns that you’re being cheated on, but i do think you should have concerns around “why does he feel that he still needs to be checking his dating profile? said ok, that i would hang in there, but i asked him to please be straight up with me the second he doesn’t feel like this will go anywhere and he promised he would. i do think the exclusive conversation could be very tough before you meet, but if you find you keep worrying about it and you think you’re at a place where he’d be open to it, i’d bring that conversation up. the next morning he begged to meet me and we agreed to brunch on sunday (9 jan). week two came and i found that while i was waiting for him to respond to a text i sent (45mins) he was on the dating website from his phone. i know it hurts right now but i suspect it will be for the best in the long run and i’m glad it didn’t go on any longer than it did if he’s (finally) being honest with how he feels. i have not confronted my boyfriend about this online dating profile yet. do not trust online dating anymore too many bad experiences and too many shady characters. figure with all the things he has done it sounds like he is interested in me. friends all think he seems to really like me… i hope s too. we haven’t gone on a real date yet because he lives in a different country than mine. my heart sank as the truth i had already known finally started to come out. anyway he’s told me he needs time to himself. – i’m guessing here but if i were going to tell a woman i was dating that i had taken down my profile, it would normally be because i would be hinting to her that i want to date each other exclusively. re-enable your profile, let him know that you no longer consider your relationship exclusive but you hope to continue to date him, and then start looking for other guys to date. instead i think if there is no mention from him after 6 week i would find it easier to just ignore him & move on to dating over guys. you do not know after a month of seeing someone if you would like to eliminate the rest to give her a fair shake, recognize that there is something that is not resonating for you and the best course of action is to be direct and tell her., sometimes people have their settings turned on so they get an email every time someone messages them. i am aware that there is a 30 minutes lag off in okc, like you will still appear online even though you already logged out. do with online dating site, so…what had this punk done? he wouldn’t make out with me that night – he said ‘i don’t want your friends to think i only come over for one thing’. not in that place to talk about exclusivity but one thing that i find bothersome for me is when i see he is online immediately after i’ve left his place or he’s left mine. he was very interested in asking me about my life, my opinions, my family, my experiences and he genuinely seemed to care and to want to listen. he then said that he was going out at that time. since i feel that really good advice would require me to understand the relationship on some personal level, i can’t tell you exactly how to approach the situation. very sad to see all the comments on here about the hardships that everyone is experiencing. both accounts are still “active” technically, but there hasn’t been any activity on either. my biggest worry is my daughter, she is very attached to him and tells him that he is her best friend and she loves him, and he tells her the same. he even had me add a tracking device on my phone so i can see exactly where he is at all times. i think you should make sure some others in your life are aware of what’s going on…i don’t feel very equipped to help you very well if things are turning abusive. the next morning i asked why he always tried to meet me during weekdays and he said it was just a coincidence cos his weekends would get so busy. i’m pretty savvy with my online privacy settings and avoided clicking on his profile, so he couldn’t see that i had visited it. in the meantime it felt great to be sure of my own feelings – “okay, i know i’m in. tell him if he’s going to continue posting that he is single and updating his site, that you are too and you are also going to start seeing other people. i mean i just met the guy, who am i to say that he cant.” or maybe “i like you and would like to keep seeing you, but i don’t think i’m ready for something exclusive” or even “you’re a lovely person, but i don’t think we should see each other anymore. i agree men need women to tell them how and what they feel since men aren’t mind readers but then, neither are women. he was very attentive towards me & was making plans to go to football games with me. everything is great so far, we go out for dinner, watched movies, sometimes just stay in his apartment and ordered pizza and cuddle on the couch and watched a movie. he did & told me his dad’s very ill – he seemed so upset. and then he asked me to accompany him to his brother’s girlfriend’s b’day. there was more to the text that told me his close friends were there at the pub with him. while i agreed to casual & laid back – and only cos he said he’s just come out of a relationship & doesn’t want something full on (and i have too but i am ready) i did not saying anything about the seeing other ppl business. i have to add that i am 41 and he is 36, but he said he doesn’t care and neither do i. sometimes i feel that maybe we rushed into things a little too quick….” four words no man or woman ever wants to hear at any point during their relationship. so this was just the tactic he needed to reel me in hook line and sinker! i try to kind of ask, but he always makes me feel so stupid for asking, as i should (and think) i trust him. said, if you’ve only been dating for 4 or 5 weeks, i think i’d recommend you just be patient for a while longer. i also thought it was kind of weird but i felt that if he was okay with me seeing where he was and i had nothing to hide then there shouldn’t be a problem. i never had the impression that he just wanted sex, since he didn’t exactly initiate it, it just happened while cuddling on the sofa, watching a movie together. why is he window-shopping for other women when he says he wants to marry me? then he will always know that i found out and, the guilt he may feel could jeopardise our relationship. this thing where people are actively looking for love and connection but they only get it if they pretend really hard that it doesn’t really matter and play it cool all the time? i would really like him to come to the realization that he needs to delete it himself! to play devils advocate: let’s imagine he totally forgot about this profile., if you sent him a short email saying you were going to be in his area soon and you’d love to grab a coffee with him, i think that could work. then instead of apologizing he yelled at me for knowing. he told me he was the luckiest guy in the world to have a great catch like me’. obviously the profile is not “just there” and obviously its not there for his friend’s use because he is putting up pics of himself and updating his own info. i find this truth out many many months after dating when she kept walking up into his house and always there when i came over. – was he the one who sent the text or did he receive that text?’v egot the same problem on ly mine is a little different. he is affectionate and kind, all the traits i was looking for. i’ve been dating this guy for 5 months now, we spend every weekend together. i still think that’s a fine thing to do but more recently i’ve found myself encouraging women to be a bit more pro-active or aggressive (whereas changing your photo is rather passive-aggressive). again 🙂 just clarifying that the part i wrote about him telling his buddy he ‘sort of has a girlfriend’ and that ‘he is trying to behave’, was over a year ago – that conversation did not happen 4 months ago, i got my dates wrong…too much confusion, right!’ve been dating a guy i met online for almost six months, but he won’t delete his online dating profile.’m definitely not defending what he did (i disagree with it and think it was wrong of him to do so) but you did get a much better response than many women: he removed the profile quickly and i think he was a lot more honest than most guys in admitting that creating it made him feel better. it’s not that he doesn’t want to keep spending time with you, it just means that he wants to keep his options open until someone he’s more into comes along. whenever he said he would call or text, he did, and in situations when he was held up, he would always let me know. i confronted him about and he said he was deleting it and,and i better start acting right. went on a few ‘one date wonders’…lol…he reached out to me…. after the month of him being gone, he got a hotel room and i stayed with him for a few days, hanging out non stop except when i have to go to work. i told him he shouldn’t be taking his frustrations out on me & that he can date my ‘friend’. its been like 2months together and he is really great guy if i have to be honest and i do have my moments too in annoying him too. i don’g want to pushtowards anything, because i feel as thoughhe will if he wants to…but am i wasting my heart on someone whois using me as plan b or using me as a passing fancy? however, if we use your examples of the real world versus online dating (and really a case that you appear to make that they should operate more similarly): if it were the real world instead of online dating wouldn’t you have been more firm that he shouldn’t be talking to another woman/making himself available to other women?!2 days ago i checked to see if he had taken his pof profile down (along with another one i had found several months ago – sexsearch dating site)., it is possible that he just likes getting emails to stroke his ego and isn’t looking for a relationship. he may have secretly been hoping for a commitment from you after having this conversation and when that didn’t happen he’s now not sure the relationship is going where he had hoped it would. all that wasted time waiting for him to make the right choice only to have him start dating someone else. i kinda don’t want him to see other guys in between the next time we meet up again. he seems to be just perfect, everything i was ever looking for. this may not be the most polite way to go about things, but it’s their prerogative. one thing you shouldn’t do is verbally attack the guy or start throwing out ultimatums. he said that he finds me very pretty and hot. i guess the details of everything doesn’t really matter, i don’t trust him to be faithful to me long term, and i don’t trust him to be truthful with me. neither of us had an official discussion about bf/gf labels yet, but i wasn’t in a hurry for all that stuff, as everything truly felt great and was going so well. and hes always cslling me, we spend every moment together that we can. my sister looked on her computer from he account as she is on there, too. he has been a total gentleman and he even went into a “domestic partnership” with me on facebook (haha). i even told him i had to get his confirmation because i have trust issues with previous guys cheating on me. i am such a great catch then why lose me? i brought up the online thing & he said he was emailing 2 girls – ‘nothing interesting’. perhaps a taste of his own medicine will wake him up to what he’s doing…but honestly that’s not the point or the goal. he said he was checking for my profile and was curious. i felt sick and angry but said nothing… i calmed down and spoke to a friend next day and she was like, u need to say something. then i said how about we just put this off till next week but he seemed eager to see me cause he said no let’s meet on saturday. and i think what you’re saying is that what really bothers you is that as soon as you’re done spending time together he’s on the site, right? i still believe what i wrote there, i’m finding that many of the women who are contacting me are not at the point where they are sure if the man is their “boyfriend” or not. he kept his profile online and then during a period where he was busy he removed the profile. when you bring up the fact that his profile is up, do you tell him that it bothers you? know it won’t be easy but if he refuses to commit himself to you i recommend keeping your options open. nov to jan, we went on a date once every 3 weeks, always having the time of our lives. he says hes not dating/sleeping with anyone else but why is he still online?
When He Can't Stop Shopping Around Online
i deleted my profile ages ago, but this afternoon i had a look and he is still using it. i am only asking – in these early stages – for respect enough to put all the other girls aside for a moment… is that really too much to ask?.he is such a great guy who i think is worth it. when we were a month into our relationship i told her i was not going to renew my match subscription because i only want her. we went a few days without talking over the last 2 weeks. hours from where i live, so we knew that dating each other wouldn’t be that easy, but we also said to each other that we would make it work. i check his page (because it’s viewable to the public) and he’s made several modifications today. am thinking of giving him a few weeks and see what happens but at the same time i am concerned as well and confused as to why his profile is still active and he often logs on. i relaxed and began to enjoy the journey, tentatively falling a little by little for him. i think doing this can be beneficial because a) you might find a great guy who does want to commit or b) he might realize how much it sucks to have the person you’re dating to be open to dating other people. it’s especially bothersome if his actions suggest exclusivity even if he hasn’t declared so in words…and yet it is still acceptable in my mind for him to keep his profile up, even in this case. he had cancelled his membership (and told me he was doing this) about 3 weeks ago. so he can see if he knows someone…and then what? she is now mad at me because she thinks i want to date other people and i am just like the other guys that hurt her. we have been seeing each other, twice a week for 7 weeks now. i then said: ” i am the other girl” the look on his face was priceless especially when he realised that all of the stuff he had written (and there was pages and pages of very intimate stuff) was all sent to me. i couldn’t but told him to drop by the club where i was going with my friends. we’ve even been to a festival and just went away for the weekend together. i have never done online dating myself but because of my boyfriends profile i now log in under a fake profile every day to check his activity. that’s what’s really going to tell you where this is going. he is in the army and when we first met he only had a couple days before he went to do a month worth of training. he introduced me to some guy as his girlfriend but tells everyone else i am his friend. he had asked me to meet his mom a few months ago, but we had to cancel and it has yet to happen. i tell him i am very busy through the week and can manage saturday. i realize she’s already reached that point where it would be devastating for her to lose him but allowing it to continue only to have things end over this a few years from now isn’t going to improve things for her.! i just found out today he has another profile on pof i want to date other men but now i feel stuck…. to be honest, i’m not convinced that all the guys doing this even understand why. i stupidly rang him and asked if he wanted to be with me. last week we went out for meal, he came back to mine, we slept together again, he went home that nite, he txt me as usual to say he got home, we said it was a lovely nite and then good nite to one another. if you guys are planning vacations and are seeing each other soo frequently, he should have more respect for you and not have any active accounts. was really keen to see a pic of me so i showed him a few not too close up, he kept asking for closer pics…………. when he says he’ll take it down when the time is “right”…well, if you’re dating someone and you keep telling her you’re not going to date anyone else then the right time is now! cos he seems to think of me when he’s down & out! i tried to start a conversation but he said sorry but i’m going out soon. and lets just say that because i went out for a girls night instead of hangin with him, that he responded to this other woman. that’s besides the point really but it’s still true. if you feel horrible as you’re doing it, then just stop. he tells me for the first time that he loves me, i say it back to him for the first time as well, because i know it’s true, but i was never going to say it first., i’m not familiar with tagged but it doesn’t sound good. so, if this is the case, why would his profile still be up? am his first relationship since a divorce from a 16 year marriage from a woman who had cheated on him. he may indeed have settled on you as the person he wants to date more exclusively, but needs a little time to politely phase out communication with other people that he genuinely likes. before all this i knew we have a whole lot in common and there was a lot of chemistry and sexual tension plus i really like him. met an amazing guy about 2 months ago and we decided to only see each other. i mentioned before, i assumed we were exclusive when we had that talk and worked things out (in late nov 2013). then if it doesn’t, you could tell him a friend told you that she saw him actively online and you could ask why his profile is still active. friend of mine said that he is a pisces and thats just the way they are. i tried to explain to him i want you to see where i’m coming from, that i was so shocked and hurt that he did that…. so based on my observation i am assuming that he was checking his profile for a minute or two then logged out. a message that makes you ask yourself “what fresh hell is this? instead, it’s something you think has to be done as a courtesy and out of respect for that person when you know you’re going to eventually mess up. i understand not wanting to fight and dropping it but his excuse for being on the site was pretty weak…. a text with a friend he hadn’t spoken to in a while, the buddy asked him if he had a girlfriend, and he responded ‘sort of. yet after telling me he loved me, i guess i just figured we were forming a more serious relationship. have read that many complaints from match is the status option is flawed and can be triggered from simply receiving and deleting a email from match in your personal account. ‘dated’ a few guys when i decided to try the online forum. he seems like a great guy, and the compliments are flowing but something is off. i don’t write the others off by no means but just usually really like just 1. both commander logic and her awesome husband went on dates with other people after they first met and liked each other. i said it was up to him (i want him to take it down because he wants to not because i want him to…) i did say that him keeping his profile active made me feel that he wished to keep his options open and that if he wanted me to feel that way then to carry on. we have been calling/texting each other about everyday since we met online. he asked me to be his girlfriend shortly after we got the apartment. we had the most incredible night (no intimacy) and i felt so so so comfortable. i’ve been dating a guy now i met online for almost four months now. he goes to this site and changes his status without thinking about his profile text and logs out. we are talking and seeing each other, he met my friends and even introduced me to his. i have only been dating him 3 weeks, but i don’t want to be with a guy who just wants to string me along so i will wait maximum 6 weeks for him to mention something. he was dating and sleeping w/ tons of women – that doesn’t really concern me too much, as i can’t say i wasn’t doing a little of the same, and we had not declared exclusivity at that point. we both care really care about each other and want to stay in each other’s life. to turn things around he tells me he likes me very much and misses me when he’s gone. after 6 weeks of talking non stop via text, a few phones calls a week, and seeing each other no less than once a week i brought up the “where is this going” talk…. yet my gut says there is something not right about his profile being up still. will try to keep this to the point and as brief as possible which may prove to be difficult since i’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. when i text him, he always replies right away and we text until i get tired. he agreed that he did too, and things were good. if you do it without anger, i can’t see how he would object (although i think your anger was appropriate before). expected to hear from him more, but i heard less from him. he calls me every good name in the book, such as “baby”, “my girl”, and the works. now in the position where i dont know what to do now? met him on pof in august 2013 and to be honest, i had just started dating again since my divorce 6 1/2 years earlier. retain some reality, because being online is so surreal and the rules of engagement so different to real life that some surely find it unbalancing. that in mind i wanted to review one of the recent emails i’ve received from a reader and offer some additional advice for this problem. she clearly let me know how much that hurt her., as i’m getting this question more and more often, i’m hoping the details i’ve included here can help you reach the point where he realizes there is no reason for him to keep his profile active any longer. then in febuary, i was at home and i needed to use his computer to chek and email. i feel as though you don’t care about the way i feel and that makes me wonder…. the keep saying they will hav a good future together and will make them proud if they get married one day.? anyway we end the goodbye on some jokes and pull funny faces at each other as i drive off. that, both of us (individually, this wasn’t something we had agreed to do or asked the other to do) changed our statuses on the dating site to “seeing someone., the not knowing how to deactivate the account doesn’t fly and i bet if you deactivated it for him he’d get upset (well, from what you describe…that’s just a guess). or am i a time filler till he finds something better. seems he wants me on his terms but doesn’t want anyone else having me. anyways, we still met up and spoke very very regularly over the next 6 months. surely… surely it means he is ‘not really that into me’ etc. how he loves what we have but that he doesn’t think he can give me what im looking for at the time. relationships are unique things and you’ll need to decide when it is best in yours to start demanding more…but at some point he will need to commit or you will need to move on. we have gone on trips, and had wonderful dates, he told me i’m just the girl he’s dating. i just want to share another way of looking at it…so maybe you need to change but maybe not. to hear but this is how it should go if you expect to be trusted. 6 months into the relationship, i told him i needed a break – that seeing him searching for the next best thing (as i saw it) was hurting me. he is a pisces too, and i tried to “read” him and so far so good. that or i would just cut him off… the guy i used to see from okc has a new gf supposedly but he is still on there. he then texted me and said he too tired was but i saw he was on his match account. me, if a month goes by after you’ve expressed your concerns and he is still refusing to remove his profile then setting ultimatums seems more reasonable. i told him it was iffy and i had hidden my profile because i’m not sure about it all together. we started seeing each other initially as friends – we have a lot of shared interests – and then one day he jumped on me and the relationship became increasingly physical. if the two of you have worked out some understanding on a difference between exclusive and girlfriend/boyfriend, isn’t he still headed towards breaking that agreement? basically i met this guy on a marriage website and we got to know each other of the basic stuff. we proceed to see each other two more times, before i went on vacation for 5 days to cancun (alone). even if a woman had been cheated on, the message would still be “i’d like to commit to dating you”. does he really think that i will be happy to settle for being his ‘she’ll do in the meantime’ girl? you both have other options and know that you do. well, he apparently took me requesting time to think as pretty much a break up. is fabulous to have a weeded out process available in this day but the downside is evident.” he goes, “aww 🙂 you like me so much to delete it. i could honestly envision us together for a long long time, and it just came as a blow. – it sounds to me like she’s keeping her options open and i’d recommend you do the same. those of you that ask why about how i found his profile, my friend created a blank account to check her dishonest husband a few years ago, and i logged on (with her permission)…my profile has been down for a long time. we worked things out and he promised me he would delete it asap. my membership came to an end shortly after we started emailing and i chose not to renew – i’m now off of the site, and he knows this. don’t center it around whether or not he’s talking to women online; focus on the reality of your in-real-life relationship, and where you’d like to see it go. he may like you, he may love you, he may be into you but…. he says he loves me, yet aout three weeks ago i asked him where he thought our relationship was headed. because down the line he will either want to get more serious with you or he won’t, and you two will need to work that out based on a conversation with each other and your feelings. i wonder why dating is so hard for myself but seems so easy for others. went to a spa, it was beautiful and we ended up staying the night together……. after a while i replied & said that my friend had told me she’s seeing him. she later said she would do the same and we took off the auto-renewal but we both never bothered to hide our profiles. as it turns out, he was talking with other women – don’t know if he slept with any of them, but he was definitely out on the hunt. i told him that if he had indicated all he wanted to do was date around, i’d never have gone out with him because i was looking for something more serious.” and submit it to the an(n)als of online dating! give the guy a little breathing room to figure out his own mind, and trust that someone who likes you will do what he can to let you know and reassure you that he likes you. mean, the whole comment gets a big “yes, correct”, but this in particular. he answered back telling me that he knew i’d been online too.. i brought up the subject and he insisted it was nothing that he had an app on his phone and would click on it when bored but that he would remove the app. seems really into me, seems genuinely happy to hang out with me and to really want to hang out but we haven’t had the exclusivity talk and i am honestly not going to go down that road and fish for information for another 2-4 weeks. he said it all has actually caused him to love me even more and strengthen his commitment to me, which he acknowledges might sound strange, but that is the affect it had for him.” but i wouldn’t fault him much for looking at the fake profile. that aside we normally go out at least once a month or every other month. across the country, today is the first day i haven’t heard from him at all, even though i’ve made several attempts. i know you can hide your profile when you have an active subscription because i’ve done it so don’t let him try to convince you he can’t do that either. but, i suddenly asked him about his still online in online dating or not? realistically i believe that whether or not he has paid for a subscription, if he is interested in me – then he shouldn’t be using it! there is no cure but an expensive therapist to sit with you for several sessions for emotional damage – to help re establish your self worth and value that was destroyed by one person who had the audacity to demand no expectations while you jump to his cool as heck laid back beat. i believed him, and told him not to test me like that again – be honest with me and talk to me about what he wants to know.. i ask for a proper goodbye and he hugs me and hesitates to kiss me……. he wanted something casual at the moment’ but wasn’t sure if he wanted to see others. but if there’s an ultimatum, i think it’s only fair that he know about it! i am trying my hardest not to bring this up again, but the recent picture really has me thrown for a loop. in the first few weeks we were together i was worried about how my daughter would react to being around a new guy. or maybe he’s doing this to get my fake profile girl. then necxt evening, when we arer leaving, we hav an odd goodbye, but then i guess we always do. once the “exclusivity” talk came up (from my end): i asked if he was still on that dating site, because i took my profile down about two weeks after we met. given how much time we spend together, it’s really difficult for me to make a case against him keeping his online dating profile up if his ridiculousness of a truth is, in fact, a truth at all. he told my fake profile in his last email 2 days back that there was no spark between us & that’s why he kept it casual. the funniest thing’s that i asked him directly if he was seeing anyone or sleeping with anyone & he denied both. after that we never said another word about it and have been hanging out like nothing happened. then he’ll later mention ho he misses me of how we needto hsngout more. maybe he’s that guy, but maybe he’s not. towards the beginning, we decided to go withthe flow and see where this relationship would go. it’s difficult because i have a daughter from a previous relationship and he wasn’t too sure about that, but was attracted to me. and knowing that he’s still browsing, i feel reluctant and fear i know the answer already. it would be the same thing to me if i asked a woman to date me exclusively. it does make it harder him living in london and myself in suffolk as we don’t have what i would call a normal dating relationship which does make it harder. he pointed out to me the other day that he has a hard time showing affection and was asking why i stayed with him. everything i’m hearing is that if you open the email (even to just delete it), match will now show you as active. then in april he tells me he spoke to his 19 year old son who was still living at home but looking for his own place, that the game plan was to be out of his house by june 1st, that is when he would be moving in with me, so his son better get active in finding an apartment. he tells me how lovely a time he had and how he doesnt kno if we will definately be able to meet again due to the situation. slept together after about 5 dates and it just felt right but neither of us mentioned about being exclusive, i think we both took it we were only seeing and sleeping with each other, at this point he was still active on site but my time on there was becoming less. there were quite a few other things we talked about, but that was truly a big one for me. but revenge wasn’t sweet as he then sent me an email about his lack of self confidence and his poor self image and how it gave him such an ego boost as his mother never loved him blah, blah, blah, blah. jenn – i actually touch on this issue a bit in my article on when a guy disappears after a few dates. feel like there’s a lot i left out, yet it’s hard typing on my tablet… and trying to sum up feelings and experiences to a stranger. after all, you don’t want to jinx the relationship before it even has a chance to start. i know he checked his email and eventually he did look at the profile, but he did not take the bait and respond back.